Spectrums of Love and Hate
by Delegara
Summary: Nothing could look so bright and colourful, yet so dark and worn at the same time.
1. Chapter 1

Nothing bad had ever really happened to her. As a child, she grew up happy, with nicks and bruises from climbing trees, or covered head to toe in dirt. She'd never done anything in her life to deserve to be hit, beaten, yelled at or worse. She'd never done anything to deserve to be discarded like a piece of trash.

So why now, did she feel like nothing more than just that? A lonely piece of trash simply blowing in the wind? Where had things begun to fall apart? What was the first incident to get the ball rolling?

I guess we should start at the beginning, so you understand what's going on. How far back should we start? Oh, I know the perfect place.

It was sixth grade, when Feferi moved from the big city she'd grown to love to a small, almost village like settlement she was to call home for the next eleven years of her life. She hated it, and found it extremely hard to make friends. No one wanted to be friends with the 'New Girl.' No one understood her. To them, she was this brightly coloured object, which seemed to have no distinct personality, and no initiative to get to know people. In class, she was quiet and would shuffle over to the teachers desk to ask questions, instead of getting to know the people around her. Slowly, Feferi begain to hate school. It wasn't how she remembered it, where she was always loud and rambunctious, giggling at every little thing, making jokes about the teachers or the lessons. What was she now? That girl who sat in the corner of the lunchroom, all alone, eating with no one, simply pushing her food around, staring at it. That is, until someone finally decided to give her a chance.

It was almost the end of the year. She'd spent three gruelling months by herself, wandering the halls of the school, crying alone to herself in the bathroom during breaks or lunch. This would be her first friend, and with it, came many more. "Hey, I'm Kanaya. You're uhm...oh shoot, what did Mrs. Fenn say this morning..." Feferi looked up, a little shocked, from her work. She was pouring herself over a math question she just couldn't seem to wrap her head around. They wanted her to multiply by nine. She had problems with such _un-_even numbers like this.

"Feferi! That was it!" Kanaya said, her voice breaking slightly as it reached an unfamiliar octave. She slammed her fist into the palm of her other hand, beaming as she remembered the name. Her eyes lowered to meet Feferi's, a grin spreading across her face. "Wanna eat lunch with me today?"

Feferi looked around slowly for a moment. Was someone setting this girl up? Were they attempting to riddicule her again? Or...was she being serious. She was alone in the classroom, minus the girl. Mrs. Fenn had started letting her eat in the classroom while she worked on homework, since she usually ate alone. "Oh, but you're doing homework aren't you? Well, how about hanging out after school? This new arcade opened up just down the street. I was planning on going, but if-"

"No. I'll come eat with you." Feferi said, her voice whispy and slighly high pitched as she frantically started to clean up her desk, shoving the papers deep inside before scooping up her food. "I hate the nine's time tables anyways." She stood, then her heart fell. This girl-Uhm...Kanaya-was staring at her with such wide eyes. Maybe she had been joking around. "I-is something...wrong?" Feferi bit lightly on the inside of her bottom lip, getting ready for the laughing, the pain that would come when she asked if she thought she was serious.

"I didn't think...you had such a nice voice." Kanaya finally breathed. "Its..." She trailed off, looking away for a moment. "It's really nice. You should talk more in class. I'd like to hear your voice more when we do popcorn reading." She smiled down at Feferi, making her realize she was about a head taller than her. It made her feel really small and feeble. "C'mon, I'll show you to a few of my friends. It's a small group, but I think you'll like them." Kanaya took hold of Feferi's wrist, careful not to pull it too hard, causing her to drop her food.

The lunchroom was very loud. It was the gym, and all the kids in the school ate in it. Feferi wasn't quite use to the sound. She prefered quiet to noise. Her eyes begain to dart around frantically. She still wasn't beliving what Kanaya was telling her. Somewhere in this room, a group of kids would burst out laughing, shouting things like "She really came?" and Feferi would feel the sting of their words as they lashed out at her. She would feel alone again. "There they are." She pointed off to a corner where two other people sat, laughing at eachother, sandwhiches held up midair. One was a boy, the other a girl. They raced carefully through the crowd of people sitting on the floor to the nameless two, Kanaya quickly taking a spot beside the boy, before patting the empty spot on the floor for Feferi.

"Guys, this was the girl I was talking about. This is Feferi. Feferi, Karkat," She motioned to the boy, who gave a half nod to her as he bit into his sandwhich. "and Terezi. She's blind. You probably see her sleeping in class a lot."

"I'm not blind. I can see, just not that well. I just choose not to use my eyes as often as you two." Terezi said, looking directly at Kanaya. Feferi leaned in slightly to get a good look at her, and her eyes flicked in her direction, making Feferi jump back. They were a very pale blue colour, almost like someone attempted to paint them white or grey.

"How is that-" Feferi started. She wasn't exactly cut off, she just didn't really know how to finish it. Terezi spoke up quick enough to make it seem like she'd been cut off though.

"I can see if there's a really bright light shining on something. Well, I can see lights anyways. Its a rare form of blindness, where you don't go completely blind. So, when something gets infront of my light source, I know its there." Terezi explained. "Sadly, in the gym, there's very little light, so its hard for me to accuratly figure out where people are. Unless they talk."

"Then how did you know I was looking at you." Feferi asked confused.

Terezi pointed to Feferi's lap, or close enough to it. Her finger was pointing just slightly right of her knee, almost to the wall. "The bag in your lap. When you leaned forwards, or moved or whatever, I heard it, so I instinctively moved my eyes in that direction."

Feferi looked down, not quite processing this, and realized that Terezi was right. She'd brought a bag for any trash she needed to throw out. "Oh. Right. Silly me." Feferi giggled a little nervously. "Terezi, Karkat, Kanaya." The words were soft on her tougne as she pointed to each of the new faces in her life, attempting to remember their names and what they looked like.

"Feferi." Terezi said with a grin on her face, pointing a little higher this time, as if pointing out who she was. "I'll remember you. You have a nice voice."

That was the second time someone had mentioned that. Was it really that nice? She didn't care all that much though, because suddenly she felt like she belonged in this place. Like everything was sugar and rainbows and wonderful all at the same time. For once, she didn't mind actually eating her lunch instead of just pushing it around and staring absentmindly at it, mind else where for the moment.

These new people, her new friends, she truely enjoyed them. Terezi was loud and like to talk. Her voice was raspy but it really seemed to fit her. Karkat was tolerable. He had one of those personalities that took a while to get use to. Rough around the edges and all the way through sort of things. And Kanaya? She was so nice. She listened to everything her friends had to say, trying to stay within all the conversations so as to not make anyone feel left out. They talked about things they hated, about going to the arcade after school, younger siblings, older siblings, everything.

* * *

><p>"Mum! Mum! Guess what happened today!" Feferi screatched as she rushed into the house, dropping her bag by the door as she kicked off her shoes. Her mother leaned away from the kitchen sink, eye brow cocked as she studied her daugher. She hadn't seen or heard such an emotion from her since they moved, but Feferi didn't keep still. She was running around the house, babbling away. "I met a new friend today! Three of them. Ones a boy and he's kind of mean, but a good mean. He doesn't tease people, he just...he's distant. Oh, and one of my friends is blind, but she can see lights. I don't understand how that works, so I tried not asking. She still wears glasses, so maybe they're special and that's why they help." She pushed a drawer closed, then raced upstairs.<p>

Now her mom was baffled. After three long months, she'd finally decided to make friends? And what was she so excited about that she was running around the house. "That sounds nice. What about the third one?" Her mother called up to her, resuming her dishwashing duties. There was a quick pounding of footsteps as Feferi came racing back down the stairs into the kitchen, swinging around the corner and almost running into the coffee table.

"That ones Kanaya. She's really nice. She's quiet though, kind of like me, just...quiet." Feferi's mom laughed. She sure had a way of describing things didn't she? "Anyways, they're waiting for me outside. I told them I was running in to get my money and drop my stuff off." Now her mother was on alert.

"Why do you need money?" She questioned, putting the dish she was washing back into the sink.

"We're going to the new arcade that opened up. Its just down the street from the school." Now Feferi slowed down, one foot half into her shoe as she straightened up.

"They're not just trying to get money out of you?"

"I only grabbed ten dollars. I don't think I'll need more than that. We were just going to go play some video games and check it out." Feferi's voice wasn't as lively as it had been moments earlier. Now she sounded sad, almost hurt.

"I'm just checking. You know I don't want you to get hurt right? I just...wanted to make sure they weren't making you do anything you didn't want to." Her mother nodded, turning back to the sink. "I want you home by six. That's when supper will be ready."

"Alright! Wait, what about six-thirty? Is that okay?" Feferi asked, pushing her foot into her shoe and hastily pushing on the other before she stopped at the door.

"But no later. Even a second past that and you're in trouble." Her mother was stern. She didn't allow too many lea-ways with things. She believed the best way to teach obediance and rules was to be strict. So far, it seemed to be working.

"Alright, I'll be back before six-thirty. Thanks mum!" Feferi called, wrenching open the front door and dashing out.

But I don't think this is where the bad things started to happen. Or maybe this was simply the calm before the storm? The warning of what was to come?


	2. Chapter 2

**I have a feeling I may get shot at the end. Note to self. Never show this to my cousin! Please don't expect the worse though!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two:<strong>

You know how people always assume nothing bad will ever happen to them? Why don't we ever expect the worse, then smile about it when we're old and frail, realizing that it never happened to us? That we were the lucky ones who got to live a life without the hardships that come along with it?

It was seventh grade. Another new school, but the friends were still the same. Terezi had switched her glasses for a pair of bright red rimmed ones, adding a couple streaks of the candy red to her hair. Feferi thought it looked good on her, but at the same time, found it very distracting. Karkat had been forced into a hair cut during the summer, his long locks now cut to show his eye brows and the majority of his ears. It still didn't look like he'd bothered to brush it that morning though. And Kanaya? She was the same. Still the ever knowing walking concious of all her friends, pointing out their mistakes, giving them advice. How was she always so calm and collected?

Feferi showed up the first day in a bright, green and pink skirt and black t-shirt. She'd spent all morning looking for shoes that matched her outfit even a little, but eventually decided to opt for a pair of flip flops. She doubted anyone would notice them though, her skit almost hit the floor. She could feel the bottom of it brush against her feet every time she walked. To her, it reminded her of walking on the shoreline of a beach, the sand squishing between your toes, the water rushing up over the tops of your feet. That was one thing they'd never done during the summer. Go to the beach. But every time they tried, something would come up. Someone had to go on a family outing, someone had a dentist or doctors appointment, their car broke down. It was very frusterating.

But this was the year Feferi met him. And by him, she meant Gamzee. He was a quirky kind of man, and she got along with him instantly. His mind was bright and vivid, so full of colour. She loved how it worked. Unlike Feferi, Gamzee could care less about fashion, and it was very apperant. He would show up to school wearing everything and anything that was far from matching. Purple sweat pants with white polkadots on them, and a random t-shirt, usually one form or another of the rainbow. He always told her he could never quite find a colour that fit his style. Karkat disliked this man, and was very volcal about it.

"I don't see why you hang out with that fuck ass." Karkat said around a celery stick he was chewing on during lunch hour.

"Karkat, language." Kanaya heeded without missing a beat.

"Like I give a flying fuck about my language. What the fuck are they going to do? Send me to detention? Suspend me? Fucking expell me?" Karkat snarled, making Terezi giggle a little at him. He'd gained quite the potty mouth over the summer. It made Feferi a little uneasy. She wasn't use to hearing people use foul language.

"Just trying to save your ass. Don't come crying to me later." Kanaya huffed under her breath, shaking her head. She moved her arms a little, staring straight down at the table, and Feferi realized she'd been reading a book the entire time.

"Anyways, the thing I'm trying to say here is, I think he's bad news. I mean, look at him! He seems to have no idea what he's doing, he has horrible grades and hangs out with the kids that are into drugs. And by drugs I do mean-"

"I know what you mean, you don't have to tell me twice. But he's not like that around me. He's very nice." Feferi said, trying to assert herself in this conversation. Karkat always made her so uneasy, and she never quite understood why. She knew what made him mad, what ticked him off and what made him giggle his weird little piglett noises. Everyone thought he sounded like a pig when he laughed because he snorted so much.

"He may not be like that around you right now, but that doesn't mean he won't be in the future. What are you going to do if he asks you to try something one day? Hmm? Are you going to try it all nilly-willy thinking nothings going to happen to you?" It seemed like he'd taken Kanaya's warning about the language, because it'd ceased to exist. Karkat still dropped his sandwhich, one hand clenching their table while the other was pointing accusingly at Feferi.

"No. I wouldn't start smoking or drinking or anything like that. Karkat, you should know better." Feferi felt like she was being backed into a corner. Never once had she hinted that she was curious about drugs or acohol since they met.

"She's right Karkat. I doubt she has the balls to do anything that extravagant." Terezi pointed out. Her lips turned up at the corners, making it seem like she hadn't quite dismissed the idea though. "But," She started, making Feferi sigh. "Karkat does have a point. You should be wary of him. Mind you, I don't have a problem with you making friends, just so long as you actually think about who you're making friends with."

"Are you siding with him, or are you actually giving me advice?" Feferi cocked a brow at her.

"A little bit of both. I mean, think about it. Lets say he does do drugs. One day, you're going to be good friends with him, and he's going to offer you something, ask you to try it. Now, if you're really good friends with this guy, what do you think you're going to do?" Terezi asked. "And don't say not try it, because I actually want you to think about this."

"Imagine it was Kanaya asking you instead of Gamzee, lets see how that fucking works." Karkat interjected, making Kanaya glare up at him. "What."

Feferi rolled her eyes, but wen't along with it. She imagined it being years in the future, when she was really pretty and really popular. Her and Kanaya were hanging out during lunch hour, sitting on the grass in a warm summers breeze, faces to the sky as they breathed everything in. Then Kanaya turned to her, asked if she wanted to try something like weed. Feferi felt her heart flutter, her face begin to drop into something a little of worry and confusion, but she reluctantly reached out to whatever Kanaya was holding. She opened her eyes, back in the lunch room, staring down at the fists in her lap.

"I guess you're right." She half whispered. "But Kanaya's different. If it were her, then I'd trust her enough not to hurt me, or allow me to get hurt. I don't know Gamzee that well, I'll admit that, but..." She sucked in her lip, looking up slightly.

Karkat rolled his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. "My fucking God, are we still serious? You're still going to say, that because its Gamzee, you wouldn't fucking do it. What's going to make him any different from the three of us in...oh lets just say three years so we're in tenth grade? Hmm? Name one fucking thing Fef. One."

Feferi looked to Kanaya, but she only returned the look. She was interested in her friends answer to this, not even bothering to warn Karkat on his language. "He's a boy..."

"Thanks. Glad to know that you fucking love me too." Karkat spat, folding his arms as he leaned back in his chair.

"That's not what I meant Karkat." Feferi's eyes shot to his, worred and burning.

"Then what did you mean Fef? Because it sure as hell seems like you don't trust me."

"I-" Fef looked around, mouth still agape as she shrugged her shoulders. "He's just not...Its not the same. I don't hang out with you alone. Either Terezi or Kanaya are there with us. But with Gamzee? Any of his friends I don't hang out with, and he doesn't hang out with us so..." Was that good enough? Or was she still stepping on that landmine?

"What ever." Karkat pushed away from the table, leaving his food sitting there as he walked away.

"Karkat." Terezi called, hearing him leave. "Karkat!" She turned, jumping up from her chair to chase after him. Feferi was about to follow, when she felt a hand on her elbow and turned to see Kanaya shaking her head.

"Just let him go. He's going through a rough stage in his life okay? He just needs a moment."

A rough stage? What did she mean? Like when girls went through puberty and couldn't sort out their emotions anymore? Like when you can't choose between two of your favourite desserts, or your favourite colours? "What's going on?" Feferi asked, voice soft.

Kanaya squinted, looking towards the wall as she leaned back in her seat. She'd closed her book, both hands now resting upon its cover. "How do I explain this." A puff of air escaped from between her lips. "His mum walked out on them the other day. Screaming too. I don't know much about it, but I know he feels like its his fault. That's why he's been...on edge." She rubbed at her arm, flicking her eyes to look at Feferi. "Don't tell him I spilled. He'll kill me."

"I didn't know. I wont tell. Don't worry." Feferi remained quiet for a moment, picking at her food. "Should we go look for them?"

"No. They'll come back. If not before the bell, then we'll just clean up their stuff and give it to them in class." Kanaya flipped her book back open. She always seemed to have her nose in one of those things.

* * *

><p>She didn't think that one day, what Karkat had said would come true. She didn't think that she would ever have to choose between doing what she thought was right, and what her friend wanted to do. But the days grew into weeks, which in turn grew to months. Fall turned to winter, to spring then to summer. The week before final exams was reserved for studying. You were allowed to study anywhere within the school, so long as your teacher allowed it. If you left, they treated it just like a normal class, and you were marked absent and docked marks. Some of the teachers however, were a little more leanient with that.<p>

Feferi was piled over a mess of papers, head in her hands as she stared down at them. Algebra looked like Latin to her. She was always so good at math, but as soon as they started sticking letters in there, everything went down hill. Slowly, her fingers begain to drum up against her head. Solve for 'x' she kept telling herself. How was she supposed to isolate 'x' again? Divide by something, multiply by something...? Right? Maybe she was supposed to add the two in the equation. No. That didn't seem right.

"What are you doing?" Feferi jumped, whipping her head around to see who was talking to her. Gamzee. She should've recognized the slightly nasally voice. He always sounded high, and sometimes he smelled like it. Not today though. He smelled like fresh rain. Looked like he just got done showering too.

"Math. I'm trying to figure out how to do this. It just never clicked for me." Feferi held up the piece of paper for Gamzee to look at. Instead of taking it, he simply cocked his head to the side and studied it.

"Oh man. This shit? Aww sorry bro, can't help you there. Never understood much that had to do with letters." He gave her a half hearted smile, but she only sighed irritated. It seemed like no one could help her here. Feferi turned away, returning to her pondering. Maybe she could just look up the answer and work her way backwards to figure it out? "Hey, I know what will calm you down a little." Gamzee's hand was lightly upon her shoulder, his voice closer to her.

"Hmm?" She questioned, a little confused. She studied him for a moment before he tilted his head towards the closest set of doors leading outside. "Outside?"

"Yeah. We'll just step outside, I'll give you something to calm your nerves, we come back in, and bingo! This is a piece of cake." It sounded fabricated, dangerous even. What was he planning? What was he up to? "C'mon." Gamzee hoisted her to her feet, then started for the door. She hesitated there for a moment. It hit her. He wanted her to do drugs. But she'd never done something like that. What would her mother think?

Hesitantly, she stepped forward. Slowly at first, but then she caught up with him and followed him outside. What was she doing? It was like her feet were moving by themselves. Gamzee fished around in his pockets for a moment, before pulling out a lighter and wedging it in the door to keep it from closing all the way, then pointed across the street where the school couldn't see them. Her heart started racing, but she followed anyways.

_Stop. Tell him no. Go back to studying. What would Karkat say?_

Her mind kept racing, kept telling her what to do, what people would say. She wanted to listen to them so badly, but she couldn't. Her feet wouldn't obey what her mind was ordering them to do. Gamzee jogged across the street, hunkering down at the base of a bush. Feferi followed suit, sitting beside him, knee's pulled to her chest, hands resting atop them. He pulled out a little bag full of something green that looked crushed up, followed by a pack of papers. Feferi watched in amazement as he rolled them a joint with ease and lit it.

Was it too late to go back? Could she just say this wasn't what he thought he'd meant and go back? What if he questioned her? What would she say. "Here." He coughed a little holding the rolled piece of paper out to her. Shaking, she reached for it.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Feferi froze hearing Karkat's voice. She couldn't even look up, couldn't move a muscle. "What did I fucking tell you Fef? And here you are, smoking with him? Seriously?" Tears started welling up in her eyes. He'd tell Terezi. He'd tell Kanaya. Then they wouldn't want to be her friends anymore.

"Whoa. Calm down man. I was only trying to help her." Gamzee said, standing. Mistake.

"Get the fuck away from her you fucking stoner." Karkat roared, throwing a fist. It connected to his jaw, causing Feferi to finally come to life with a scream. Her hands flew to her mouth, eyes wide. This wasn't happening. There was no reason for this. But it was too late, Gamzee was mad. "Get up." He commanded Feferi. She obeyed and he grabbed her wrist roughly, dragging her behind him.

"I don't think she wants to go with you man. Look. She's mother fucking scared." Karkat stopped, eyes blazing as he turned to face Gamzee again, but Gamzee was already upon him, throwing a fist in his direction too. It connected square in the face, wrenching Feferi loose of his grip and making him stumble back. Gamzee was relentless, throwing more punches until he finally just shoved him out into the street.

Out into the street.

Into on coming traffic.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Karkat!" Feferi screamed, tears pouring down her face. She brushed past Gamzee who stood still, only moving his head to watch the car speed off. Collapsing to her knees, she held her hands out, but refused to touch him. His face was bruised and bleeding from his scuffle with Gamzee, but he wasn't moving. Wasn't making a sound. "Karkat?" Her voice shook with the same force her hands were displaying. Was he dead? Oh God he was dead wasn't he? Feferi didn't bother checking for a pulse, for breathing. Instead she lept to her feet, rounding on Gamzee. "Gamzee what the...what...what the _fuck_ did you do?" She screamed, fighting to get the swear out of her mouth. She felt vile after saying it, but free at the same time. She'd said exactly what she was feeling.

"I didn't know man. I had no idea. Oh shit. He's dead isn't he?" Gamzee looked paler than usual, like what little colour had been there before had just drained out completely. Feferi wanted so badly to hit him. To get upset. But it just wasn't in her nature. She just couldn't hurt someone no matter what they did. Instead, she turned back to face Karkat, standing by his body with her fingers laced in her hair. What did she do?

"Fef?" Her head shot up. Kanaya was at the door she'd left through, yelling at her. "What are you doing? You'll get marked absent!" She called, as Terezi's face popped out behind her. Kanaya could help. Kanaya was always calm. Kanaya would be able to fix this. Feferi opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She tried again, but the words just wouldn't form.

"Have you seen Karkat?" Terezi called. "He was helping me study then he went to the bathroom and never came back." Terezi was walking towards Feferi. She was blind. She couldn't help. But she'd step on him. She'd find out.

Sobs burst forth, making Feferi drop to the ground in convulsions. "Fef?" Kanaya called, running. She stopped when she saw Karkat's body on the road. Her head instantly snapped from left to right, looking for oncomming traffic. "Fef, take his legs, you're explaing after." Kanaya said, all business as she ran to Karkat's shoulders. Feferi followed as instructed, helping to carry him onto the side walk.

"What's going on here? Did I miss something." Terezi asked. It was obvious she had.

Kanaya quickly checked for a pulse. "He's alive. Here, call 9-1-1," Kanaya threw Feferi her phone, rouding on Gamzee. "What the fuck happened here." Feferi stopped. She'd never heard Kanaya use that word. "Why the hell is my friend unconcious on the road, and why is the other one sobbing her fucking eyes out? You better have answers or I swear to God I'll saw your skinny toothpick of a body in half." Her eyes bore holes into Gamzee, finger pointing at him, almost touching his nose with every step she took towards him.

"I was just helpin a friend out. Wanted to make her feel better. Next thing ya know, this mother fuckers out here yellin up a storm. Got into a little fist fight-" Gamzee started.

"Your no help." Kanaya dismissed him, realizing he wasn't telling the whole truth. That he was leaving things out. "When we get to the hospital, you're explaining everything. Got it?"

"Hospital? Wait, who's hurt?" Terezi asked. She'd over heard the conversation, but they weren't exactly being straight forward with the names. "Is it Karkat?"

"Yes, Terezi, its Karkat. Don't say anything. Just...shush." Wait, was Kanaya breaking? Was this because of Feferi?

* * *

><p>Feferi sat hunched over in the waiting room, twisting her hands over one another. Kanaya was in the room with Karkat, figuring out what was wrong with him. Terezi sat beside Feferi. She wasn't much help at the moment. Feferi started to bounce her feet in anticipation.<p>

"So let me get this straight." Terezi asked after a long pause. Feferi had filled her in, hoping that she would take the information better than Kanaya. "Gamzee comes up to you in the hall, offers you some drugs, and you say yes. In short form anyways. Karkat randomly shows up, gets mad, punches Gamzee then theres a little fight, in which Karkat ends up getting hit before we show up? Is that right?"

"Yeah. I kept thinking about how upset with me he would be if he found out what I was doing. I didn't mean to. My feet just...wouldn't stop." Feferi said, voice sounding hurt, ready to break.

"Shit. That sucks. Well, in my opinion, its not Kanaya that you have to worry about, its Karkat. When he wakes up. He's going to have so many words to say to you." Terezi shook her head, rubbing at her temples.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think...I didn't think anyone would get hurt. I didn't want anyone to get hurt." Feferi started crying again. Her eyes were probably so swollen and red from all the crying she'd done. No matter how much she cried, the tears never seemed to run out. There was always more. They just kept coming.

"I know. I know. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'll go in and tell Karkat not to yell and scream at you until he's out of the hospital. How does that sound?" Terezi asked, rubbing Feferi's back. "I'll tell him your side of the story too, in hopes that it'll lessen the talking you're evidently going to recieve."

"Okay. Thank you Terezi. So much."

* * *

><p>Karkat was okay, minus a few broken bones, and some cuts and bruises. Terezi filled in both Kanaya and Karkat on the situation before Feferi walked in, but it didn't help her feel any better. The air in the room was so thick and heavy, it made her feel like she was suffocating. It didn't help that everyone was looking at her either.<p>

"Hey." She said softly, walking over to Karkat's bed. He was shirtless, his right leg was wrapped in a thick cast, along with his right arm. His nose was all patched up and you could see bandages peeking out from under his bangs. His entire right side was scratched up, and Feferi couldn't help but stare at his naked chest. Just knowing that some would turn into scars and never go away.

"You have no idea, how much I want to yell at you right now." Karkat stated. "But Terezi convinced me not to, so I'm not going to. If you want to explain yourself better, then you can, otherwise there's nothing to talk about right now." Feferi flinched at this. Did this mean he didn't want to be friends at the moment?

"Are we still friends? Are you mad at me?"

"What kind of question is that? Yes, we are still friends, and yes I am _very_ mad at you. I thought I told you to be careful?" Karkat narrowed his eyes at Feferi. He was forgetting to leave the topic until he was out of the hospital.

"I was. I was just so stressed about the one question. Then I followed him, and no matter how much I told myself not to, I couldn't stop following him. I couldn't stop myself. I don't know why." Karkat growled at her. "But, I'm glad you showed up when you did, but at the same time, I'm not. I really wish you wouldn't have shown up so you wouldn't be here right now. And it hurts knowing that I can't change that, Karkat." Here came the water works again. She was such a cry baby.

"I'll let it slide this time, but in return you must agree never to do that again, no matter who is asking you, and you have to do what ever I say until I'm all better. Deal?" Karkat offered, making Feferi beam and nod at such an incredibly fast rate, you were sure her head was going to bounce off.

"I promise. Never again. And what ever you want of me, I'll do it if I can!"

The smile on Feferi's face was genuine, but the one on Karkat's seemed full of pain and lies. Lies that said he was simply putting on an act so he didn't see her cry anymore. "Just keep smiling okay? That face looks best on you." Feferi's eyes widened at this. He prefered when she smiled? Well, everyone prefered when someone smiled. They looked happy and full of warmth, so why wouldn't he? She just found it odd that he was stating it without some sort of sarcastic remark to go along with it.

This was probably what got the ball rolling. This was probably what set all the bad things into motion. This one, simple little even that she thought wasn't going to hurt anyone. In reality, it hurt a whole lot of people, and the pain would only fester inside of her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so incase you haven't noticed, this is probably going to be a long assed, long winded story. Just saying.**

**Secondly, there are going to be things in this story, that may offend some people. Even **_**I'm**_** having a hard time writing this, because **_**most**_** of the stuff that has/ is going to happen in the story, has happened to me or the people around me. -Just so you know-**

**Last, no, I don't kill off characters. Even though there are some that I would **_**really**_** like to. So don't worry! Karkat never dies, Feferi can't die (well...), Terezi's not going to die, and Kanaya can go die in a hole, concidering I know what's going to become of her wonderful life in the end. :/ **

**Without further ado, Chapter 4**

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><p>Eighth grade started, and Feferi kept her word. Through out the summer, she'd only managed to become more and more bubbly, until it was rare for you to see a frown on her face. It was something she'd worked hard on, and had many sleepless nights from. Because of the accident, she hadn't seen much of Karkat, and it was one thing she was dreading the most about the new school year.<p>

A new year, meant finally being switched around and randomly placed in classes. Though Feferi skipped happily into the school and ran straight up to the class board, her heart still fluttered in her chest, and her stomache still flipped around. The first thing she did was went down all three lists. Usually there were five classes for each grade, but her year seemed to be rather small. Terezi and Kanaya were both in class 8A, Gamzee was in 8B, which meant...

Feferi swallowed hard, deciding to start from the bottom up on the final list. Maybe she'd just missed Karkat's name on one of the previous ones.

"Karkat. Karkat..." She whispered to herself as she searched for his name. It showed up. She chewed her lip as she continued upwards, searching for her name. It was there too.

"Guess we're in the same class, huh?" Karkat asked from behind her, making Feferi jump slightly. She hadn't expected him to be there.

"Yup!" She beamed, turning to face him. He had a bit of a limp, but other than that he looked perfectly fine. "How are you feeling? I heard you got your cast off this morning."

"Fucking right I did. Who knew legs took longer to heal than arms? I was about ready to saw it off myself. Then they had the nerve to give me this crutch." He wiggled the wooden object infront of Feferi, then put it back under his arm.

"Well, you haven't really walked on it that much over the summer, so I can understand why."

"Well I sure as hell don't." Karkat snarled. To prove a point, Feferi grabbed his crutch, then moved out of his reach, holding his crutch like she dared him to come get it. "Hey, that's not nice!"

"Prove that you don't need it. C'mon Karkles, surely the doctors must be trying to make a fool out of you. Prove them wrong." The grin on her face looked sinister, something that didn't belong on her small, chubby little cheeks.

"Piss off. I can hardly walk! Give it back! And when the hell did my nickname become Karkles?" He reached out for it, trying his hardest to keep his balance. It felt odd to walk on it without the cast. Almost like it was asleep.

"When I decided it sounded cute." Feferi giggled, handing him his crutch back. "I'll see if Terezi and Kanaya will use it too. I think its just adorable. And it sounds nice too. Karkles. Almost like your laugh."

"Oh har har. Very funny. And what should I call you? Ginger instead of Fef?" Karkat had just noticed the freckles that peppered her nose and the tops of her cheeks. She must've gotten them over the summer.

"My hairs no where near orange!" Feferi whinned. "Look! Dark brown! It almost looks black." She pulled at her long wavy locks, trying to prove how _not_ orange or red looking her hair was.

"I dunno. You probably dyed it that colour." Karkat laughed, seeing the defeated look on his friends face. "I'm just joking. But seriously, don't call me Karkles. Its like a pet name." Feferi rolled her eyes as they turned to go to their class and recieve their locker numbers. "So how was your summer?"

"Good. Mum made me start doing chores. I told her I really wanted a cell phone for my bithday, so she told me I had to work for it. I guess its not so bad huh?" Feferi asked, looking over at Karkat. With the crutch, he walked perfectly normal, but he leaned a little to his right because of it. It was almost like that horrible day had been erased completely from history. "I'd ask about you, but I assume it was spent on the couch eating chips and playing video games."

"Do you stalk me or something? Because that is creepily accurate." Karkat wrinkled his nose as he looked over at her.

"Pfft. No. Every time I'd been over to your house you would always say 'Sorry, I was just playing a game.' Then we'd walk into the living room and there'd always be a bag of chips beside your controller." Feferi pointed out. "Its not very hard to guess what you do with your free time when its the same thing over and over again."

"Point taken. Guess I need to find a new hobby." Karkat tilted his head from side to side, trying to think of what he could possibly do with his free time instead of play video games.

"You could play dollies!" Feferi's eyes lit up. "I have a whole bunch I could let you borrow! Its so much fun. You can make them go to the mall, or go on grand adventures, or or...everything!" The look Karkat gave her was a cross between disbelief and utter disgust.

"No. Hell no. I will never be caught within ten feet of a doll! Ever."

"Fine. I was just trying to help." Feferi sighed, pulling open the door to their class room. They had a female teacher for home room it seemed. Just by looking around the room you could tell she at least taught social. Great. Why couldn't it be math or science? She loved those two courses. "I'm Feferi, and this is Karkl-Karkat." Feferi told the teacher, stammering over the little nickname she'd given him.

The teacher looked down at the attendance sheet she had infront of her, looking for their names. "Okay. Feferi, your locker number 216, and Karkat you're...218." She said, handing them each a lock. "The combinations are on the piece of tape on the back. Make sure to memorize it and take the tape off."

"Wait, wait. Aren't they going alphabetically? Why am I two lockers down from her then?" Karkat asked, confused though his tone came off as a little irritated.

"We just randomly chose them. We thought it would be better that way, since then you meet new people around you, instead of the same people every year." Their teacher beamed up at them. "Oh, right, my names Miss Pennington. I teach Social and Math." Feferi's eyes grew wide. She taught math? Well, she wasn't so bad then. But where on these walls were anything that depicted math?

"Oh. Alright then. C'mon Fef. Help me get my shit in my locker."

"Language young man." Miss Pennington warned.

"Sorry." Karkat said, turning his back to her so he could roll his eyes and mouth something to himself.

Feferi quickly found their lockers, opening Karkat's up first so they could put his stuff away. "Need help with the lock?" She asked him, opening her's up, then emptying out her bag carefully so everything in her locker was all neatly organized for her.

"No. The locks the easy-" Karkat's voice cut off, and Feferi looked up to see him looking past her. Confused, she turned her head to see what he was looking at. Gamzee, standing right beside her. He didn't even seem to notice the two, just started throwing things into the locker next to hers, then threw the lock on and walked away. "Switch me lockers."

"What? Why? He's not doing anything." Feferi said, not because she didn't mind having a locker beside him, but because it meant having to take all of her stuff from her locker.

"I said, switch me lockers." Karkat's voice had a tone of warning in it, and Feferi obeyed.

* * *

><p>Slowly, Feferi started to drift away from her friends. First it was Terezi, then Kanaya and finally Karkat. She felt like she owed something to Karkat, which was why it'd taken so long for her to loosen their ties. At the same time, she became closer and closer to Gamzee. She started learning more about him, went over to his house to visit, at lunches with him. It was nice, but she knew Karkat hated it.<p>

"Hey, you wanna go out?" Gamzee asked. They were sitting out on the grass infront of the school eating their lunch. It was April, when the weather just started to get nice.

"Sure. Was there a movie you wanted to go see?" Feferi totally missed the point he was getting at, which made Gamzee smirk down at her with half lided eyes.

"No, silly. I meant 'do you want to be my girlfriend'?" Gamzee laughed a little at her, and her face lit up, feeling warm. What did she say? Did she like him that way?

"Oh. Uhm...sorry Gamz, I don't like you...like that." She smiled at him in a way that said she was truely sorry for it. "I'm sorry."

"Naw man, its okay. I understand." Gamzee dismissed it like he had been asking her to go see a movie later, instead of something more important.

That should've been the first warning sign for her. That should've been what persuaded her to not say yes to all of his idea's. Gamzee met a new friend named Tavros, and the two ended up almost being connected at the hip. They were best friends, but Gamzee always included Feferi in things. Going to the movies, playing video games at his house, whatever he could think of. There were days when she was too busy though, and wouldn't go.

By the end of May, Feferi had earned herself a new cellphone. It wasn't as fancy as what the other kids had, but she loved it none the less and got all of her friends numbers added into it, even the ones she'd drifted away from. Eventually, Feferi made up with Terezi, Kanaya and Karkat, and they started hanging out a lot more.

But she still hung out with Gamzee and Tavros. She couldn't abandon them, leave them behind. But at the same time, she felt something was off about the two, that something was going to happen.


	5. Chapter 5

**MY GOD THE TRIGGER IN THIS ONE MAKES ME WANT TO CRY. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO WRITE THIS ONE.**

**Also, last update before I go away for about 12 days. Well, maybe. I dunno if I can update while I'm away, but if I can, then I will!**

**And the hardships begin. :/**

**Beware and enjoy.**

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><p>Feferi leaned up against the brick wall of the school, tounge sticking out of her mouth as she started hard at her phone. She was trying to pick up on the texting thing, but was finding it really hard. Her thumbs moved so slow compared to Kanaya's or Terezi's. Karkat? She had no idea. He hardly texted around them. But that was who she was texting now. It was May, but she was curious as to what Karkat would like for his birthday, which wasn't until July.<p>

"What...do...you..want...for...your...birthday." She said slowly to herself as she typed out each word.

_WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING. MY BIRTHDAYS NOT FOR ANOTHER TWO MONTHS._

Feferi wrinkled her nose at his response. They'd decided to come up with their own typing quirks since they tended to steal eachothers phones alot. It helped, since you always knew who you were talking to. Unless someone tried to copy their quirk. Feferi just so happened to hate Karkat's.

_B-Ecaus-E. I want som-E id-Ea's so I )(av-E tim-E to look._

She smiled down at her response and hit send. It was true. She liked being able to mull over things for a while, because then it allowed her to make the best possible decision. Her phone vibrated in her hand. It wasn't Karkat though, which she'd conveniently named 'Karkles' without him knowing.

_Hey. Tav's birthday is in a couple days. He's wonderin if you'd like to come to the party._

It was Gamzee. Tavros's birthday was in May? Feferi blinked a couple times at the message. She had no time to think of a perfect gift for him!

_I don't know w)(at to g-Et )(im thoug)(..._

"Oh. Wait, he doesn't do the typing quirk!" Feferi squeaked right as she hit send. Oh well. It had become habit for her. Who knows, maybe he'd create one of his own.

_Something wrong with your phone dude? Anyways, it doesn't matter man. Tav's cool with you just commin._

_Sorry! Typing quirk! Its sort of )(abbit for m-E to do it now. Fri-Ends and I d-Ecid-Ed it would b-E a good id-Ea. Ar-E you sur-E h-E'll b-E okay wit)( that?_

_Whoa. Cool bro! Anyways, yeah. It'll be fine._

Feferi tilted her head to the sides a couple times. Did she want to go?

_Alrig)(t. W)(at day is it? _

_The 12th. Its a sleep over party too, if you wanna stay. Tav said it starts at three. _

_Okay. I will s-EE you th-Er-E th-En!_

Feferi smiled a little. Invited to Tavros's birthday party huh? She decided it would still be nice to get him something. Did he like plush toys? No, no, she needed to stop thinking of things she liked, and start thinking of what others liked. Which reminded her, she had a text message waiting.

_I DON'T FUCKING CARE. GET ME WHATEVER YOU WANT._

Well that was informative. Feferi glared at her phone, as she pushed off the wall, starting for her house. She'd decided to go for a walk, but now she decided she was done with it. Weekends were boring.

_Fin-E th-En. I'll just g-Et you a nic-E Barbi-E doll, )(ow do-Es that sound?_

_FUCKIN AWESOME. YOU DO THAT._

"Screw you too Karkles." Feferi mumbled to her phone, shoving it in her pocket. Maybe she would get him a Barbie doll. Then he'd learn to be serious when she asked him what he wanted for his birthday. Maybe she'd make a hobbie of it, and get him a new one every year for the rest of his life. That would definatly teach him. It'd be the best day of the year, every year! Feferi stopped dead in her tracks. Gamzee had said the birthday was also a sleep over one. What happened if it was only her and Gamzee that wanted to sleep over? It would end up awkward, she was sure, since Gamzee and Tavros had decided to start going out. They were keeping it secret from almost everyone, since they were afraid of what people would say if they knew.

Feferi started walking again, chewing on the end of her thumb as she thought. If that happened, she supposed she could simply go home when everyone else did. That would work. She could bring a backpack with some extra things in it, like drawing paper and a book. That way it wouldn't seem so weird. She'd still have to ask her mom about it.

* * *

><p>"Mum?"<p>

"What is it honey?" Her mum turned around, giving her daughter a curious look. She was in the middle of placing everything for supper. She'd allowed Feferi to sit this one chore out, which meant she was instead, sitting at the table with her head in her hand.

"I don't know what to get Karkat for his birthday. I tried asking him, but he just gave me a snarky response. Then I was invited to Tavros's birthday, but its a sleep over one. Well, if I want to stay over, but I'm not sure if I do. What do you think?"

Her mom laughed lightly, placing a bowl of steamed carrots on the table. "About which one? Karkat's birthday, or Tavros's?"

"Both." Feferi said simply, reaching for a carrot. She loved how they tasted, sweet, yet dirty.

"Well, watch what Karkat does. Look at what seems to interest him. I'm sure you can find something that he likes if you do that. As for Tavros, if you want to sleep over, you are more than welcome to, but make sure you have minutes and your phone is charged incase you want to come home alright? Do you know who all is going?"

"So far, just Gamzee. I didn't really ask, but I can tomorrow when I'm at school. Say, where's Lizzy?" Feferi asked, looking around for her younger sister.

"Please do. And she's having supper at a friends house. She'll be home later." Her mother answered.

"Oh. Alright."

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><p>Feferi was up far too early, and far too excited the day of Tavros's birthday. She ran around her room, throwing clothes out of her dresser, off their hangers as she attempted to put together the best outfit possible. Eventually, she chose to wear a white tank top, and a bright pink mini-skirt with black leggings. Then she was in the bathroom trying to get the tangle of a mess she called her hair up into a high top pony tail. Just because it kept from getting messed up while she slept, and made things easier for her.<p>

"Okay, I'll need PJ's and an extra shirt, since I can just wear this home again tomorrow." Feferi told herself as she wandered around the clothes littering her floor. Anything would do really, she had no preference, she just didn't want to be boiling hot the next day because she chose the wrong thing. Something light and breezy would do perfectly. "Pfff..." She puffed, looking at her floor. Nothing seemed to fit that discription. She opted for the first thing her hand touched, which just happened to be a black shirt. She'd regret that decision in the morning.

By the time three o'clock rolled around, her mother was more than happy to get her daughter out of the house. One would swear she'd been fed nothing but sugar since her eyes popped open that morning. Feferi skipped all the way to Tavros's house, deciding it would be best to burn off some of this pent up energy rolling around inside of her. It worked too. By the time she got to his house, she was the normal hyper she was every day at school. From outside, she could hear something that sounded like Guitar Hero going on, only it was horrible singing, not horrible guitar work. What were they doing in there? Feferi lightly pressed her finger to the door bell. The singing stopped for a moment as foot steps were heard barreling down the stairs and the door wrenched itself open.

Instead of seeing a familiar face, Feferi was greeted with a small, chubby one that was missing a few teeth. A little girl. Tavros was hot on her heels though. "Taylor, go play downstairs." He said, patting her on the back to get her to move. "Sorry, she's a little excited about all the people here." His voice seemed really timid, but the singing had started back up. "We're just doing Kareoke, wanna join?"

"Sure. That sounds fun." Feferi beamed. She did like singing.

Most of the people at the party, Feferi didn't know. None of her origional band of friends decided to show up, so it was a little awkward mingling with these people. The night was spent singing awkwardly tuned songs, watching a few movies and stuffing themselves with chips, pop and pizza, something Feferi wasn't about to complain about. Then the sun fell in the sky and everyone went home. Everyone except her and Gamzee.

"Are you going to stay over too?" Tavros asked. The look he gave her made her heart twang inside her. He was pulling at her heart strings.

"Yeah. I can probably sleep on your sisters floor. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Feferi giggled. The little girl had taken a liking to her, attempting to sit beside her when ever possible, only to be shooed away by her older brother.

"Its okay, I set up beds in the living room downstairs. I mean, more blankets than we need now, but it'll still work I guess. We can move things around." Tavros said.

"We should still include your sister in this one thing. I betcha she feels a little left out." It wasn't that Feferi was worried, she simply knew what it felt like to be excluded. She'd been the lone man out for three whole months, and she hated knowing someone else felt the same.

"Yeah. I guess that's okay. No harm there."

* * *

><p>The three of them ended up destroying the make-shift beds Tavros had set up, opting to make their own beds with whatever they could lay their hands on before someone else claimed it. Feferi ended up with the most pillows, surrounding herself with them to make a cozy little nest. Gamzee got the most blankets, and just piled them on top of eachother. Tavros put on a Harry Potter movie, which eventually put Feferi to sleep. During the good part too! But she'd seen it about a hundred times. All the Harry Potter movies were her favourite. Witches and Wizards flying around casting spells, fighting evil. It was a dream come-<p>

Feferi's brows meshed together, unsure of what she was dreaming. Something brushed against her again. She wasn't dreaming. She was half concious, which made it seem like a dream. Was it Tavros's little sister? She had fallen asleep rather close to her, but she might've moved to her own bed. Now there was a hand on her shoulder, much too big to be Taylor's small like chubby fingers. It pushed at her shoulder, making her roll on to her back. Feferi's heart begain to beat frantically within her chest.

_This isn't happening. This isn't happening. You're just having a bad dream Fef. Its okay._

She kept repeating the words in her head, hoping that the illusion would dissipate and she'd wake up staring at a darkened ceiling. But she wouldn't. A hand slipped up her shirt, running along her ribs while another slid down. Feferi's eyes shot open, hands flew upwards as she tried to push her assailant off. She was about to scream when the hand on her shoulder pressed itself against her mouth. She fought, kicking her legs every which way in hopes that she'd hit something. _Anything_. It wasn't working though. Tears started to stream down her face as she realized who it was. Gamzee. He simply moved his feet to pin down hers as he moved in to start trailing kisses down her neck.

Feferi's eyes flicked over to where she remembered Tavros having fallen asleep.

_Tavros. Wake up. Come save me! Please._

Feferi choked on her sobs, reverting inwards as the worst approached. She kept fighting, hoping to knock him over, get away. She didn't care how she managed, what she ended up looking like, she just wanted to run. Why didn't any of her friends show up? If Karkat were here, he would've beaten Gamzee sensless. That was it! Karkat would answer her if she texted him, no matter if there was only one letter. Or if she called him but didn't say anything. He'd come looking for her. Just like the first time. He'd come to her rescue.

Feferi reached out her free hand, looking for her phone, but it was quickly pinned down with his elbow as Gamzee got to work.

_Oh God. No. Please stop. _

But he wouldn't. Not until he got what he wanted. When he did, he miandered off to his own bed, resuming his facade of sleep as Feferi curled up into a ball. All she could do was cry. She didn't even have the will power to text anyone, to call for help, to get up and run.

It was official. She'd had enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright, just because I'm nice, I got up early so I could write this out for you guys. LOVVE ME GUYS, LOVVE ME.**

**Anyways, after this one, I cannot guarentee and update until MARCH SECOND. **

**On another note, I have no idea what my nephew dropped on the floor upstairs, but it sounds like something is dying, and its quite distracting.**

**Severe warning for a trigger in here. your welcome.**

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><p>The next morning, Feferi's head was reeling. She'd been dreaming the entire night, and that's all there was to it. No one was acting any differently, so why should she?<p>

"Are you alright?" Tavros asked. Feferi looked like shit, like she hadn't slept a wink that night.

"I don't feel so well." Her voice was small, weak. "I think I might've caught something. Sorry, Tav, but I'm gonna go home." Feferi got to her feet, picking up her cellphone on the way before she grabbed her bag.

"Want me to ask mum to drive you home?" Tavros was on his feet as well, walking over to help her out.

"No. I think some fresh air will do me some good. If it gets really bad I can always call my mom." Feferi smiled weakly, making Tavros nod at her. She said her good-byes then left.

While she walked, she kept fiddling around with her phone. Did she text someone and tell them what happened? Or did she simply keep it a secret to herself? Her gut twisted in her stomache, phone flipped open and she started up a message to the first person her fingers could type in. Then she stopped, half way through the message. She couldn't. A lump had risen in her throat, making it almost impossible. Kanaya would do something about it, she'd call the cops and everything would go to hell for her. Terezi would make some kind of joke about it, then get lost in the reality of it and not know what to do. Karkat would simply make it worse from the get-go. He'd find Gamzee and beat the living shit out of him, then yell at her for staying the night. What about her mom? Could she tell her? No, because she'd do the same thing as Kanaya, and things would get awkward. Tavros's mother would be called and the cops would be involved. She didn't want to get her friends in trouble.

Feferi collapsed to the ground, phone clenched tightly in her hands, the coldness of it resting against her forehead as tears wrenched themselves from deep inside her. What could she do? Where could she go? Who could she talk to? In a world so big, she suddenly felt so small and alone. Insecure.

_Smile. That face looks best on you._

Feferi sniffled, looking at her phone. Karkat had said those words when he was in the hospital. He'd told her to smile, because it looked better than her always crying. Wasn't that the reason she'd become so bubbly and high-spirited? Because of him? So what would he say if he found out she was crying again? "C'mon Fef, man up a little." She told herself, pushing the tears off her face and getting back on her feet. She wouldn't let this get her down. She'd find a way to make things better.

In this town, her house was separated by a set of train tracks that carried goods from across the country. It seemed trains were still useful even in this day and age. She could see one coming from a mile away. She couldn't walk fast enough to beat it, so simply let it win. A thought passed through her head. She could solve everything if she just kept walking. It'd be quick and painless too. The train would just take her away, and the driver would know nothing. Just don't think about it, and she'd never notice. Slowly, she lifted one foot, taking slow, hesitant steps towards her freedom, the thing that would end everything. She was so close. If she reached out, could she touch it? Feel it?

"Fef?" A hand was on her, pulling her back into safety. Feferi blinked hard, turning to look at who wrenched her from the sweet freedom that was the afterlife. Her sister. But how? Why was she here? "What are you doing?" Lizzy's voice shook, afraid of what her sister would say.

Feferi stared wide eyed for a moment, then looked between her sister and the train, unable to say anything until the train had passed. Then she started to giggle nervously. "Oh my god. I must've fallen asleep or something." She ran a hand over her hair, which was still tied up. "Oh thank God you were here." Feferi wrapped her arms around her younger sister.

"I thought you were going to kill yourself." Her sister said, before pushing her away. "What were you thinking? Life's not that bad sis, and that's coming from the younger one."

"I know, I know." She laughed, smiling at her as she turned and started for their house. "What are you doing over here anyways?"

"Mum wanted me to go and get some groceries." She held up the white plastic bag she was carrying. Looks like she really did mean some. "She ran out of the ingrediants she needed to make your favourite."

Feferi's eyes turned to the sky. What did she love more than anything in the world? "Peanut brittle?" She asked, her sister shook her head. No, she was right. Feferi just liked to suck on that stuff when she didn't feel like chewing anything. "Fudge browinies." A smile crept across her face as she lost herself in the thought of them.

"Bingo. And now you're going to eat all of them and become fat. I can see it."

"Oh screw off. I am not!" Feferi shoved her sister teasingly.

"Sure, whatever you say."

* * *

><p>Nothing could erase the mental pain that tore inside of her. Not even her favourite treat. Feferi sighed, sinking lower into her bath. What could she do to erase the pain? She'd tried knocking herself off, but her sister came to her rescue. In a way, she was glad she hadn't done it. That was something her sister didn't need vivid memories of, and it was in no way her burden to bear. Feferi's fingers drummed agains the side of the tub. Maybe that was it.<p>

Her eyes opened, and she let out a puff of air, causing bubbles to rise to the surface quickly. It was a quick sting, she knew what it felt like to cut herself. She'd done it many times on accident before. Cutting up vegetables for her mom, shaving, the usual. It was so innocent, but it really centered you. Made you remember just how human you were. Feferi reached out for the razor sitting on the edge of the tub. She turned it around in her hand a couple of times before chewing on the safer end of the weapon. If she cut her wrists, Karkat would notice. That was her main concern. Keeping this away from Karkat. Making sure he didn't find out.

Ankles? No, she was sure someone would notice. Either during gym, or on a random outing. She was known for wearing sandles more often than socks with shoes, which meant it would be rare when they were covered up. What about her hips? No one would see them, and they were easily accessed for moments of grief. But her pants would rub against it, and they'd eventually get really sore. She was beginning to run out of places.

Her chest. It was perfect. No one would see, and no one would think otherwise if she scratched at the scars. Plus, nothing rubbed against there. Or often enough she assumed. Feferi pulled the razor from her mouth, studying it for a moment. Why did she always think things through? Because she was afraid of hurting someone else, of dragging them down this long steep hill with her. With one quick motion, she broke the top of the blade off, then got to work securing herself one blade. The first one made her wince, but she needed reasons for each one.

Getting Karkat involved. One. Getting Karkat hurt. Two. Getting herself involved. Three. Horrible nights, four. Almost getting her sister involved, five. Lying to everyone, six. Breaking down, seven. Eventually she just stopped counting, deciding to quit when the soapy water begain to burn at the wounds. Freedom in the form of blood. It wasn't such a heafty price to pay now was it?

* * *

><p>School got awkward. She would hesitate at her locker if Karkat wasn't around, and even when he was, she knew Gamzee was staring her down. It made her skin crawl and the wounds she'd inflicted burn. Why was she so afraid to tell anyone. There were so many times where she'd mustered up the courage, so ready to tell her friends what had happened, only to open her mouth and lose every ounce of that courage. No one seemed to catch on though. It made her happy knowing she could hide something from her friends. Save them from such horrible pain. That was enough to keep her smiling even though the darker times.<p>

Feferi started having nightmares, replaying the night in her dreams, each one getting worse, more inaccurate, more vivid. She'd wake up, throwing a hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming and waking up her family. She couldn't let them know. _Wouldn't_ let them know. This wasn't their battle to fight. But everytime she had another dream, she'd feel compelled to cut herself more. The wounds on her chest became so painful over time. Sometimes it hurt even to breathe, and she'd have to feign a fake smile to keep people from asking.

Summer vacation was approaching quickly. Feferi was super excited about it. It meant she could be away from Gamzee for an entire two months, and not have to worry about anything. She could fill her mind with good thoughts and be free of all her troubles.

"Hey. Earth to fucktard." Karkat said, waving a hand infront of Feferi's face before snapping his fingers a couple times. Feferi blinked, coming back to the lunch room, head rising out of her hands. "Damn you were in good. What happened? Meet Prince Charming himself?"

"No. I was just thinking about summer vacation. Why, did you? I'd like to meet him if you did. Don't keep him all to yourself." Feferi joked.

"Do I look fucking gay to you?" Karkat asked, and all three girls looked at him with a look that said 'are you seriously asking us that?'

"Do you want an honest answer, or do you want a friendly answer?" Terezi asked, staring off at the wall just past his head.

"I want the fucking real answer." Karkat shot. "I'm not fucking gay, what makes you think I am?"

"The first step is denial. The second is acceptance." Kanaya said, making everyone but Karkat burst out laughing. "Honestly though, you hang out with a bunch of girls and as far as I'm concerned, you have yet to hit on anyone."

"Like hell I'd hit on any of you losers. C'mon, one's blind,"

"Hey!"

"One's always got her nose in a book,"

"Sorry for enjoying good literature."

"And one's...well one's Fef, I don't really have a good one for her."

"Well, its nice to know that being bubbly and energetic isn't a stain in your book." Feferi wiggled her brows at Karkat, making Kanaya giggle.

"What? Seriously guys, I can't see. This isn't funny."

"Take the blind fold off." That'd turned into a running joke in the group, but Kanaya seemed to be the only one who could pull it off in the perfect situations.

"Oh har har. Very funny. Oh, shit. You're right, thank you. I see a whole lot of _dick, fuck all._" Terezi rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair.

"Back to the point at hand." Karkat said. "We were talking about my birthday. Since that seems to fucking important to everyone. They wanna have it at the beach, since it'll be hot outside, and no one wants to pay to get into the pool."

"Plus, they pee in the pool."

"And no one pee's in the lake? C'mon, Terezi, think outside the box a little." Karkat wrinkled his nose at her.

"Just saying. Ones giant, the other not so much."

"So, you in?" Karkat directed his attention at Feferi, completely ignoring Terezi who was going off on a tangent now.

Feferi mulled it over for a moment. There was no way her scars would be gone in a month. His birthday was the beginning of July. It was impossible. But, she could always wear a tank top that covered up the marks. Then no one would think any differently. At least, she hoped as much. "Sure, why not. Sounds like fun." She'd figure something out after school.

"Cool. Don't invite anyone." It was a warning. Karkat hated Gamzee, and Tavros just ended up muddled into that catagory on basis that the two were dating. He'd figured it out. Everyone had, but nothing seemed to change.

"I won't, I promise." That was all she could do. Promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Your welcome.**

Feferi layed on her bed, one knee up while her other leg rested over top of it. She had her headphones in, slowly tapping her foot in the air to the rythm of the music. What was she going to do? What could she wear? Well, they were going to the beach, which meant that she needed to think more along the lines of 'what to bring?' A slow breath escaped through her nose. Sunscreen, a beach towel, maybe something to snack on, along with some water, sunglasses. It tended to get bright when she was lying on her back getting a tan. Feferi's fingers slowly traced along her scars. She'd fought off the cutting for a while, hoping they would heal up in time for Karkat's birthday. They still felt rough, and it was only a week until his birthday. She knew they wouldn't heal in time. Maybe she could blame it on something? Feferi had no pets, so she couldn't blame it on the animals, and a scuffle with her sister wouldn't produce such scars. She'd cover them up with make-up, but they'd wash off when she entered the water.

"Okay, let's go look around." She told herself, grunting as she rolled herself out of bed. She dropped off it onto her knees, then pushed up and walked to her dresser. Maybe she had a baithing suit that would cover it up. Worse came to worse she supposed a shirt would do just as well. Feferi sifted through her drawer, pushing clothes around as she searched for better swim wear. She had a tube top one, which she quickly snatched up and walked to the mirror with. It was black with red trip on the top and bottom. She held it up to herself, holding her hand over the scars. It'd cover it up, but she was fixing it. There was no way it would stay up without some straps on it. "Well, that was easier than I expected." She beamed, running around her room looking for something she could cut the straps off of.

Her mom had a little sewing kit, which she retrieved, putting all her materials down on the table. She'd found an old spagetti strap dress she could no longer fit into. It would work perfectly.

"What on earth are you doing?" Her mother chuckled, walking in from the living room after hearing her run up and down the stairs a couple times.

"Fixing. a bathing suit." Her mother cocked a brow at her, eyeing her materials. "I really want to wear this one to Karkat's birthday, since we're going to the beach, but I don't think it'll stay on without straps so..." She smiled, holding up the old dress. "I'm just cutting the straps off."

"Alright. Alright. If you need any help, I'm just watching some T.V." Her mother told her, pointing to the living room before disappearing.

Feferi was by no means, good at sewing. She spent a good hour trying to get the straps to stay on how she wanted them to, so they would tie around her neck. Trying to get them to be their own individual strap proved harder than she'd thought. They kept falling off, the stitching obviously no good. But she wouldn't cave. She wouldn't call her mother, because she knew she could do this on her own. She was her own kind of determined. Stubborn down to the last cell in her body. When it was done, she held it up and examined it, pulling a little at the straps to make sure they stayed before running into the living room to show her mom.

"Look mom look!" She held it up, covering her face even though she was bearing a shit eating grin.

"Wow. Looks pretty good. Looks like you nicked your fingers a couple times while you were at it." Feferi lowered the top, looking down at her fingers. There were little marks all over them where the needle had burst through the fabric and caught her delicate skin. She shrugged at them. She'd only whispered curse words to herself every time she'd caught it.

"Think they'll stay on?" She asked, handing the top to her mom.

Her mom studied the seams for a moment, turning it over in her hands a couple times. "At least for the day I'd say. They look sturdy enough." Her mom smiled up at her, returning her make-shift top. "I'd say you did a good job. You should be proud. When is Karkat's birthday?"

"I am. And its July second. So a week still." Feferi turned, skipping off to grab the bottoms that matched the top so she could pack everything up.

"Alright. Don't forget sunscreen."

"I wont mom."

* * *

><p>A week went by so quickly for her, but then it was Karkat's birthday. Like promised, she'd bought him a barbie doll, but also found a nice shirt to make up for the little gag-gift she'd bought him. Nothing else seemed to fit him really. He was always so...bitchy to say the least. Maybe she should've gotten him a dog? Feferi was dropped off first at the beach, deciding to get changed first before she set up a spot on the beach. It wasn't quite as crowded as she expected, but crowded none the less. She spent a good ten minutes smoothing out the sand where she wanted to lay her blanket down. The last thing she wanted was sand all over it, though she knew it was most likely going to happen anyways. Feferi plopped down on her blanket, face to the sky as she slowly started burring her feet in the sand. The top layer was warm, but it quickly got cold as she went deeper down.<p>

"Wow. Didn't expect you here so early." Kanaya said, leaning over Feferi to block out the sun. "When did you get here?"

"Uhm...just long enough to get changed and set up my blanket? So like...half an hour I guess." She shrugged, it really hadn't been that long.

"Did you at least put sunscreen on? You look like a lobster." Feferi's expression dropped into a glare as she leaned around Kanaya. Terezi.

"You can't see. How would you know."

"I know what lobster smells like. Its amazing really." She licked her lips at Feferi before laughing. "I'm kidding. But seriously, did you put sunscreen on?"

"No. But I will." Feferi turned to her bag, pulling out a bottle of sunscreen. Her mother had given her the strongest stuff they had. She really didn't know why. She rarely burned, if ever. "Is Karkat here yet?" She asked, smoothing the creamy substance along her arms.

"No. He said he had to grab something before he came over. I'd assume he'd be here in the next ten minutes at most." Kanaya said, flipping out her blanket, causing some sand to roll onto Feferi's blanket. Great. Wonderful. Sand.

"Hopefully its cake. I love cake." Terezi's smile was almost demonic at the thought of the cake. Feferi never realized how much she seemed to like cake.

"Oh. Alright." Feferi shrugged, putting her bottle of sunscreen away.

"Man. You smell." Terezi said, wrinkling her nose. "What did you put on?"

"Sunscreen, Terezi. You do know what that is right?"

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot."

* * *

><p>Karkat showed up with cake, making Terezi lose her shit. Feferi was sure she'd eat it all before anyone else got a piece, but she hadn't. She'd had more than her fair share though, which just made Karkat laugh. How did she manage to be so thin, when she ate like a savage?<p>

"Well I'm hitting the water." Kanaya said, jumping up and running to its edge.

"Do you think anyone's peed in it?" Terezi called after her.

"Dude. I highly doubt anyone's fucking peed in the damn water. Why is that your only fear?" Karkat snarled.

"Well you can't be sure. Tell me if anyone's peed in it."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "I'm joining her. Wanna play with the beach ball?" He held up a deflated one as he waved to Kanaya.

"Duh."

"Well you didn't have to say it like that." Karkat started to blow up the ball as he walked to meet up with Kanaya.

"Not going in?" Terezi asked, sprawled out on her blanket.

"I'm going." Feferi jumped to her feet, running down to splash into the water before screaming and running back out. Karkat laughed. "It's cold! Don't laugh at me."

"It's not cold. Its fuckin wonderful. C'mon or I'm going to pull you in here."

"Only if you can catch me. I'm not going in the water!" Karkat gave Feferi a look that said he was dead set on catch her and throwing her into the water. Feferi just gave him a terrified look before she book it. Karkat was hot on her heels though.

"Oh joy. Here we go." Terezi murmured. "Don't come anywhere near me. I don't need sand kicked up onto my face!"

Feferi squealed, running through crowds of people as she weaved her way out of Karkat's reach. Karkat was determined to catch her though, and wasn't about to let up until he caught her. "Feferi seriously get your ass back here!"

"You gotta catch me!" She was beginning to pant, and swerved just in time to miss his outstreched fingers. "Yes!" she squealed, then slipped in the sand and fell to the ground. Karkat was on top of her in a matter of seconds.

"You know what this means." He grinned down at her, pinning her hands so she wasn't able to move. And for a split second, that horrible night flashed before her, making her expression drop. "What's wrong?" Karkat asked, but Feferi shook it off.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Wait, oh shit. Don't throw me in!" She squealed as Karkat threw her over his shoulder.

"Nope. Don't think so. You are getting in that water no matter what I have to do." He made his way quickly to the water, wading in just far enough so Feferi's toes were touching the surface. "Ready?"

"No."

"Too late." He jumped a little, tossing her off his shoulder. She hit the water with a loud splash, just managing to catch her breath before she went under. Then she was up on the surface again, teeth chattering as she gasped for breath.

"I hate you." She said between her chattering teeth. She had her arms wrapped around herself, which evidently pushed her chest up a little.

Karkat stopped, his face twisting into something angry. "Fef, what-" He paused, hand reaching out slightly, before he realized what he was doing.

"What?" Feferi asked, before following his eyes. Shit! Her scars. "Oh uh..."

"What's going on Fef. I knew something was wrong." He didn't even care anymore, just pulled her top down a little so the scars were visible. "Look at this! You can't tell me nothings wrong." His voice raised slightly. "Something's wrong Fef."

"It-its nothing okay. I don't want to talk about it right now Karkat." She pushing her top back up, eyes lowered. "I just...wanna have a good day okay? Just don't ask about it right now okay?"

"Was it Gamzee? Is he the reason you're doing this? For fuck sakes. I'm gonna beat the shit out of that kid the next time I s-"

"Karkat, I said stop!" Feferi screamed, causing her two friends to look over in her direction. "Stop. Please." Her voice was softer.

Karkat looked around, grinding his teeth. "Tomorrow. You're coming over tomorrow and telling me what's going on. And if you don't, you can damn well bet I'm going to be coming to your house. No exceptions." Feferi's heart dropped. This was the last thing she'd wanted to happen. The last.


	8. Chapter 8

**Alright, so here's an update for you guys! We will see how long this takes to update from now on...if my beta ever responds...if not then I guess I'll just post this as...is LOL :3 **

**Enjoy**

Feferi eventually returned to the beach. Terezi had decided to jump into the water, seeing that it was most likely free of any sort of urination. Feferi just wanted to sleep really. Swimming, along with getting mad at Karkat had worn her out. But the moment she layed down and closed her eyes to continue tanning, all she could think about was how to weasle her way out of telling the truth. What could she say? She got in a bit of a scuffle with her sister, and these were the last to heal? She'd run through a throng of bushes and got scraped up? Her brows furrowed. Nothing seemed ligit enough. Nothing seemed to ding in her head as being the right thing to say. But she didn't want to tell him the truth. Maybe part of it would work.

Feferi heard the scuffling of feet beside her, then someone grunt as they layed down. Slowly, she opened her eyes against the sunlight and turned towards the source of the noise. It was Karkat, sitting on Kanaya's blanket, staring out towards the water. Did he think he could sucker it out of her right now? He'd said tomorrow, and it was very apperant the sun had not fallen and risen back up in the sky yet. "What's up?" She asked, hoping that was a broad enough topic to keep him from asking about her.

Karkat shrugged. "Just...thinking." He said the words slowly, pronouncing each syllable in the words. "Thinking about where exactly you slipped. Why I wasn't there to catch you." Feferi gave Karkat a worried look. He was actually concerned about her? And here she was making up excuses for the cuts.

"What?" Feferi breathed, taken back by this.

"The c-marks." Karkat said, stopping before he said 'cuts'. No one else needed to know. "I was just thinking, what did I do wrong, that you would harm yourself like that? Or is it even my fault?" Karkat snarled at himself, turning his head away as he chewed on a nail. There was a pause before he turned to look at her. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you. I didn't...mean for it to come out like that."

Feferi looked down at herself, then out towards the water, watching her two friends throw the beach ball back and forth between eachother. "It's okay." Feferi shrugged. "And its not you. I promise...I just...I'm not sure how to explain it. I'm not sure if I want to either. But you scared me. I was afraid I'd be forced to tell when I wasn't ready to." Feferi sat up, hugging her knees.

"Then, is there something I can do to help? You may not realize it, but cutting doesn't just hurt you. It hurts the people around you too, and I'd really like if you...stopped." Karkat's voice sounding like it was fighting back tears, but when Feferi looked, his face showed no signs of breaking. "Please?"

Feferi's eyes turned to her feet. Was there a way he could help? Or was it simply something she needed to fight on her own? She was still coming to terms with it. Still taking in all the events that happened. Feferi chewed the thought over for a moment, before answering him. "Don't ever leave me. Always be there for me, okay?"

"I'd never leave you, Fef." Karkat started.

"I mean it! I don't know what I'd do if all my friends left me, and right now I need someone around who I know is strong and able to protect me. I just want someone to be my knight in shining armor." Feferi's arms tightened around her knees, head curling down as she bit her lip. She wouldn't cry, but at the same time, she knew Karkat couldn't always protect her. She'd already proven this once. But the thought was what counted. The thought that no matter what, he'd be there to make things better, to protect her from all the bad things in life.

"Okay. I promise." Karkat was a little confused, but he decided questioning her would get him no where, so simply went along with what she said. "But you're still coming over tomorrow, okay? I wont ask any questions though, so don't worry yourself about it okay?"

"Alright."

* * *

><p>Feferi made sure to wear something that covered up the scars. She even wore pants that day, too worked up to wear anything that looked nice. She had no idea what Karkat was up to, so decided to bring nothing along with her. For all she knew, none of it would be used. Now she stood in front of his door, hands clenched at her side as she fought to knock on the door. She was finding it so hard. Part of her wanted to turn and run away before anyone really noticed her, while the other part took warning to Karkat's words and wanted to get it all done and over with. Her teeth ground into her bottom lip, eyes looking everywhere but the front door. She was about to turn away when the door cracked open and Karkat emerged.<p>

"I was wondering how long you'd stand there. C'mon, its not that awkward." His smile was sincere as he moved out of the way to let her in. "Come on in. I was just getting some snacks together."

Feferi nodded, unable to make any words form. Wait, snacks? So he wasn't playing his video games? Feferi looked over the ledge that separated the living room from the entrance as she took off her shoes, surveying it for something that said he'd been doing that two seconds earlier. All she found was the coffee table full of crackers, chips, cheese and meat. Basically finger food. "What did you have planned?" Feferi asked, kicking her shoes out of the way, searching for where Karkat went.

"Well, you looked a little upset, so I thought we could play some board games, watch a movie or two. You know, a relaxing day?" Karkat popped his head around the corner of the kitchen, looking down the hallway at her. His room was closest to the kitchen, furthest from the living room on the left hand side. His mothers was on the other side of the kitchen.

"Oh. Cool. What kind of board games?" Feferi asked, sitting down at the table. This was starting to look up. Nothing too weird.

"Well, your in good clothes for twister." He said, pointing towards her jeans. "Haven't played that one since I was like...eight though, so I might have to search for it. I have Life, War...uhm...Candyland...I know I have more, so we can tell when they were pulled out last." His head tilted from side to side as he thought, lifting the tray of sliced vegetables he'd made before turning towards the living room. Feferi rolled her eyes at the thought of having to get up again, but she followed regardless.

Feferi plopped herself down on the biggest couch with a running jump before reaching for a celery stick. "Twister sounds fun. I loved that game as a kid. It has all the fun colours on it, and you totally get into weird positions on it." For once, a real smile lined her lips. It felt foriegn. Very weird.

"Really? You want me to go and fish out the game I haven't played in years? Fine, but you're helping me." Karkat shrugged, turning to go and find the game.

"What? That's no fair! Don't offer it if your going to make me look for it." Feferi complained. Karkat rolled his eyes, then waved for her to remain sitting and snacking.

* * *

><p>Twister, was harder than she remembered. Some how she had to get her left leg around Karkat to find a green circle, but at the same time she had the feeling she'd fall over if she moved. "I can't do this! I'm gonna fall over!" Feferi's voice was strained as she concentrated on keeping herself up. She was over Karkat backwards, which made everything difficult for her. Karkat laughed, making her scream as she fell over.<p>

"Whoops. Sorry. I didn't think you'd fall over." He chuckled, letting himself fall down. "Does that mean I win?"

"No! You're the reason I fell over in the first place!" Feferi was laughing now, but she kept a face that said she was very un-impressed by that move.

"Alright, I'll give it to you then. How about another game? I have a feeling if we play this one anymore, we'll end up very, very sore." Karkat started working at his arms, trying to stretch them out a little more as he got to his feet, looking at the few he'd grabed. He's only bothered with the ones he'd named. Grabbing the rest seemed tedious.

"Naw. How about a movie? What you got?" Feferi asked, crawling over to look at the pile of movies he'd carefully selected. "Romance, romance, rom-are all of these romance?" Feferi asked, looking up from the pile she was skimming through.

"No. Just the first few. I didn't know if you'd want to watch something like that." Karkat rubbed at the back of his neck a little embarassed.

"No. Not really. Uhm..." Feferi twisted her face, turning back to the movies. He had some anime, and kids movies in there. But she felt like watching something that would keep her on the edge of her seat. "Got anything...scary?" She asked, looking up.

"Uhm...define scary?" He turned towards the collection of movies his family had collected. "We have Silent Hill...and Saw...and Hostel? The Messenger, but I don't really think that's scary." Karkat let out a puff of air as he looked at the movies.

"Saw. Definatly Saw. I want something with blood and gore."

"Hostel would be better then. Have you seen that one?" Karkat pulled out both the Saw and Hostel movies. Feferi shook her head, making Karkat put the saw one back. "Hostel it is."

"Am I going to get sick?"

"Most definatly." The smile on Karkat's face was sinister.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm having fun. And this vacation is wonderful.**

**Also, sorry for taking so long. The system thought it would be funny to not send things xD mind you I got a lot of anime watched *coughmainlyKuroshitsujicough***

**Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>By the middle of the movie, Feferi had managed to wiggle from one end of the couch to the other so she was hanging onto Karkat's arm. It was a little funny. Feferi's eyes grew wide as she witnessed the spectacle on screen, letting out a little scream and burying her face into Karkat's shoulder. "This isn't scary, this is horrible!" Her voice was shaking, but high pitched as she talked. Karkat laughed.<p>

"Oh It's scary, you know it is." Karkat mumbled, chewing on his thumb nail. Feferi just glared up at him. But despite everything, it was nice. Being able to relax, not having to worry about anything. She could depend on Karkat for that, trust him with her entire knew he'd never do anything to make her upset. Here he was, playing games and watching terrible movies with her, and was he asking anything of her? Nope. Nothing.

"Hey, Karkat?" Feferi asked, head still nestled in his shoulder. Her eyes were still fixed on the t.v., flashing images of the movie.

"Hmm?" She could feel the air vibrating in his chest as he hummed the one word.

Feferi remained quiet for a moment. She felt Karkat shift a little under her, meaning he'd moved to get a better look at her. "How do you know if you like someone?" Her question caught him by surprise, and it was quiet for a while before the movie was paused and he got her to sit up.

"What do you mean? Do you like someone? Please tell me that's not why...why you marked yourself." Karkat stumbled over the last part of his sentence, trying to find words to soften the blow, the reality of it.

"I don't know...and no, that's not why I made the decorations." Feferi gave him a sly smile. She was proud of the word she'd chosen to describe what she'd done. "I'm just...curious let's say." Her eyes turned to look at the frozen frame on the television screen. Just someone's face, but they looked confused and hurt. Was that what was going on inside of her at the moment? Did she feel confused and hurt?

"Well..." Karkat huffed, folding his arms over his chest as he mulled it over. "I've always imagined it as knowing the person very well, but not being afraid to tease them. Just as they too would tease you. In a nice way of course, nothing that would hurt their feelings. Now, the relationship would never be perfect. You'd fight every so often, have your disagreements. In the end though, you'd never imagine being apart from them. You'd always want to be near them, around them." Karkat tilted his head from side to side then shrugged. "You'd never intentionally hurt them."

"Do you like me, Karkat?" Feferi refused to look at him with that qustion, heart skipping a beat as the words slipped from her mouth.

"Yeah. I like you. You're a wonderful person."

"No, I mean...do you like me?" Now Feferi looked at him. His mouth was agape, eyes widened slightly. Then he looked away.

Karkat chewed at his lip, thinking it through for a moment. "Yeah. I do." His voice was solemn. "Why...do, do you...?" His voice trailed off, face lighting up in emberassment.

Feferi smiled, feeling warm and tingly inside. So someone really did love her? Someone loved her with real feelings, not fake ones. "Yeah. That'd be nice."

"Alright. Then we're a thing now." Karkat smiled, face beginning to calm down now that he realized he wasn't making a fool of himself.

Feferi nodded, eyes dropping, smile fading. So if she loved someone, she wouldn't do things that would hurt them, and if someone loved her, they would do just the same. Which meant Gamzee didn't love her. Gamzee just wanted to hurt her. And what was she doing now? Looking for someone who showed even the slightest sign of affection? The slightest sign that they may be even remotely interested in her? Scavenging the grounds for any left over feeling she could pick off someone. Feferi squinted, hands clenched into fists as she attempted to keep the tears from pouring out. It didn't work. Soon her hands were at her eyes, shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. And Karkat was right there beside her, one hand on her shoulder, the other rubbing at her back as he tried to provide some solace.

"What's wrong Fef? You know you can tell me." His voice was low. He stopped rubbing at her back, deciding to embrace her in a half hug while he rubbed the arm closest to him. "Did I do something? Was it something I said?"

Fef stopped for a moment, sniffling as she looked up. Finally, she shook her head. "No. You didn't do anything." She said weakly, rubbing at her eyes. "Karkat...if I told you something...you'd promise never to tell anyone right? And you'd mean it?" Her heart was so tight in her chest. So painful. She was putting everything on the line for him at the moment, and it scared her. Scared her worse than the crap horrors she put up with for Karkat.

"Yeah. You know I would." Karkat's voice echoed a little worry, but Feferi didn't notice, she was already planning on how to word her next question.

"And you promise not to get mad? Not to tell our friends, or to hurt anyone because of it?"

Karkat took a little longer to respond this time. He saw through it. Someone had done something to hurt her, and she was trying to keep them from getting hurt. Trying to play it off, like dirt off her shoulder. "Yeah. Promise. I said I wouldn't hurt the person I love."

Feferi nodded, swallowing hard before she took a deep breath and exhaled. "Back in May...I had..." Feferi's face contorted into one of worry as she sucked in her bottom lip. The tears were coming back. "I had something happen to me. It was at Tav's birthday party." Karkat's hands tightened on her shoulders. He was holding back some rage. He knew what was coming.

"Was it Tav? What did he do to you?" Karkat said, trying to keep his voice level.

"No. It wasn't. And you have to promise not to get mad." Feferi said, turning to face him, panicked. Karkat nodded, exhaling. "It was Gamzee...he...he..." Feferi's eyes fell. She couldn't say it. That one word she'd attempted to come to terms with. She couldn't get it past her mouth without feeling vile, like she'd uttered the most wretched swear in the history of language.

Karkat swore under his breath. "He raped you? He took advantage of you?" Karkat's voice slowly rose an octave. "Fef, I don't know if I can keep from punching that asshole where it counts. He fucking took advantage of you, and you want me to keep from getting mad? Is that why you're cutting?"

"Karkat, you promised not to get mad." Tears again. She was getting tired of her weakened emotions. "I just don't like seeing people get hurt. And yes, it's part of the reason why I started, okay? But please, if you hurt him, just don't do it infront of me, and don't let me find out. That's all I'm asking." Feferi's voice withered to a whisper as she held onto his hands, pleading for him to understand.

"Alright, but if he even looks at you funny, I'm knocking him the fuck out."

"And you wont tell anyone?"

Karkat remained silent, brows meshed before he nodded. "Promise."

He was lying.


	10. Chapter 10

**Alright, more fanfiction for you guys. Enjoy.**

**Also, feel free to find my Fanfiction based Tumblr account at landofemptybuckets(.)tumblr(.)com**

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><p>Summer Vacation came to an end, which meant the ninth grade had crawled around. Feferi was more than a little excited, to no surprise. Finally, she was one step closer to High School. In ten months time, she would be on summer vacation again. In ten months time, she'd be getting ready for the moment when she stepped in with the High Schoolers, knowing she was one of them. She was part of the coolest kids in the city. "Fef?" Kanaya's voice rang through the halls. It sounded different, but she didn't care to find out why.<p>

"Kanaya!" She sang, pushing her arms around her friends neck. Something was off, however. "What's wrong?" She asked, holding Kanaya out at arms level.

Kanaya gave her a once over, then, a smile. The smile faltered slightly, but regained its place upon her lips. "Well, don't we look all grown up. I hear someone has a boyfriend now."

Feferi felt her face get hot as it dropped to stare at the suddenly interesting ground. Slowly, she nodded. "How did you know?" Her head rose a little.

"Let's just say, a little bird told me."

"And what was this little birds name?" Feferi felt like she needed to have roasted bird for dinner tonight. She wanted to be the one to tell Kanaya.

"Nope. I wont tell."

"Just like she wont say she saw it, huh?" The look on Kanaya's face gave it all away. "Freakin Terezi." That was the closest she'd ever get to swearing. She'd made an oath never to say it again.

"Shh. That's no bird, that's an eagle."

"Damn straight I am. Wait, we're talking about me right?" Terezi's raspy voice hadn't changed in the slightest. She was standing behind Feferi, making her wheel around. The eagle was standing beside someone she'd never seen before. Feferi pointed at the boy with a curious expression. "This is my cousin Ryuu. Enjoy the luxury that is my hot, geeky cousin." Terezi cackled.

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult." Ryuu sounded bored, unamused by his cousin's teasing.

"I'd assume a compliment. Terezi's actually nicer than she sounds. Her bark is worse than her bite, lets say." Feferi beamed. "My names Feferi, its nice to meet you, Ryuu."

"Same. And you?"

"Kanaya. Welcome. Are you staying here? Or just visiting?"

"Nope. I just moved here. We're still unpacking, but Terezi insisted I come on the first day of school. I guess it doesn't hurt, I'd just like to be unpacked before Halloween." Ryuu sighed, putting his hands on his hips.

"Oh? Just because it's Halloween? Or is there something special about that?" Feferi asked. She happened to like Halloween.

"It's my birthday." Ryuu beamed. "Coolest birthday in the world, huh?"

"Yes! Oh my gosh I would kill to have your birthday!" Feferi squealed. "Oh! Speaking of birthdays, what are we doing for yours Kanaya? Its not every day that you turn 15, you know."

"Oh god, don't remind me." Kanaya sighed. "Uhm...I guess we can do pizza and a movie at my house. How does that sound? You can come too Ryuu, if you want. It'll be fairly small. Me, Terezi, Feferi, and Karkat. You'll be meeting him soon, I'm sure."

"I don't see why not. I like parties."

"Good, it's on the 16th." Feferi beamed. "Now, let's go find out what class we're in!"

"9-C." Karkat said. "With Kanaya. Terezi , you're in 9-B. Sadly, I'm all by myself in 9-A. Damn." Karkat sighed before noticing Ryuu. "Who's this douchebag?"

"I'm Ryuu, Terezi's cousin." Ryuu held out a hand. Karkat looked at it for a moment before shaking it. "I'm going to go look at the board and see what class I'm in. I'll be right back." Ryuu ran off. Maybe he could sense that the group needed some alone time?

"When did he show up?" Karkat asked when he was sure Ryuu couldn't hear them. Not that he could, the hallway was crowded with too many juvenile shits scouting out classes.

"Today. He just moved here." Terezi beamed. "I convinced him to come today so he could come meet everyone. Amazing isn't it?"

"So you mean he hasn't even unpacked. Jesus you're a horrible cousin."

"Speaking of horrible cousins, you told Terezi that we were going out, and she told Kanaya. I wanted to tell Kanaya!" Feferi pouted at Karkat.

"I'm not your cousin, but okay. Sorry. I felt like telling Ter. Is that bad?" Karkat folded his arms.

"No. I just wanted to tell Kanaya." Feferi's shoulders slumped.

"Then why didn't you text her like I did?" Terezi giggled, leaving Feferi with nothing to say. She hadn't thought about that. "I'm teasing. Sorry, I'll make sure to leave Kanaya out of the loop if it pertains to you. That way you can inform her, alright?"

"Sounds like a plan. Thanks." Feferi smiled at Terezi before looking back to Karkat. He had a hard look on his face, like he was attempting to keep from doing something he'd regret. "What's up?" Feferi asked as she turned to look. Gamzee, was up. High up, as he usually was. "Don't, Karkat."

"What?" Terezi asked. Kanaya only stood with a look that read 'awkward.' "Oh. Alright. Awkward silence, I get it. I didn't think you'd smell that one so quick." Everyone gave Terezi a confused look, not even bothering to say anything. She'd get it. "Oh shoot. It wasn't the fart was it? Okay, just ignore me please."

"Done." Everyone said, just as Ryuu came up saying the exact same word. Feferi burst into laughter, infecting Kanaya with the laughter too, albeit hers was of a more silky texture to the ears.

"Did I do something?" Ryuu sounded confused and slightly afraid.

"Nope. It was just odd that you said 'done' when we did." Feferi elaborated. "Don't sweat it."

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><p>Karkat stood outside the doors to his math class. Gamzee was in that class. He was just itching to punch the kid out, but everytime he caught sight of Gamzee, his chance to take him out was lost. Feferi would happen to walk by with Kanaya at the same moment. It was almost like they were attempting to keep him from hurting the prick. Karkat figured it might take all year before he had a good chance to take the kid out<p>

And boy, was he right.


	11. Chapter 11

**MOAR CHAPTARZ**

**Yeah, I'm bored. Time to delve a little more into the plot. WHEEEE**

**Also, sorry for such a late update :/**

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><p>Feferi took her time walking home that afternoon. The leaves were swaying in the breeze, so dangerously close to falling from their place amongst the branches. Fall was fast approaching, which meant many things. Birthdays, making some changes, realizing all the fun things that happened at the end of the year, only to realize a new one was beginning. It wasn't like Feferi was afraid to go home, or that she wanted to spend more time in the crisp air, but more like she was thinking, which made her feet walk slower than normal.<p>

Her small group was growing now. Every year someone new was added to the group, and every year it got a little bit more complicated. Sixth grade, the group grew from three to four, with her as the new addition. By seventh grade she'd added Gamzee, eighth Tavros. That's when things had started to get complicated. Eight grade, she'd lost the one thing most precious to her. Eight grade she'd complicated the relationships within her closely nit group. Ninth grade Ryuu had joined them. So what now? What else was the to expect with Ninth grade? Feferi sucked in her cheek, chewing slowly on it. Right now, it looked like it went from bad to good. Would it be a pattern? Should she expect something bad to happen?

"Well...mum did always tell me to expect the unexpected." Feferi told herself, raising her eyes from her feet as she turned the corner to her house. That's when she froze. If her mouth hadn't already been open, it would've hit the ground. If she would've been holding anything, it would've been following. Parked in front of her house was a small, beat up red car, so old she swore it was made in the '50s. It belonged to her Dad.

Her Dad was hardly ever around. He had a bit of a drinking problem, and because of that opted to go to rehab for a few years. When he was released, he'd chosen a job that kept him busy, but it also made him quite a bit of money. While Feferi was happy he was home, her stomach also flipped around in her abdomen.

_Do I go home, or do I turn around? Should I go to a friends house? Make up an excuse? Should I call the house and say I'm eating over at a friends? But then I'd have to come home anyways._

Feferi could feel her brows steadily creeping closer to eachother in confusion. She wasn't sure what to do. Slowly, she decided to move forwards. Better to get it done and over with now rather than later.

When she opened the front door, she didn't bother saying hello. Everyone was in the kitchen talking, smiles in their voices. "Feferi!" Her sister called, jumping up from her chair. "Dad's home!" The smile on her face lit up the whole room.

"I noticed." Feferi chuckled. "I saw his car out front." Feferi dropped her stuff on the floor, kicking off her shoes as she walked into the kitchen. "How long are you visiting for Dad?"

"Oh no sweetheart." Her Dad's voice sounded like he was talking to a small child and not a teenager. "I'm moving back in with you guys. We can be one big happy family again! Isn't that lovely?"

Feferi's smile faltered for a split second, just long enough that if you blinked you'd miss it. "Yeah. It's wonderful. I'm so glad to have you home again Dad." Really, she wasn't.

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><p>Her dad had wanted to know so many things. How she was doing, what school was like, who her friends were, if she had a boyfriend. All the normal things he would've known had he been around. Feferi tried answering him without leaving things out, but it started to prove hard, so she'd just filled him in on what was necissary. Eventually he'd run out of questions, allowing Feferi to retire to her room on the basis that she had homework. Fortunatly she had none, which was very rare for her.<p>

Feferi dashed to her bed, kicking her door closed behind her before flopping down on the soft covers. Her phone was out in front of her faster than one could comprehend as she started texting her friends.

_H-Ey, Kar, gu-Ess who d-Ecid-Ed to show up._

Feferi wiggled her feet around in the air impatiently as she waited for him to respond.

_DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M GOING TO KNOW THIS? SERIOUSLY FEF, WHY DO YOU ASK ME SUCH VAUGE QUESTIONS?_

_I was only asking. G-EEz-E you don't n-EEd to b-E so rud-E about it. Anyways, my dad cam-E hom-E. H-E said h-E's staying for good. Do you think that's a bad thing?_

_NO, NOT REALLY. HASN'T HE BEEN AWAY FOR LIKE...OH I DON'T KNOW, EVER? I REALLY DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THIS, YOU HARDLY EVER TALK ABOUT HIM. YOU JUST TOLD ME HE DIDN'T LIVE THERE AND WAS OFF ON BUSINESS STUFF._

_W-Ell, I m-Ean, that wasn't a compl-Et-E li-E you know. H-E was away on a sort of busin-Ess trip, but h-E was also in r-Ehab. B-Ecaus-E h-E is an alcoholic. W-Ell, was anyways. Th-Ey let him out a coupl-E of y-Ears ago and he was off working, but still._

_IT'S UP TO YOU, BUT YOU KNOW IF IT BOTHERS YOU, YOU CAN ALWAYS BUNK HERE. THAT'S WHAT BOYFRIENDS ARE FOR._

_B-Est boyfri-End in th-E world, you know that right?_

_ONLY BECAUSE YOU TELL ME EVERY SINGLE DAY._

Feferi rolled her eyes before telling him she was going to do some homework before having something to eat and going to bed. Karkat only responded with a snarky comment before saying bye. That's why she thought she loved him so much. He wasn't afraid to say whatever he wanted around her. He'd tell her to fuck off and to go suck a cow, which was his favourite line as of late. She really admired that about him. That he was so fearless. Maybe it was just his personality, or his star sign, but she could care less. It was what made him, him.

Feferi tossed her phone onto her night stand, grabbing her _My Little Pony_ stuffie. Terezi had got it for her, claiming the thing reminded her of Feferi. Bright pink hair, smile stitched onto its face. Pinky Pie, that was her name. Was this really how everyone saw Feferi? Was she really this bright and vivid, or was it just an antic disposition that she put on so no one saw the stained surface underneith?

"What do you think?" She asked the plush. It wouldn't respond. It was unable to. "Is it a good thing that dad's here? Am I over reacting?"

That plush probably held the answers to the world, but its mouth was sewn shut and couldn't tell her the answers she was seeking. The answers she needed so desperatly to know.


	12. Chapter 12

"Happy Birthday!" Feferi sang when the front door to Kanaya's house finally opened. She thrust a neatly wrapped present in Kanaya's face before she'd even managed to get a word out.

"You shouldn't have." Kanaya said, an awkward smile on her lips.

"But I did, so now you have to open it." Feferi beamed, walking inside. "Who's all here?" Her voice was still as cheerful as ever as she carefully slipped off her shoes and lined them up with the others. She recognized Karkat's shoes by the door, so obviously he was here.

"Everyone." Kanaya said. "You're the last to arrive." Feferi pouted at this. She hated being last. "Its alright, they got here maybe five minutes before you, so don't fret so much over it. Now come on, lets go." Kanaya nudged Feferi along with her foot.

"Well now I feel a little better. Has the pizza arrived yet? What movie are we watching?" Feferi begain to skip into the living room, seeing everyone sitting around waiting for the party to get started. There were four gifts on the table, each addressed to Kanaya wishing her a happy birthday.

"Not yet." Karkat said, adjusting himself in the armchair so he was no longer slouching. "Kanaya just called it before you knocked."

"I really hate movies." Terezi said. Ryuu gave her a concerned look, not seeing through the ruse she put up. Terezi happened to love movies. Even though she couldn't really see what was going on, she could still hear it, and that made everything so much better.

"She's joking Ryuu." Feferi explained, patting him on the leg before taking a seat on Karkat's lap. "She actually enjoys them, but she also enjoys jokes. The two go hand in hand when its Terezi."

"Oh. You would think I would know that." Ryuu says. "She is my cousin." Ryuu scratched behind his ear, making the emo glasses on his face bounce around slightly. This caught Feferi's attention. Had he been wearing them the first time they'd met.

"When did you start wearing glasses?" Feferi commented. "I don't remember seeing them before."

"Oh, I put contacts in when I go to school. You know, makes me look less geeky." Ryuu explained. "But on weekends I don't really see a need. Especially since I usually wake up late and don't bother to care what I'm wearing. So its easier just to slide them on then to put contacts in. Why, do they bother you?"

Feferi shook her head. "No, I like them. You should wear them to school once in a while."

"Thanks." Ryuu gave her a small smile before running his fingers along the frame of his glasses.

"Alright, movie time." Kanaya chirped skipping over to the stack she'd set up. She quickly flipped through it, wrinkling her nose at some of the selections before she shrugged at one. "Sleepy Hallow it is." She announced, waving it over her shoulder for the others to see before she popped it in. "Kinda old, but its still good."

"Its not that old." Karkat said, shifting a little so he was more comfortable. Feferi leaned back, laying across him now with her legs drapped over the arm of the chair.

"You've seen it?" Feferi inquired, raising her brows at Karkat.

"And you haven't?" Now Karkat was giving her raised brows. Hers quickly lowered, cheeks puffing up as she glared slightly at him. "You remind me of a fish when you do that. Anyways, what haven't I seen before?"

"True. And I do not! I'm a human, I can't look like-"

"Okay, shoosh love birds, no one wants to hear it." Kanaya rolled her eyes just as the doorbell rang. She ran to the door, paying the delivery man before returning with the pizza. "Dig in people."

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><p>Sleepy Hallow proved to be more interesting that Feferi had thought. She ended up sitting with her pizza in hand most of the movie. That is, until Karkat nudged it towards her open mouth, snapping her from her fixation to start eating. After the movie, Terezi suggested some music, and they ended up having a little dancing competition in Kanaya's living room. Karkat had no sense of rythm, but that didn't keep Feferi from swinging him around the room. Terezi laughed when he tripped over the coffee table, hearing his scream of swears before hitting the ground. But then the night was over.<p>

"See you!" Feferi called, waving to Kanaya from the sidewalk. Her dad had promptly shown up at exactly eight-thirty when she assumed the party would be over. Sadly, it wasn't, and he wasn't about to let her stay any later. With a sigh, she turned and hopped into the car.

"How was the party?" He asked, waiting to shift into drive until her seatbelt was on.

"Good, not quite over yet, but that's okay." Feferi shrugged, watching out her window as Kanaya's house slowly drifted by.

"That boy there? What's his name...uh...Cal? Ken? Kevin?"

"Karkat." Feferi's voice was low. She was starting to dislike how her father was butting in like this, but at the same time, she understood. He just wanted to be part of the family again.

"Karkat! Right. Unique name there, isn't it? How long have you known eachother again? A year or two?" Her dad looked away from the road momentarily so he could study his daughters face, but she didn't even bother looking at him.

"Since sixth grade, so three years." She said simply, placing her chin on her hand. "He's really nice too."

Feferi's dad remained quiet a little too long, making her look in his direction. His face had gone hard, brows knitted together as he stared off at the road. She realized he was squeezing the steering wheel a little too hard, his jaw set just a little to rigid. "Sometimes, you shouldn't trust the nice boys Fef. All they want..." Her father shook his head. "Never mind, just be careful okay?"

"He's not trying to get into my pants dad. God. I can't believe that's the first thing you come up with when I say he's nice." Feferi shakes her head, throwing herself dramatically back in her seat as she folds her arms over her chest, eyes returning to the window.

"You never know. Boys can be decieving like that." Feferi looked back at him. He'd relaxed, but something about that sentence made her stomach queazy. What did he mean by that? It didn't sound like he was talking about Karkat anymore...or any of the guys she knew as a matter of fact.

"Okay." She said simply, deciding to drop the thought there. The car slowed, the engine cutting out, and Feferi took this as a sign to get out and go up to her room. She was glad she could get away from her dad for a moment or two.

"How was the party?" Feferi's mom asked, beaming at her when she walked in. Something in the way she smiled seemed faked, forced. Feferi paused for a moment, giving her mom a long, hard stare.

"Good." Feferi said. "Where's Lizzy?"

Another pause that was just a little too long. "She's staying over at a friends house. She didn't tell you before you left?" Feferi shook her head. "Oh. Well, she's sleeping over at a friends house. She said she'd be home around noon tomorrow. Why, do you need to talk to her? I'm sure I have her friends number around here...somewhere." Her mother turned towards the fridge, flipping through a few pieces of papers stuck to the front.

"No, just curious." Feferi said. In reality, she felt a need to talk to her, a compulsion to question her on her parents behaviour, but now that would have to wait. "I'm gonna go to bed now, okay?"

"Alright, sweet dreams sweetie." Her mom smiled again, but this time it was genuine, real. Feferi smiled, nodding in response before she took the stairs two at a time to reach her room. Just being away from them seemed to make the air thin out, become easier to breath.

Slowly, Feferi looked over to her bed, towards the pony she called her friend. "And how was your day today?" She questioned, flopping on her bed and scooping the toy up. She turned it this way and that before putting it down. "Somethings wrong with mum and dad, but Lizzy's over at a friends house, so I can't tell her. Instead, I'll tell you." But she didn't. Instead, she layed on her bed, arms folded beneath her head, and just stared into the dark voids the stuffie called eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

October came quick. Quicker than Feferi would have liked. Her parents refrained from acting weird in front of her again. Why, she would never know. She assumed they'd just gotten in a fight with her sister, but she'd never asked, and no one brought it up. Karkat started to hate school a little more everyday because of who was in his class and the promise he'd made to Feferi. Sometimes she wondered if it would've been better for Gamzee to have been in her class and not Kanaya, but then she knew Karkat would have worried more.

The leaves were turning colour on the branches, slowly swaying in the wind. Feferi tilted her head, eyeing the leaves thoughtfully as she swung her feet out in front of her. She was sitting on a table outside, waiting for her friends so they could have lunch together. Ryuu showed up more and more, actually including himself in group activities. That made Feferi happy. She enjoyed his company. He was witty and humorus, while stubborn and down to earth at the same time. It was an odd quality.

"Wow, you got here fast." Kanaya commented, taking a seat on the bench like seats that surrounded the table. Feferi shrugged.

"I was close to my locker, and didn't have to stop anywhere so..." She raised her eyebrows momentarily, as if to say that was all. There really was nothing more.

"Right. That makes sense." Kanaya nodded, opening up the brown paper bag she carried her lunch in. Instead of pulling the bag down to look into it, she raised herself up off her seat slightly to peer inside, only to wrinkle her nose.

"If you don't like what your mother packs you, then pack yourself something." Feferi commented, seeing her reaction to the food.

"Well I would but-" Kanaya was cut off by the shrill shriek Terezi let out as her cousin grabbed her around the waist and lifted her into the air. She was laughing, which meant it must have been part of the conversation. "And the ontarage follows."

"What was that for?" Feferi asked Karkat as he eagerly moved away from the two. "What's going on?"

"I really don't know. I just happened to be there when she screamed." Karkat dug his finger into his ear, wiggling it around like that would ease the pain. Feferi decided to dismiss it, sliding off the table to take a seat beside her boyfriend. She happened to look up just in time to see something glint off of Ryuu's face.

"What is that?" Feferi asked, squinting at him. "Is that a piercing?" Now she was surprised. Ryuu didn't seem like the type of guy to get something like that.

Ryuu touched his lip peircing tentavely. It still looked red, which must mean he'd gotten it recently. "Yeah. I thought it would help ward off the 'geeky' look I have going on." His eyes darted to the side as he scratched behind his ear, making his glasses bounce up and down on his face. Also something he'd changed since Kanaya's birthday party. He wore his glasses more often.

"Well, I think it looks nice." Kanaya said with a smile. "It suits you, but the glasses don't really help on the 'not-so-geeky' factor."

"I like his glasses." Feferi defended. "I think they give you some sort of spunk. Like...like a goth kid or something? I dunno, I don't really follow the trends and labels like that." Now Feferi looked away. "But I think the two together work. I'm not sure how it would look with just the piercing."

"Well?" Ryuu said, making Feferi look up a little confused. He'd taken off the glasses and now just stared off into space, his version of an attempt for him to not squint.

Feferi concidered it for a moment. Without his glasses, he looked more masculine, which made the piercing seem a little off, but with the glasses, his features softened so it looked better. "With the glasses. They make your cheek bones look softer. I think the softer features make the piercing look more natural."

"Glasses it is then." Ryuu said, slipping his glasses back on as he dug into his lunch.

"What." Karkat asked, giving Feferi a slightly disturbed look. She gave him a confused one in return. "How can you tell if it makes his cheek bones look softer? They look the same to me."

Feferi looked back at Ryuu for a moment, before turning to Karkat and shrugging. "I don't know. I guess I just notice things like that a lot more. Mind you, I try not to point them out unless asked about them. I know some people really dislike how they look. Or aren't too fond of their features I guess."

"Alright, I suppose that works."

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><p>The final bell rang, signalling sweet freedom for every student within the school. Feferi took her time getting her books into her bag. She was having a hard time remembering what needed to be brought home and what could stay. After a moment, she decided just to shove the two more important classes, math and science, into her bag before shutting her locker and turning away. The sooner she was home and able to rest, the better.<p>

Even then, Feferi sat out on one of the tables outside, swinging her feet gently through the air, mind stuck on nothing in particular. She'd made it this far, but didn't seem to have the will power to walk home. To move really. "You okay Fef?" Feferi raised her head from her shoes, seeing Ryuu standing on the sidewalk, people moving around him to continue on their way.

"Oh yeah. I'm just waiting for my Dad to come and get me." Feferi lied, smiling as her attention returned to her feet.

"Want me to wait with you?" Foiled. Had he seen through her rouse?

"No, that's okay. Thanks though, I appreciate the offer. I wanna join dance, so he kind of has to come here to sign the form." Not once did her eyes flick up to see if he was still there, to glance at him a moment for his reaction. They simply stayed locked upon the growing and shrinking ray of light that glintd off her shoe.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then. Hopefully you get into dance." Ryuu nodded, racing down the sidewalk to catch his bus. Why wait if he didn't have transportation? If he couldn't simply walk home? Feferi raised her head now, looking over her shoulder to where the buses lined up. Maybe he was that worried about her? Worried that something would happen to her, or that she would hurt herself.

A small smile grew across Feferi's face, fingers wrapping around her wrist as she slowly massaged it with her thumb. Even though there were no scars here, she imagined that there was. That there were little bits of discoloration within the flesh, signalling what had once been there. Cuts. "I won't hurt myself anymore." Feferi said softly, flipping her hand over so she could smooth her fingers over the skin. "I promised I wouldn't."

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><p>The air had grown cold when Feferi finally decided to walk home. Everyone else had left the school grounds, telling her it was time. She'd decided to follow up on her lie to Ryuu and had run inside to grab a form for Dance. It was competitive though, which meant she'd have to try out. Even though it was getting darker, Feferi felt oddly at peace. Comforted by the warm glow of the sun falling in the sky, the way the leaves shook gently upon their branches, refusing to fall quite yet. This was why she loved the fall so much. Everything seemed to stand still, but in the same instant it could move so quickly, flitting before your eyes, keeping you from seeing everything.<p>

Feferi's eyes fell upon the dance form she was holding in her hands. Someone really did have to sign it. Someone had to take responsibility for her not attending the after school class, for her costumes, make up, rides or whatever else was needed. Did she really believe she could get into this class? Sure, she loved to dance, but could she dance well enough to get in? "What am I talking about? Of course I can get in! I'm amazing at dance!" Feferi told herself, making her hands into fists like they did in anime shows to get themselves pumped. She wanted to get home as quickly as possible so she wouldn't forget to have the form signed by her mom. Feferi lowered her head, smiling to herself as she hummed and started to dance her way home.

But why was she going so slow?

Why was she taking her time getting home?

She got her answer the moment she lifted her head from the ground, attempting to pay attention to what was around her instead of being lost in thought.

First she heard screaming, her mothers high pitched shriek. Then she heard something being thrown across the room. Finally, a window breaking and papers all over the lawn. Feferi stood just outside of their yard, staring slightly wide eyed through the broken window. Both her parents were standing there, looking a little dishevelled and surprised. She knew what she had to do. In one motion, she crumpled the paper in her hand, picked up her leg and swung herself to start walking away from the house.

"Feferi!" Her mom called out, worried now.

Maybe this was why she took her time coming home?

Maybe she knew it all along?

Nothing was going to change.

Her life wasn't going to get better.

It wasn't going to get better.

Feferi clenched her jaw, grip tightening more around the crumpled piece of paper. She picked up her pace, lowering her head as she bolted. Like hell she wanted those people to catch up to her. Like hell she wanted anything to do with them. All they did was make her upset. Neither of them could protect her from what mattered most. From what mattered in her life.

From what scared her to the core.

Feferi only managed to run about a block away before she collapsed on the ground sobbing. Her hands were upon her face as she cried, trying to calm herself down. "I hate you! I hate you so much!" She screamed, bashing her hands into the cement with her rage. "Why can't you protect me?" She was sniffling now, staring down at her hands. She'd scraped them up with her little fit. Feferi looked over her shoulder, sitting back on her legs before wiping at her face again. She needed to keep moving. Feferi pushed herself slowly to her feet, cleaning herself off before she continued onwards. That place couldn't be called home anymore. That wasn't her home anymore.

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><p>Feferi kept cursing at herself as she walked. Where was she going to go? A couple times she turned to go to Kanaya's house, but ended up turning around, walking away. Oh how she wanted so badly to go to Karkat's house, but she knew he'd probably make a big deal out of this. Not to mention her dad would murder her when he found out. Terezi? But she always got on Feferi's nerves if she was forced to be around her for more than a few minutes. Especially by herself. Not that she didn't like Terezi. She was a wonderful girl, just not her cup of tea.<p>

So who else did that leave her? Gamzee? Hell to the no. She would rather hang herself than go to that jack asses house. Tavros? Feferi hardly knew the boy, not to mention going to his house probably wasn't best for her sanity. That left Ryuu. What would her dad say when he found out? What about Karkat? Would he take it the wrong way? Feferi through a fit for the second time that night, only this time her bag came swinging off, flying through the air before hitting the ground with a thud. Where did she think that would get her? To the magical land of Narnia? Oh how she wished. Feferi walked up to her bag, eyeing it for a moment before she kicked it hard. She kept thinking that it was the nice part of her, the side that would take crap from everyone, and she was life. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get up. Something was always kicking her back down, and she hated it.

She really, truely hated it.

Air forced itself from Feferi's nose as she turned around, hands on her waist. She was mainly checking to see if anyone was coming after her yet. She doubted it. Just went to show how much her family loved her. A whole bunch of non-existant love that is. But what did she expect? Did she expect them to come looking for her? To send the police to find her? What happened when they brought her home and found the glass and whatever else had gone through the window on the lawn? What then?

"Probably nothing. Knowing my family, they'd say it was an accident. Like 'Oh, we were moving stuff around and it broke through the window and just toppled out.' Pfft. As if." Feferi muttered to herself, stooping to collect her battered bag. It was covered in shoe prints now, and she didn't care to dust it off either. Too much time and effort would be put into something so pointless. She supposed she would go to Ryuu's house. It didn't hurt. She'd deal with Karkat later, as well as he father. Karkat she supposed would be easier to deal with than her father. Maybe she could get away with lying to him for a while?

Feferi's eyes fell to the crumpled paper in her hand. That's right, she'd wanted to sign up for dance. Slowly, she uncrumpled it, looking at the words printed upon it. When were the auditions? When did she need that signature by? "October 8th." She whispered to herself. "Shit." She rubbed at her forehead. That was three days away. Friday. _Friday._ Some how, Feferi had to figure out how to get her parents to sign this before Friday, and keep the fact she was staying over at a guys house from them at the same time. If she even stayed over at Ryuu's house that is.

Her life was slowly crumpling around her. Slowly but surely, and there seemed to be nothing to keep her up either.


	14. Chapter 14

**Guys, I had to sit there and look at my phone to figure out what letters Ryuu wouldn't be able to text with xD I have a keyboard on my phone, so obviously, we see how often I use the ABC funtion xD**

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><p>Feferi finally stopped, having no idea where to go. Her bag slid off her shoulder again, hands resting themselves on her hips before she sat down on the ground. Maybe she wouldn't go to Ryuu's house? She could probably find a bench to camp out on for the night. Or go back home. With an irritated sigh, Feferi picked up a pebble on the side of the road and chucked it, as far as she could manage. This was mildly entertaining, and she continued it for a while. What a relief. It was like each pebble was a problem, and she was just throwing it away, far away from her, so she didn't have to deal with it anymore. But...was that such a good idea?<p>

Feferi paused, hand raised as she pressed a pebble between her fingers, lost between throwing it and putting it down. No. This wasn't solving anything. Throwing pebbles wasn't going to make things better for her, wasn't going to make her parents stop fighting, or bad memories go away. Staying on a bench was a bad idea, and she didn't feel like going home at the moment. God knew her parents were going to stay up late, keep the door unlocked and probably call the cops. If she came home they'd give her hell. She'd want to yell back at them anyways. Feferi tilted her head from side to side before finally giving in. The pebble slipped from her hand as she pulled her cellphone out. She opened up a new message to Ryuu, then hesistated. She didn't know what he would say. What if he said no? What would she do then? Text someone else? Feferi contemplated the thought of sending the same message to a few people, but then decided against it. There was really only one way to find out what he would say.

_)(-Ey, Ryuu? Do you mind if I stay at your )(ous-E tonig)(t?_

Her fingers ran across the buttons as she waited, afraid that he wouldn't reply. As if the tension of rejection wasn't hostile enough, time was ticking away. Feferi raised her head from the small black object in her hand, letting her foot vibrate against the cement as she looked up the street. She could see it. She'd be sitting here, waiting for a reply that would never come, and the cops would come wheeling around the corner, picking her up and taking her home. Just as she was about to give up and go to the first house her feet lead her to, her phone vibrated.

_Sure, 8ut whut's wrong? R u ok?_

Feferi stared at the message for a moment. His typing was a little odd. A mixture of a few typing quirks, though she didn't know anyone who used text talk, or 8's for 'b's.

_Yea)(, I'm okay. W)(at's up wit)( your typing?_

_Oh, the two 8utton is 8roken, so I wus forsed to think of other weighs to type. Do you know where I live?_

_No, I don't actally...m-EEt m-E )(alf way?_

_K, I live up in plesnt prk. Just wlk tht weigh n I will meet you._

_Alrig)(t._

Feferi got to her feet. Damn, he lived all the way on the otherside of town. With a grumble, she walked over to her bag, kicking it before she picked it up and slung it over her shoulder. This would prove to be a long walk. She'd also have to get to the main road, since she knew no other way to the area he lived in. Hopefully he thought of this, otherwise she might end up having to text him again.

Feferi rushed across the street, before breaking into a hop and a skip as she jumped up onto the sidewalk. This was one thing she liked about walking. With cars, you were forced to obey so many laws, had to go a certain speed and had almost no short-cuts at your disposal. Walking on the other hand, you could go as fast as you wanted, meandering along or running at full speed. Nothing prohibited you from taking whatever route you wanted, minus a few buildings and busy intersections. This was blissful, and a long walk was exactly what she needed in order to clear her mind.

The first thing she did, was head for the main drag. She cut through empty parking lots, patches of grass and over chain-link fences as she moved, all the while trying to calm herself down. The last thing she wanted was to force all her problems onto Ryuu. That wasn't what she'd asked of him, because all she'd wanted was a place to spend the night. So why did she feel such a heavy pain in her chest? Right, because this wasn't her boyfriends house she was staying at, this wasn't Karkat's house. Feferi's head dropped, pace slowed. Maybe this was a bad idea. Feferi popped out onto the main drag. It was too late to turn around. She wouldn't make Ryuu walk so far, only to turn around. "Its just one night." Feferi told herself. "Its not like I'm cheating on him."

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><p>The walk was long, but thankfully Ryuu ended up meeting her a little past the half way point. The thing Feferi enjoyed most about this? He never bothered asking what was wrong. "Hey!" Ryuu called when he saw Feferi, hand shooting into the air like he was afraid she wouldn't see him.<p>

"Hi." Feferi replied meekly, hand raised slightly in a wave. She jogged a little to catch up to him, one hand wrapped tightly around the strap of her bag, paper being scrunched up again.

Ryuu smiled, turning so he was walking in the same direction as her. His eye caught the paper in her hand, still a little crumpled, though it showed signs of an attempt to be straightened. "What's that?" He questioned, giving it a look as he reached for it.

"Oh this?" Feferi loosened her grip, holding out her hand passing Ryuu the crumpled up paper. "It's the form for the dance class. Still got to get mum or dad to sign it." Feferi sighed. "But I don't think I'll be able to get them to." Feferi's eyes fell to the ground, shoulders slumped. She felt really bad about it. Not that she'd imagined she'd get in, but just the thought had made her giddy.

Ryuu studied the paper for a moment. "I see. Nervous are we?"

"Me? Nervous? Well...yeah, a little, but that's not really the problem." Feferi admitted.

"Oh. So, basically its got something to do with home, which is the reason why you asked to come over, but you don't want to talk about it?" Ryuu ventured. "I dunno, maybe forge their signature? I mean, what's the worst that could happen? All you need to do is tell them that you're joining dance right?"

Feferi giggled a little. "Well, I wish it were that easy. The reason we have the form is because there are stuff that the parents need to pay for, so they want to make sure that said items will get paid for and not just...well yeah." Feferi shrugged. "So one way or another they need to see this and they need to sign it before Friday."

Ryuu nodded. "Alright, so does this mean your going to practice a dance or something? Get yourself all prepared for that audition so that you nail it?"

"Uhm...I'm not too sure. I don't even know what I would do to be honest." Feferi chewed her bottom lip. She hadn't thought about that. She'd just been concerned with getting the form signed.

"Well...you have all of next week to prepare right?" Ryuu offered, trying to make her feel better. "So you have an entire week to think of something, and make sure that you're ready. I'm sure you'll do fine. No, I know you'll do fine." Feferi smiled at Ryuu as they turned into a little park. "Short cut to my house. Its just on the otherside. You can see it from here." Ryuu pointed off in the distance to a white house with a black roof. It looked a little fancy from the outside, but the inside might say differently.

"Thanks." Feferi said. "I think I'll do good too. So, is it just you and your parents living here?" Feferi asked once they got to the yard. Ryuu shook his head.

"I have a younger sister, but she's really little." Ryuu started as he opened the front door to his house. "She's four now, and she really likes to hang around me when I have friends over. So if she starts to bother you, just let me know and I'll get mom to distract her."

"No, that'll be alright. I don't mind little kids. I have a younger sister too, but she's only a few years younger than me, so I suppose its not quite the same." Feferi stepped inside, already slipping her shoes off as she scoped out the room. "You have a nice house Ryuu. Do you like living here?"

"Yeah. Its better than where we were living." He shrugged, nudging the door shut. "You can hang your coat up there, or sweater if you want." He pointed to the coat rack before he shrugged his own jacket off and hung it up. "And if you want, you can have my bed tonight, I can just sleep on the couch. I don't mind."

"Ryuu?" It sounded like an older woman, which made Feferi assume it was his mom. She was right of course.

"Yeah mom?"

"Is your friend okay?" She peeked around the corner down to the two in the landing. There was a flight of stairs that lead up, to where his mother was eyeing around the corner at them, and a flight that lead downstairs into the basement. Terezi's house was set up the same way, which made Feferi believe half the houses were like her's. Karkat's and Kanaya's, and the other half's were like this. Ryuu's mom smiled down at her, a real smile that only hid sugar and rainbows behind it.

"Yeah. I think it was just a misunderstanding at her house that she didn't want to be part of." Ryuu looked at Feferi for a moment, and she nodded before he looked back.

"Well, then it's a good thing you came over. You're free to stay here whenever you need alright, uhm...?"

"Feferi. Feferi Peixes. Its nice to meet you, and thanks." Feferi smiled, blushing a little. Why was everyone so nice to her?

"Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat, or snack on? I have brownies and cookies if you want." Ryuu's mom turned away, wandering back where she came. Ryuu lead them upstairs into the kitchen where they found his mom going through the fridge. "We actually just finished putting dinner away, so you might have to warm it up."

"Alright. Thanks." Feferi dropped her bag onto an empty chair, putting the crumpled peice of paper on the table before she wandered over to Ryuu's mom, looking over the door of the fridge to see if she needed help. "I'll eat basically anything, so whatever you're willing to spare."

"Is Raina asleep?" Ryuu asked. Feferi could hear his voice getting distant, she supposed it was because he was walking away, but didn't bother to look.

"No, she should be in her room. But she'll be going to sleep soon, so don't inform her of our guest." Even his mom seemed to realize that his sister enjoyed company.

"So is it just the four of you living here?" Feferi asked. "You, your husband and two children?" She held out her hands, taking a few wrapped plates from Ryuu's mom before setting them down on the counter.

Ryuu's mom was quiet for a moment as she grabbed a plate down for Feferi. "No, just the three of us right now. Ryuu's dad is sick in the hospital. That's why we moved down here, so we could be closer to him." His mom nodded, but the smile on her face was full of sadness.

"I'm sorry, I hope he gets better." Feferi sounded like she was holding back tears. She didn't understand what it was like to lose someone, but she understood what it was like to have someone around who didn't belong. Perhaps the two were the same, but different in the way they were percieved? Feferi averted her eyes, terrified to look at Ryuu's mother incase her sadness made his mom cry.

"I'm sure he will." This time she smiled that sugar and rainbow grin Feferi had first seen. Feferi turned to look back at her, the warmth of that smile washing over her, making her smile.

"She heard Feferi." Ryuu said, acting as a wall holding back a small, chubby face. It peeked around his leg and Feferi noticed she was blonde, her hair tied up into curly pigtails. Raina almost looked like a little porcelain doll, she was so cute.

"Why hello there." Feferi beamed, kneeling down. Raina took that moment to dive through Ryuu's legs, but he was a little quicker and closed them around her waist.

"Nope. She needs to eat first. You can play with her when she's done." Ryuu said, putting his hands on his waist.

"But I need to see her!" Raina's voice was high pitched and her words slightly slurred as she attempted to pronounce them properly. That made Feferi laugh. "Ryuu I need to see her!" Raina squirmed around on the floor, attempting to get out of her brothers hold by pushing on his legs and streching her arms out.

"Nope. Eat before play, you know that." Ryuu wasn't about to bend under this, so Feferi got up, helping to put the food away as his mom started to heat the plate for her in the microwave.

"She's cute." Feferi giggled, closing the fridge door. "I don't know how you can stand not to just break under that."

"Practice." Ryuu said flatly. "Her puppy dog eyes stopped working on me when she was two."

Feferi laughed. "Oh I'm sure they did." She turned when she heard the microwave beep and took the plate of food with a thank-you before she sat herself at the table. She ate with her head in her hand, staring dreamily at Ryuu's younger sister. "So, you're Raina?"

"Yup. And this is Ryuu. He's a big meanie. He eats my cereal every morning." Raina turned a little so she could glare up at Ryuu who only rolled his eyes.

"That's my cereal Raina. Your's is the Fruit Loops." Ryuu sighed.

"No. Mine is the one with the marshmallows in it." Her face turned to one that would've looked angry, had she not been so damn cute. Raina set her legs in motion, swinging them in the air as she layed her face down on the floor, arms outstreched infront of her.

"The Lucky Charms are mine, Raina." Ryuu's voice was bordering on angry as he glared down at her.

"So, what do you like to do?" Feferi asked, deciding that argument was going nowhere, concidering it was between two people eleven years apart, one of whom was four.

"I like to play Barbies, but Ken had a fight with Barbie because she put the brush in the fridge, but really, that was my fault." Raina giggled, hiding her face in her hands. To her, this must've been the funniest prank in the world. Feferi really couldn't remember being so young.

"Oh? Are you going to tell Ken that so he can apologize?" Feferi asked between a mouthful of food. Raina shook her head. "Why not?"

"Because its funny, and I wanna see if Barbie will do something mean to him." Feferi almost choked on her food as she started laughing. She was four, but she was already mature enough to say things like that?

"Please tell me it's your fault she's got this mind-set at four." She looked up at Ryuu. He said nothing. "You're so mean!" Feferi squeaked, covering her mouth with her hand, brows raised to her hairline.

"Just finish your food so I can let her go." Ryuu folded his arms over his chest, averting his eyes. It appeared he was getting tired of holding his younger hostage with his legs.

Feferi nodded, scarfing the rest down. Raina was up and running to her faster than Feferi was able to blink, but she didn't mind. She enjoyed being here, even though it'd only been about twenty minutes. Here was a small ball of life whom was hard to stay mad at, as well as a boy who seemed to be mad almost all the time. Or at least around the little bundle of joy. The two contrasted so much, it was hard not to smile at them.

Maybe her life could get better?


	15. Chapter 15

**Ugh. Life. Alright, lets get crackin. **

**Also, sorry for the slow updates. I've been really busy and have been editing/ adding things to each of the chapters . Chapter 16 probably wont be up for a while yet. Still got to get orientated to normal life again. :/**

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><p>Feferi ended up playing with Raina in her room until she passed out in the middle of a stuffies war, movements becoming slow and laggy as she fought to stay awake. This prompted Feferi to tuck her in and go out to the living room. Ryuu was on the verge of sleep himself, a controller lazily resting in one hand and a faint glow eminating from the television. When Ryuu saw Feferi, he blinked a couple times, sitting up quickly before rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wake up a little more. "Oh, you're still up? I'd have thought you'd crash with Raina."<p>

Feferi let out a light chuckle. "No. Fortunatly, I can stay up later than she can." Feferi shrugged, glancing at the clock. It was only nine at night. "Do you usually go to bed before nine?"

"Usually. Because Raina plays me out. But I thought I'd stay up a bit later to make sure you hadn't fallen asleep." Ryuu turned his game off, returning the controller to its place beside the consol before he stretched, getting right up on his tip toes, hands reaching for the ceiling.

"Naw. If I'd have known, I would've had Raina asleep earlier and come out." Feferi says. "Sorry for making you stay up later..." Feferi looked upset about this, but she was glad someone acutally waited up for her. Cared enough to make sure she wasn't left alone. This made a small smile creep across her face.

"Alright, well I will show you to my room since I need to grab some PJs." Ryuu said as he started past Feferi, only stop and look at her. "I'll let you borrow something too if you want."

"No, no. You sleep in your bed, I'll take the couch. Its really not that bad. And only if you want to, I can also sleep in this and be fine." Feferi said, holding her hands up like she felt like she was imposing. In reality, she would've loved to be sleeping in a nice warm bed, in clothes she hadn't worn all day and would proceed to wear for the next twenty-four hours.

Ryuu thought about this for a moment. Almost as if he could read her thoughts he said, "I'll let you borrow a pair of sweats okay? And you'll need a change of clothes for the morning, so I can find a shirt thats...well doesn't look like it belongs to me, lets put it that way. Then you can return them when ever you get the time." Ryuu shrugs, continuing back to his room. "Bathroom is there, incase you get up in the middle of the night. You're welcome to anything in the fridge of course...uhm...lets see my bus gets here at about eight, so I'll be getting you up at seven, since we need to get Raina up and dressed, so it can get loud." Ryuu turns into his room, rubbing at his head. It looked like it was inhabited by someone who wasn't quite sure if they were male or female, concidering it was half messy and half organized. He went to his closet, pulling at an extra blanket. It was under a heap of things, so he had to wiggle it out before he could hand it to Feferi. Ryuu stood at his bed for a moment, debating on which pillow to give her. Finally, he shrugged and handed her the closest one. "Is that okay?"

"Of course. I mean, I wont be use to it, but I'm not about to complain. You're the one who let me stay over." Feferi beamed. She was really happy to have such wonderful friends, no matter how new to her they were. "Alright. I'll allow that. I'll return them asap." Feferi nodded as Ryuu put a pair of pants and shirt on top of the pile, closing the dresser drawer with his outstreched foot. Feferi turned and returned to the living room, dropping everything on the couch. She scooped up the pants and wandered to the bathroom. It was so clean and tidy in there, it almost seemed foriegn, but she could still see where Raina brushed her teeth every morning, and what belonged to Ryuu. She giggled a little at the scene running through her hair as she pulled on the sweats that were about two sizes too big for her, forcing her to pull the string as tight as possible so they wouldn't fall off her hips.

"Good night. Feel free to wake me if you need something alright?" Ryuu said as Feferi walked out of the bathroom.

"Alright. Good night." She smiled. He returned it, then flicked off his light and climbed into bed. Feferi wandered back to the couch, folding up her pants and setting them down on the floor by her head before she carefully made the couch look all nice and comfy. It was half a lie though. The couch was small, which meant she was forced to lay almost completely on her side, but it was soft and warm, which made her almost completely forget where she was sleeping as she drifted off into a deep sleep.

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><p>Sleep didn't last long however. Feferi ended up jolting herself awake, heart racing a mile a minute as her eyes searched hopelessly around the darkened room. She couldn't remember where she was, or even what she dreamed, but she knew she was scared, freaking out. Feferi pushed herself into a sitting position, hands instantly upon her face, slowly massaging her sticky skin. She was at Ryuu's house, she was safe. So why did she feel so clammy and petrified? Her hands slipped from her face to land on her knees, fingers tapping rapidly upon them as she tried to calm her breathing. Her eyes flicked to where she'd left her pants. For a moment, she pondered checking the time. How long had she been sleeping? Had she even gone to sleep? Curiosity got the best of her, and her hand flew to the pocket, retrieving her phone. Eleven at night. Damn, she'd hardly slept. Feferi started tapping her foot on the floor. She was too ansy to keep sitting, so she got to her feet and started pacing quietly about, afraid that her steps would wake someone.<p>

What had she dreamed about? Why was she so scared? Feferi wandered by Ryuu's room a couple times, stopping each time with the intent to go and wake him up, to ask for some reassurance, some comfort. Everytime she chickened out and turned away. The third time she was about to leave, she heard something. A low grunt and some rustling. Feferi turned back to the door.

"What are you doing?" Ryuu asked, sounding half asleep.

"Sorry..." Feferi said, fiddling with her fingers. "I couldn't sleep." Feferi's eyes darted away from Ryuu, fingers moving a little faster as they picked at eachother, wormed their way around one another.

"Come here." Ryuu said. When Feferi looked back, he was sitting up on his bed patting the empty space. Feferi hesitated for a moment, then walked into his room and took a seat. "What's bothering you? I can see it written on your face. Not to mention you were pacing."

"I don't know." Feferi's voice was a whisper, hands finally relaxing into her lap. "I really don't know. Its not like you've done anything to scare me, but I feel so paranoid...scared." Feferi continued, voice slipping into a wisper as she started to chew her nail. "And I'm not entirely sure why."

Ryuu's face twisted as he thought about this, his hand reaching out to pull her hand away from her mouth. "Well...maybe its reminding you of something? Want me to make a bed out on the floor and bunk in the living room with you?"

Feferi felt her muscles tense, her breath momentarily catch in her throat. "No. That's okay. Thanks though." Feferi's fingers started moving quickly again, trying to occupy her mind with something else. "It was probably just a falling dream that scared me a little more than it should have."

"Fef, I hate to say it, but don't lie." Ryuu sounded a little irritated, voice stern. "I can tell something's bothering you. You stiffened up when I offered to be like...a guard dog or something for you."

Feferi sucked in her bottom lip, bringing her knee's to her chest so she could stare absently at the wall. "Maybe it was a nightmare then." She said softly. It wasn't a question. It was her attempting to convince herself it was something normal, something she didn't have to be afraid of. Ryuu said nothing, just studied her for a moment. "Its nothing. I'm sorry I woke you up." Feferi got to her feet, forcing a smile on her face.

"If its bothering you that much, why not tell someone?" Ryuu inquired, moving to get back into a comfy position. He wasn't about to fight her into talking when it was obvious she didn't want to.

"What happens when I already have?" Feferi countered. "What happens when I've told someone I trust, and nothings changed? When I made them promise not to tell, but I'm sure they already have? Or made them promise not to start anything, but I'm sure they will?" Feferi felt her voice raising and quickly lowered it.

"Then I guess the only thing left is to take it in pieces and start to mend what's broken." Ryuu offered unfazed. "Listen, I understand when you don't want to talk about something. Heck, you don't have to tell me, but I do want to know. I do want to help you. When you need it, I've got an ear willing to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. Terezi's said nothing but good things about you. She's forever praising you."

Feferi paused at the door, silent for a moment. "Is Terezi still 'a little bird that told me'?" Feferi put her hand on the door frame, refusing to look back. Ryuu took a little too long to respond. "Then I suppose you will eventually know one day, if you already don't." Feferi waited silently for half a second, then returned to the couch. The shadows seemed alive now, full of life that she couldn't see, their energy creeping upon her. Sleep would take a while to come while her mind raced until it ran out of steam and puckered out, allowing her conciousness to slip.

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><p>Feferi was slowly shaken awake. Her eyes peeled open to reveal Ryuu standing over her, toothbrush in his mouth while he tried to wake her. "Its time to get up. I'm getting you up a little sooner so you can get dressed and what not." He said, taking hold of the tooth brush as he straightened up. Feferi rubbed at her eyes, pushing herself into a sitting position.<p>

"Okay. Thanks." She said, staring blankly around for a moment before grabbing the shirt Ryuu was letting her borrow. It was a black skater shirt with some weird logo on it she didn't understand, but she still walked to the bathroom to change into it. When she was in it, she studied herself. Her hair was a mess, and the shirt was baggy, along with the pants, which she'd tied tighter than they'd ever been to keep them from falling any further down her hips. "Ryuu." Feferi called from behind the door.

"What?" He called back. He was still brushing his teeth. She could tell since he words were muffled, but she wasn't sure if it was from the toothbrush, or the spit he still had in his mouth.

"Where do you keep hair ties?" Feferi opened the door so he could come in. At first he gave her a confused look, then walked in and opened up the mirror, pointing before spitting in the sink and rincing his mouth out.

"Thanks." Feferi said, grabbing one out. She ran her fingers lightly through her hair, then tied it into a messy bun.

"You know you're more than welcome to use the brush right?" Ryuu asked, cocking a brow at her as he put his tooth brush away, momentarily pointing towards the unused brush on the counter.

"Eh. This works." She said with a shrug, following him out into the kitchen. "When does your mom and sister get up?"

Ryuu glanced at the clock. "Bout another half an hour. Its chaos getting Raina up." Ryuu shook his head. "Want some cereal?" He asked, opening up the pantry and pulling out some Cheerios. Her favourite!

"That one, yes." Feferi beamed, pointing so he knew. She felt like a small child the way she stared the box of cereal down. Almost like it was the biggest lolipop in the store.

"Well, that was easy." Ryuu commented as he pulled out Lucky Charms. "You and Raina both like the same one." Ryuu grabbed two bowls and spoons and started pouring their cereals.

"I thought Raina liked the ones with the marshmallows." Feferi cocked a brow at him, he only glared at her from over his shoulder. "She said you eat her cereal."

"She says a lot of things that aren't true." Ryuu placed the bowl of Cheerios infront of Feferi, then sat himself down at the table. "She's still a little young to fully comprehend that stuff...or at least I think so anyways."

"Maybe. But don't underestimate her." Feferi commented, opening up the milk and pouring some in. She'd have to remember not to have too much dairy that day. Her stomache was starting to act up when she had too much, and she wasn't exactly sure why.

"Noted."

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><p>Raina did take a while to get up. It was a slow process that was worked out in stages. First, she would moan and roll around in her bed, then she'd slowly sit up. From there she was a walking zombie until she finally woke up, to which she became the ball of engergy Feferi had first encountered. Ryuu made sure Raina was dressed and had her teeth brushed long before this though. Now she was running around the kitchen screaming for Cheerios.<p>

"Calm down Raina, I'm getting them for you." Ryuu said, trying to move her out of the way so he could pour her a bowl. And by bowl he meant the smallest one he could find in the cupboard about half full. Feferi sat at the table, head in her hand as she smiled softy at the scene. This was wonderful. Brother and sister getting along so well, especially when one concidered the age differences. Sure, Ryuu got angry at her, just like she got angry at him, but that was normal wasn't it? Ryuu finally handed Raina the bowl of cereal, which she happily carried above her head chanting '_cheerios, cheerios_' until she got to the table. She plopped it down with a clatter, spilling some of its contents around. Ryuu sighed irritated.

"Its alright, I'll clean it up." Feferi offered, getting up from her chair. She reached for the nearest cloth she could find and started to mop up the mess. "Is she always like this in the morning?"

"Sometimes. Usually she just...meanders around until we have to go to school. She still does that of course." Ryuu gestured at the cereal. "Chants it every morning, plops it down the exact same way."

"Where's your mom? Doesn't she help out too?" Feferi had just noticed that Ryuu was the one helping his sister out the entire morning. She hadn't seen his mom since the night before.

"Sleeping still." Ryuu made this sound like it was normal. "Mum goes through mood swings because of Dad, and she has a job with odd hours. When she finally gets a day off, it all comes crashing down on her and she just passes out. Even when she has to work, its still a little hard to get her up in the morning. I try not to bother waking her up if I don't have to."

Feferi concidered this a moment, nodding slowly as she processed it. So his dad was in the hospital, and his mum was faltering greatly because of it. She had a hard time keeping a routine shedual because she was forced to make ends-meet. "It must be hard for her." Feferi finally said. Her gaze had rested upon Raina, who was now looking wide-eyed at Feferi, mouth a little too full of breakfast. Her cheeks were puffed up with food, and a few cheerios were slipping out of her mouth.

"Yeah. I try to help out, but she doesn't like it. I was going to get a job...yeah." Ryuu scratched at his head, as if remembering was proving to be difficult for him. "I told mum that when I graduated, I'd get a really good job and help her out. She'd be able to retire early and I'd take care of her and Raina. And dad when he got out of the hospital."

"I'll help too." Feferi smiled. "Its hard for one person, and I don't want you to end up tired and worn out like your mom. Its easier if someone else is helping, right?" Feferi raised a brow at Ryuu, as if she were threatening him to contradict her.

"I suppose you have a point. Even mum said she didn't want me looking after her until she needed help. But still, who wants to live a life like this? One where you hardly see your children, and your constantly worrying about everything. If there's enough food, if the bills are paid, how your kids are doing, how your husband is doing." Feferi could see the frustration on Ryuu's face. He'd been suffering too.

"Everyone has things that they need to think about. I mean, for you, its that your sister is up, dressed and fed before the bus. For me, its that my dad doesn't relapse and have to go back to rehab. Mum wouldn't be able to handle that. But she's not doing so well with it right now, so I need to be that stick in the mud that tells them where to go, how to get there, and what line not to cross." Feferi slowly started to kick her feet. "Then there's my sister. I have to make sure that she doesn't get caught in the cross-fire anymore. Because I know mum and dad have been fighting, and I know she's been around it. I want her to be safe, and to always smile. Because I know I've been having trouble smiling, and she doesn't need to go through that."

Ryuu's brows twitched, itching to meet up in a confused manner, but he kept them apart. "So that's why you got away for the night." Ryuu said. To him, it made sense. When you add to much pressure to a balloon, it pops. That was Feferi, but she was a stubborn balloon, the ones that like to slip away from the pressure. "You're more than welcome to come over if it happens again. I'd like to see you smile more often too. Its a face that looks good on you. When you smile, the whole world lights up."

Feferi looked up from her feet, a little shocked. Had he really just said something like that? "C'mon, we gotta head for the bus." He picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder before he grabbed his sisters, ushering her to the door. She still required shoes and a jacket before they could leave.

"Y-yeah." Feferi stammered. She sat a moment longer before she grabbed her stuff and followed suit. Was she that flicker of hope in peoples lives? The thing that made the darkness fade away?


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry if its riddled with spelling errors and what not. Too lazy to go through and edit it myself, and my editor is currently sleeping and I am bored and want this up. So enjoy. Feel free to message me if you do find any errors and I will try to find and fix them. **

**And with that, enjoy Chapter 16 and quite possibly Chapters 17 and 18 soon.**

**Also, its kinda short. Forgive me**

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><p>Like normal, school was un-eventful. Her friends knew nothing of what had transpired the night before, but she was sure if Terezi could see she would've had most of it figured out. And why wouldn't she? Technically she was wearing her cousins clothes. Feferi was just surprised she hadn't smelled the difference and interrogated her about it. But maybe that was just Terezi? Maybe she knew when prodding would just make things worse instead of solving whatever henious crime had been committed?<p>

"So what are you doing tonight?" Karkat asked, pulling Feferi out of her thoughts.

"What?" Feferi looked a little confused and looked around to try and figure out where they were, how far they'd walked before she was dragged from her little day-dream. They were still in the school yard, but it looked like a lot of the kids had already jumped on their buses and went home.

"Are you doing anything tonight." Karkat sounded a little irritated that she'd ignored his question the first time and seemed as distracted as ever. "What's wrong with you? You're really out of it today."

"Am I? Sorry, I'm just thinking about...things." Feferi's eyes lowered to her hands, watching them as they fiddled around. "Sorry Kar, I've kinda gotta work some things out with my parents tonight. I'm sure they're really worried about me."

"Why would they be worried about you? Did you do something?" Karkat asked. Feferi concidered that for a moment, then shook her head. Karkat paused a moment before he asked his next question. "Did you tell them?"

"No. Definatly not. They just scared me last night, so I didn't go home." Feferi looked up at Karkat with a smile. "But I should return home so they're not worried that I'm lost or got kidnapped or something. That's the last thing they need." But if they cared about her that much, why hadn't one of them come to the school to see if she'd showed up? Why wasn't one of them waiting in the parking lot for her in hopes that she'd waited around?

"Where'd you go then?"

"Just wandered around." Feferi said like that's what she'd actually done. "Eventually I just went and got a hotel room with the money I had left over in my pocket. I was afraid if I went to someones house then they'd come get me while they were still upset and nothing would be settled."

"You should've come to my house. If mum would've known she wouldn't have let them take you if they came looking. Which they didn't." Karkat said. "Just promise you'll do that next time it gets out of hand okay? I don't want anything to happen to you." Karkat leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead before looking her straight in the eyes. "Please?"

Feferi nodded. "Alright. Its a promise. Next time something gets out of hand, you'll be the first person I go to. Unless its more of a womanly matter then I'll go to Terezi or Kanaya." Feferi gave Karkat a cocky smile, which provoked him to mutter some form of a curse under his breath and roll his eyes.

"Yes. Please do that. I don't think I'm quite ready to deal with something like that when we've barely started Sex Ed. Even then, please do. I'll probably be scarred to death for a good while. No offense."

"None taken. We're death traps you know."

"Har har, very funny." Karkat gave Feferi a mild glare. "Alright, go home before they send the police after you."

"Har har, very funny Kar." Feferi said, rolling her eyes as she got up. "I'll text you later and tell you how it went alright? See you tomorrow at school!" Feferi waved as she started running for home.

But home was the last place she wanted to be right now. When she was far enough from the school, her pace slowed to a walk, then to slow steps that dragged across the ground. Karkat never told her that he liked her smile. How it made the world light up when she did. Karkat hardly said anything that complimented her. But he never complimented anyone. "But I'm his girlfriend." Feferi said, trying to convince herself that something should be different besides the physical contact. "He should tell me I'm pretty, and that something about me makes his days wonderful, makes them worth living." Feferi sucked in her bottom lip, chewing slowly at it as her eyes flicked up from her feet. Her house was getting close. Did she keep walking? See where she ended up? But she promised Karkat that she'd tell him how it went. If she texted him and said she chickened out and was just wandering around again, he'd come get her, and she didn't want that.

Wait. She didn't want that? Feferi stopped dead in her tracks. Why wouldn't she want her own boyfriend to come and get her, if she were afraid to go home? Why wouldn't she want her own boyfriend to comfort her when she were sad?

Because Karkat wasn't like that.

Feferi closed her eyes, dreading what that meant. She had a few things she needed to fix all on her own, and that meant soon. _Now._ Feferi turned around, heading for the park near her house. She needed someone to talk to before she headed into this battle, and her enemies weren't just her parents.

_Kanaya?_

_Yes? What Is It?_

Feferi lightly tapped her fingers on the keys, trying to figure out how to phrase this. How did she tell Kanaya what she was feeling? How did she tell Kanaya what she wanted to do?

_)(ow do you know if you actually lik-E som-Eon-E?_

_Well...I Would Assume That You Would Want To Be With That Person All The Time. You Would Be Able To See Your Future Clearly With Them. Why? Did Something Happen With Karkat?_

_No. Not y-Et anyways. I'm just not sur-E if h-E's th-E right on-E for m-E anymor-E._

_Ah. I Understand Now. So Basically You Contacted Me To See What I Would Say, And Would Then Base Your Decision Upon That. So Let Me Ask You One Thing, What Changed Your Mind?_

Feferi looked at the text for a moment. What did change her mind? What made her decide that she didn't want to be with Karkat anymore?

_W-Ell...basically, I )(ave a probl-Em at hom-E, and I was wond-Ering w)(at I would do if I didn't go hom-E and fix it. Th-En I r-Em-Emb-Er-Ed that I was suppos-Ed to t-Ext KK and l-Et him know how it w-Ent. But if I didn't go hom-E then I'd hav-E to t-Ell him that..._

_And Then He Would Come And Try To Comfort You, Give You A Place To Stay For The Night, And You Didn't Really Like That Idea. So Where Did You Stay Last Night?_

_W)(at?_

_Feferi, Darling, I Know That You Didn't Go Home Last Night. Those Clothes Were Not Your Own, And If You Didn't Stay At Karkat's, And You Didn't Stay At My House, Where Did You Go?_

Feferi hesitated for a moment, concidering lying to her like she'd done to Karkat. But if she'd figured it out on her own like this, then she'd see through yet another lie.

_At T-Er-Ezi's cousin's hous-E. Ryuu's. _

_I See. So That's Probably Where You Would Go Again If Things Don't Go So Well At Home Right? Well, How About This, If It Doesn't Go Well Again, Come To My House Instead. You Can Tell Karkat Another Lie, And I'll Let You Borrow Some Of My Clothes. No One Will Notice The Difference, Since My Clothes Are More Like Yours, And We Can Talk A Little Bit More._

_Ok. But only b-Ecaus-E you ask-Ed so nic-Ely._

_Alright. I Will Be Expecting A Text Later._

_Ok. TTYL!_

Feferi plopped down on a bench. She felt worn out now, but she knew what she had to do. First she needed to fix the situation with her parents, then when she had a clear head, she would figure out a way to let Karkat down nicely. And nothing regarding Ryuu would be mentioned. Maybe she would go to Kanaya's house regardless of how it went at her house. Kanaya would know the best way to let Karkat down.

"Guess its time to man up Fef." She told herself, getting up and heading home.

Everything was quiet there. No one was screaming, which was a good thing. Timidly, she approached and opened the front door, peering around it to see if she were walking into a more quieter cross-fire. Nothing. No one was in the kitchen. "Mum?" She called. "Lizzy?" Feferi stepped inside, going for the living room. "Hello?" She was purposefully forgetting to call her dads name. It was the last one she wanted to have come running.

Feferi checked the entire house, but no one was there. There was no note saying where they'd gone, if they'd even be back. Feferi took a seat at the kitchen table, pulling out her phone. First she'd text her sister, then she'd grab some clothes and text Kanaya. She never bothered to use her typing quirk with her sister. She figured she complain that it was hard to read, and why was she even typing like that? Her message was short and sweet. She'd come home, and was going over to Kanaya's. She'd be home the next day after school, so to not worry about her. With that, she ran upstairs, grabbed a new shirt and shoved it in her back-pack.

_No on-E was hom-E so I'm dropping by your plac-E. Ok?_

_Really Now? No One Was Home? I Wonder If They Were Out Looking For You?_

_Knowing t)(-Em, probably not. _

_Well Then. I Will Be Awaiting Your Arrival._

_As usual. _

Feferi made a face at her phone. It was a combination between unimpressed and 'I-saw-that-coming'. Feferi managed to just make it out the door before she decided to leave a note. For all she knew, Lizzy wasn't with her parents, so one of them would come home and she still wouldn't be there. She quickly scribbled something down. If it came out how she was thinking, it would've been alone the lines of; '_Going to Kanaya's. Please don't call, and don't worry about me. I'll be home tomorrow after school.'_ Hopefully that would keep them from calling, but she doubted it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ok, so this one I have edited, but alas sorry for any grammatical errors and what not that may be in here. Also is longer. Enjoy.**

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><p>"So no one was home. Like you're not lying to me?" Kanaya asked from her mirror. She was busy with her hair. Why? Feferi had no idea. They'd be going to bed soon enough, she didn't understand why she had to look nice before hitting the sack.<p>

"Yeah. I looked everywhere. Even places I was sure they wouldn't be, like the pantry." Feferi said, even though that statement wasn't exactly true. She knew for a fact they wouldn't be in the pantry, but the phrase seemed to help but into perspective how hard she'd looked. Feferi was sitting on Kanaya's bed, knees to her chest as she thought back to it. "They didn't even leave me a note incase I came home. And I texted my sister but..." Feferi's hand wandered to the phone she'd discarded on the bed, pressing a button so the screen lit up. Still no text message from her sister. She went into the messages she recieved, but none were a recent one from her sister. Where was she and why wasn't she answering her phone? Her sister of all people?

"She still hasn't texted you? That's not like your sister, and you know that means something when I'm saying it." Kanaya finally turned away from the mirror. Kanaya saying it made it all the more real. Something seemed wrong, but she couldn't figure it out. "Maybe you should call? Just to make sure?"

"No. I don't want to do that. I feel like calling would just defeat the purpose of trying to get eveything worked out face-to-face. Like I'd just be chickening out and trying to avoid something. You know, like those cyber-bullies? I'd feel like one of them." Feferi threw her phone back down on the bed, a sinking feeling in her stomach as she did so. "I just home Lizzy is ok. The last thing I need is to find out they did something to her."

"I know how you feel. Well, to an extent. I don't have any siblings, but you and the others are like siblings to me. If something were to happen to one of you guys, I don't know what I would do. Probably cry and be upset maybe." Kanaya rolled her eyes before turning back to her mirror. "Have you tried calling your sister maybe? That'd be different than calling your parents."

"But what if they ask and take her phone so they can talk to me? I'd rather just leave all this until tomorrow." Feferi said. "To be quite honest anyways." What she'd really meant to say was, 'what if they had her phone and that's why no one was answering her text. But then why wouldn't they have called the moment they'd received her text?

"Alright alright, so what would you like to talk about then?"

"Karkat."

The room fell silent for a moment, Kanaya putting down a brush she'd picked up. They both knew this would be an intense conversation, most likely complete with crying and harsh words. Then what would happen? Would they chicken out and break his heart over text? Or would they convince the other to say it to his face? Karkat deserved better. He deserved to be let down nicely. That's all he'd ever been to Feferi. Nice, honest.

"Right. Ok. What did you have in mind?" Kanaya asked as she took a seat on the bed with Feferi. "Or more or less, more detail on the why."

"Heh. Yeah. Well, I think you pretty much figured that one out. I guess I feel trapped by him, but he hasn't done anything to make it that way. I just...I dunno. I'd rather not go to him when I'm in trouble, but he wants me to. And I know if I don't that'll just make him mad. I don't want him to be mad, but with me he just doesn't seem happy..." Feferi stared at her hands. She wasn't quite sure what she was saying, the words were just coming to her. But being young had its own difficulties when it came to love. "I know when I'm upset I should want to go to him, but to me, it just doesn't seem right. He still seems like a friend to me, and not my boyfriend."

"Then you're afraid that breaking it off will make him more un-happy?" Kanaya prodded. "So, let me get this straight." Kanaya held up a finger to keep Feferi quiet while she talked. "You don't want to make Karkat unhappy, but being together seems to make it that way, and breaking up with him would do the same thing. You don't find comfort in him offering-no more like wanting, you to go to his house when you're in trouble. You'd rather that he be ok with you dropping by if something like that were to happen?"

"Uhm...yeah I'm pretty sure you've gotten it correct. Or close enough." Feferi nodded.

"Did you text him?"

"What?" Feferi gave Kanaya a surprised look, almost as if to say 'what would make you think such a thing?'

"Did you text Karkat and let him know that everything was 'ok'?" Kanaya air quoted 'ok', since she knew Feferi wouldn't tell him that she was currently at Kanaya's house. Not that she really blamed him, he'd probably get mad.

"Oh! No I haven't!" Feferi squeaked, snatching up her phone and quickly typing out a text message to him. "There. Hopefully that works."

"What did you say?"

"That I was sorry I took so long to text him. Everything is ok for now and I'm at home and I'll see him at school. Sound good?" Feferi raised her brows at Kanaya like she wasn't sure if what she sent would convince him or not.

"I like the 'for now' part. Like you're afraid somethings going to go wrong later." Kanaya giggled.

"Well, you never know with my parents. I didn't really want to say that everything was ok and then talk to them tomorrow and everything not end up ok. Karkat would become suspicious." Feferi explained.

"Ok, point taken." Kanaya shrugged before leaning over to look at Feferi's phone. She'd gotten a text back from Karkat. "What's it say?"

"That's ok, and I'm glad everything seems to have gone well. I'll see you tomorrow then." Feferi looked up at Kanaya with a look that said 'and you were worrying' on her face.

"Ok, ok. Calm down, I know you won that trophy, so don't rub it in my face." Kanaya started motioning like she wanted Feferi to stop as she returned to a normal sitting position. "So how are you going to break it to him then? Texting him now probably isn't a good idea."

"No. And I didn't want to do it that way. He deserves to be told face-to-face." Feferi said. "I'm just afraid he'll get upset."

"Well, if you tell him the truth and he gets upset, then he's a really silly kid and needs to grow up. So I say, don't lie to him. Just tell him that you feel a little caged being with him, and you don't really think that you like him the way he likes you, so you don't want to give him the wrong impression. You think you'd be better off as friends. I'll be there if you need me, and I can handle him if he decides to get violent." Kanaya explained.

"I like how you word things, but I'm never going to be able to say it like that."

"You don't have to. That's what makes it better. When its your own words from your own heart. If you use my words then it just seems fake, and like you're trying to push it off on someone else instead of handling it yourself. Just be yourself and I'm sure things will work out. Yeah, knowing Karkat he's going to get upset, but that's for me to handle, not you. Ok?"

Feferi nodded. "Yeah. Ok. Thanks, your a wonderful friend you know?"

"Now text Terezi so she knows what's going on tomorrow and isn't...for lack of a better phrase, completely blinded by this."

"Oh har har. You're super funny with your dumb blind jokes." Feferi said, attempting to mimic Terezi's scratchy voice as she texted her. "Done. I told her not to tell Karkat, because I knew this was something I needed to deal with on my own, without the 'little bird.'"

"You know, she's making a bad name for herself if that's her nickname. How'd she even get that name?" Kanaya asked, laying down on her bed.

"Someone told her something, and then she proceeded to tell others, and thusly she became the little bird that told me." Feferi glared down at Kanaya, forcing her to blush and look away.

"Sorry. But to be fair, Karkat started that one. You should've just told us Gamzee was being mean to you." Kanaya returned her gaze to Feferi.

Feferi was looking down at Kanaya a little bewildered. So Karkat had really kept the secret. Well, half-heartedly. All the important stuff had been left out she supposed. It still hurt her knowing that they knew something had happened between her and Gamzee, but not exactly what. "What did Terezi tell you?"

"Mmmm." Kanaya looked to the ceiling, shaking her head and pursing her lips. "Just that you and Gamzee had kind of gotten into a squabble before Karkat got into his accident. Then it just kind of persisted afterwards until the cops got called. Karkat said he was worried that he was going to do something else, so he figured it was a good idea to tell us so we were ready to defend you if he did."

Feferi nodded. "I see. So he did tell you everything." Feferi was planning on going along with it, but something told her now was a good time to clear that up. "How good are you at keeping things from Terezi?"

"A lot better than she is at keeping things from me." Kanaya said. "So what really happened?"

"I like how you just seem to know." Feferi commented.

"Well, I figured it was linked to the story, since you'd got me to explain and now you want to know if I can keep things from all ears herself."

"Nice hearing joke. Is that a side effect of the blind ones?" Feferi cracked a smile. "Yeah. Its related." Kanaya turned on her side, propping her head in her hand as she looked to Feferi. Slowly, Feferi begain to explain everything that had happened since Gamzee had lead her across the street and Karkat had found them. When Karkat got hit by the car. And just as slowly as Feferi explained, the smile on Kanaya's face begain to fade, turning into one of fear and terror.

"You can't be serious. He did that? When poor Tav was around?" Kanaya asked horrified.

"Yeah. I feel so bad for Tavros, but they seem happy and I..." Feferi choked on a sob, letting her hands run to her face to hide the tears. "I don't want to ruin that."

"I understand. I guess we can just let that play out. Maybe karma will come back to get him and it'll break off on its own." Kanaya said. "I don't want to hurt Tav either, so you can count on me to keep that secret."

If Karma had ears, it probably heard what Kanaya had said and started to get ideas. It wouldn't be until the next day that the two girls would see just how sinister Karma could be to those with a weak heart.


	18. Chapter 18

Second period finally ended, signalling for one of the longer breaks during the day. It was only longer by 5 minutes, but that was long enough for kids to grab something to eat before they were forced to return to another boring lecture by another boring teacher. Mind you, Feferi enjoyed the lectures, the teachers, the classes. They all took her mind off of things, turning them to something a lot more simpler, something that would eventually go away. Plus, she figured if she kept her mind focused on the lesson, then she would get good grades and could eventually escape from this world. She could get a degree, get a good job, and never have to worry about her parents, about Gamzee or about school. This was one place she never wanted to go back to.

But the end of second period meant something else for her. It meant they were one class closer to lunch hour, which meant one class closer to the end of the day when she planned on telling Karkat. She hadn't wanted to ruin the rest of his day by telling him at lunch. Feferi sighed, turning around the corner and weaving through a throng of people until she got to her locker. Well, what was supposed to be Karkat's locker. He'd switched with her to keep her and Gamzee at a distance. Away from eachother. Separate. As Feferi worked on her lock, she looked in the direction of Karkat and Gamzee's lockers. Neither of them were there. She didn't find that odd. Karkat was a timely person, getting from one point to the other with time to spare just incase something happened. Gamzee sauntered along, so she was usually gone by the time he got to his locker. Feferi pulled the lock open, sliding it out of it place and opening up her locker, her eyes still locked on their lockers.

_BAM!_

Feferi jumped, a long arm suddenly blocking her view of the lockers. She could feel her blood turning to ice, her lungs slowly shutting down and her arms becoming weak as she turned to see who had scared the living daylights out of her. _Gamzee_. The one word bounced around in her head, echoing around like her brain were a hollow area meant for such a thing.

"Been a while eh?" The corner of his mouth twitched into a grin as he stared down at her. "Why don't we skip next period? Go do something a little more...entertaining?" He suggested, turning his head to the side slightly.

Feferi shook her head, turning back to her locker. "No thank you. I have a test next period and I'd really not like to have to explain why I missed it." She said, putting her books away before she started grabbing the books for her next class. "Thanks though." She gave him the best smile she could muster, hoping that he would just walk away and not start any trouble.

"Last I recalled, that wasn't really a yes or no question."

"So then it was rhetorical." Feferi commented, closing her locker. "But what would Tav say if he found out you forced me to go along with you?"

"Fef, listen. Just come with me and no one gets hurt." Gamzee's voice was becoming hard, irritated.

"So now you're threatening my friends?" Feferi was getting angry right back, whirling around on him like she was ready to attack, but he was on top of that.

"Listen to me." He spat, grabbing her wrist with his free hand, the other one bending so everything from his elbow to his wrist was against the locker. "Like I said, that wasn't a yes or no question. And I wasn't threatening your friends."

"Get the fuck off of her!" Feferi turned her head just in time to see Karkat's fist collide with Gamzee's face. The hallway immediatly dispersed. Kids ran from the area, others pressed themselves against the wall. "You sick fuck what do you thing you're doing now?"

"What do I think I'm doing?" Gamzee asked, rubbing at his face. He'd stumbled a good foot or two away from Feferi. "What do you think you're doing? Oh, that's right. You're her little boyfriend now aren't you? Come to defend her? Well, I don't think you're tough enough to defend a fly my friend." The grin he'd had on his face streched into a meanacing smile.

"Fef, come over here." Kanaya called from the wall of kids that had formed so they could watch the fight. Feferi obeyed, racing into the protective arms of her friend.

Gamzee made a move to catch up to Feferi, keep her from escaping to the safety she craved. That's what he wanted. He wanted her afraid, he wanted her to be weak, powerless, helpless.

"Karkat, he's-" Feferi started, voice paniced.

"Its ok. He'll be fine." Kanaya said just as Karkat's fist connected with Gamzee again, sending him into a locker. "See?" Feferi nodded frantically, like that would be enough to ensure his safety.

"Really? You're going to continue toying with me?" Gamzee asked.

"If that's what you call toying, then I'd like to see you actually fight back." Karkat insisted. "Come on. As if someone who preys on the weak and lies to his boyfriend could actually defend himself."

"I've never lied to Tav!" Gamzee roared.

"Then why haven't you told him?" Karkat yelled back. "Why haven't you told him that you raped a poor innocent girl at his house during his party?"

"What?" The sound of books hitting the floor echoed through the now silent hallway. The crowd parted to reveal Tavros standing horrified before them. Feferi burried her face into Kanaya's shoulder. So this was the karma she'd talked about. This was what was coming for Gamzee, but why did it have to involve Tav? Why did he have to hear it like this?

"You did what? At-at my-but-" Tavros begain looking around, unable to comprehend what was going on.

"Tav, I can explain." Gamzee started, but Tavros shook his head, eyes closed as tight as they would go to keep him from crying before he turned and bolted. "Tav!" He called, before glaring at Karkat. "You'll get what's coming to you."

Karkat chuckled. "Not before you do." Gamzee made a move like he was going to say or do something more, but decided against it and raced after Tavros.

Now that the action seemed over, kids started to murmer and start for their classes. And just in time, since the teachers had shown up. Karkat went over to Kanaya, who was now petting Feferi's head and cooing to her, trying to calm her down. "Are you ok?" Karkat asked. Feferi shook her head.

"Why did Tav have to get involved? Why did you have to say that? Why would you tell the entire school when I told you to keep it a secret?!" Feferi screamed. "I hate you! I hate you so much!" Feferi wriggled herself from Kanaya's grip, dropping her books as she shoved Karkat away. "We're done Karkat. I don't want to talk to you, so don't follow me." Feferi ran down the hallway. She needed to get away from him. Far enough away that he wouldn't follow her anymore. That ended up being the otherside of the school in a girls bathroom.

Feferi sighed, sitting up on the counter for the sinks, her head resting on the wall behind her. That's when she heard the sniffling. "Tav?" She asked, as if this were normal.

"W-wh-who's there?" He sniffled.

"Why are you in the girls bathroom?" Feferi inquired in a tired tone. She didn't really want to deal with this, but she would. She pushed off the counter and locked both doors so no one could get in.

"Is-is it tr-tr-true?" Feferi stopped in her tracks, looking towards the one closed stall out of the three in there. Did she tell him a lie so he would feel better?

"Yeah. I'm so sorry Tav." She felt her heart drop into her stomache, which then dropped to her feet as she returned to her spot on the counter. "Crying in a stall in the wrong bathroom isn't going to help any you know. Why don't you come sit with me?"

It was a moment before the stall door creaked open and Tavros emerged, a wad of toilet paper in his hand. Slowly, he moved to the opposite end of the counter and took a seat. "Why did he do it? Why didn't he tell me?"

Feferi rolled her head to look at him, shrugged, then looked back. "I suppose he felt bad about it, but to continue long after it was done was the wrong way to go. Mind you, Karkat was in the wrong too. He shouldn't have said what he did."

"Are you mad at him?"

"Oh, you better believe it." Feferi's voice raised an octave for a moment, then returned to normal. "I broke up with him. Not over that, but it was sooner than I'd planned. Our relationship was crumbling anyways."

"I don't think I'm dating Gamzee anymore either." Tavros admitted. "He's probably worried about me, but I don't care. I don't want to see him anymore."

Someone started knocking on the door, and the two fell quiet, hoping they'd leave. It started up again.

"Oh come on, I know you're in there. This is the only locked bathroom in the entire school, now let me in tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dumber." Feferi smiled at Terezi's voice but obeyed.

"Lock them behind you. We're having some girl bonding time." Feferi explained as she once again, returned to her seat. Terezi made a motion like she was mocking Feferi but did as she said, then sat on the floor so she was leaning against a stall.

"Ok. Now elaborate as to one, why there is a boy in here, and two, what you two are talking about." Terezi asked.

"Did you hear what happened in the hallway?" Feferi asked.

"Ah. So you're the girl." Terezi nodded solemly. "I see. So that's what Karkat had meant about Gamzee. I'm sorry Tav."

"Its ok. I'm over him."

"Yeah. Sure sounds like it." Terezi scoffed.

"Terezi!" Feferi was shocked by the size of this girls balls. "Please be a little bit more...curtious to our situation."

"Sorry. But incase we haven't noticed, I'm blind, so all I can hear is him sliffling over in the corner." Terezi waved an arm in his direction. "There's way too much lighting in here for you guys to get in its way. Even then, its awkwardly placed on the roof. I'd be surprised if I could find a toilet that I wouldn't fall in. Trust me, that's never nice."

"Noted." Feferi said, Tavros giggled a little.

"See? I can cheer him up. So, sounds like you were there too." Terezi said, deciding she needed to focus on Tavros.

Tavros nodded, then remembered that she couldn't see that. "Yeah. I think I came in at the wrong point. I was trying to get through to class when I heard that. Then it was like I was Noah and the sea was parting. And there was Gamzee looking shocked and Karkat looking mad, and I just couldn't handle it, so I ran somewhere Gamzee wouldn't be able to get to me."

"I see. And now you're probably mad at him. Are you mad at Feferi?" Terezi inquired. That was something Feferi hadn't thought about.

Tavros shook his head. "No. That wasn't her fault and I can understand why she wouldn't want to talk about something like that. I guess its a little different between boys and girls, but boys still get upset over those kind of things. But for girls? Well...I guess they feel pretty opressed when that kind of stuff happens. Its not quite the same."

"Do you want to hang out with us at lunch today then Tav?" Feferi asked. "Since...well...yeah."

"I'd like that, yeah." Tavros smiled.

"Good, so have you leaked yourself of all the mucus available today?" Terezi asked.

"I think so yeah."

"Good. Then I'll take you back to class. Feferi had better go too."

"You'll take me back?" Tavros asked jumping off the counter as Terezi got up. "Are you sure it wont be the other way around? Like I'll be escorting you to class?" Terezi rolled her eyes, unlocking the doors.

"As if. I could probably lead you around this place with my hands tied and my eyes closed." Terezi's voice begain to fade as they got beyond the second door.

But Feferi still felt aweful. Feferi still didn't know if she could handle going back to class. But back to class is where she would go. She needed to apologise to someone she'd ran off on by accident.


	19. Chapter 19

Class ended up not happening for Feferi. Instead, she wandered the halls, attempting to avoid her classroom and any wandering teachers as best she could. The last thing she needed was for someone to question her and her not having a valid response. What would they say if they found her on the other side of the school with the excuse 'I had to go to the bathroom?' Probably escort her to the last place she wanted to be. Eventually, Feferi decided to go out into the courtyard, stuck right in the middle of the school, but open to all the weather could offer. She liked it. Though you were still technically in school, you were outside.

"Fef?" The voice made Feferi grip the marble bench she was sitting on tightly, focus her eyes to the ground.

"What." She said flatly, trying to sound more angry than upset.

"I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have lashed out on him like that, but you looked so scared and I..." Karkat's voice trailed off momentarily before he found it again. "Why?"

Now it was Feferi's turn to remain quiet for a moment while she searched for her voice. "I just...feel like we're not really a thing. You feel more like an older brother to me, and I think I'd rather that we just be friends." Feferi pulled her feet up onto the bench, pulling her knees close to her so she could wrap her arms around them. "I'm sorry if you hate me because of it, but I couldn't continue lying to you like that. You deserve better."

"Damn straight I do." Karkat belted. "I mean, yeah I'm pissed beyond comprehension, but at least you have the balls to admit it, and you look fairly upset by it, but still."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I guess I'm not mature enough to figure out my own emotions without getting someone else involved. I'm so sorry." Feferi started to cry, her voice beginning to betray her as tears threatened to destroy the words she was trying so desperatly to get out. This was the last thing she'd wanted. "I just wanted someone to be there and make me feel like I was okay, but I'm not Karkat, I'm not."

Karkat wandered over to Feferi, taking a seat beside her. He was hesitant at first, but wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. "I know. I'm sorry too. To be honest, I'm so fucking mad right now, I'm not sure what to think, but I can tell you one thing; I've always wanted to make sure that kid could never harm you again. Not even just to poke fun at you."

"I know."

"No you don't know Fef! You run off to that Ryuu guys house instead of mine when your family was fighting, then you go over to Kanaya's house!" Karkat started. Feferi opened her mouth to not only ask how Karkat knew she'd gone over to Kanaya's but to also defend her reasoning for it when he stopped her. "Don't even try Feferi. You told me you'd tell me the next time and you didn't."

"Karkat stop! Just stop. You're not even giving me time to explain why I was over at Kanaya's. You're just jumping to conclusions." Feferi was on her feet now, stepping away from Karkat. "See this is one reason why I broke up with you. You're way too hot headed. You never stop to see why someone has done something, you just bust in there head first, guns blazing. I went over to Kanaya's house because I had female problems that her and I needed to deal with, not you and I. Remember me saying unless it was female related Karkat? Hmm?"

"What's going on in here?" Ryuu had peeked his head into the courtyard area after hearing the mild uproar. "Are you two alright."

"Why the fuck does it matter to you? Oh that's right. You and Fef are in some sort of relationship now. Don't worry Fef, I totally understand why you broke up with me, you don't need to explain." Karkat snarled, heading for the exit Ryuu was blocking. It was the only way in or out, so it wasn't like he had a choice.

"Whoa. Wait a second, you have the wrong idea. If this is about her having stayed at my house one night, I can explain. Nothing happened she just kinda wandered there." Ryuu started.

"Sure. That's what you want me to fucking believe just get the fuck out of my face." Karkat said, shoving Ryuu in the process.

Ryuu shoved Karkat right back. "You think this is all about you? Well I've got news for you. Its kinda bad when a girlfriend can't even trust her own boyfriend isn't it? Its kinda sad when she has to go to her friends cousin to seek some sort of refuge."

"I said get out of my fucking face, fuck face." Karkat screamed, punching Ryuu in the face.

"Stop it you two!" Feferi yelled, hoping it would stop them. All Karkat had done that day was fight, and for what? Because of her? Because he thought it was protecting her?

"Why can't you calm down long enough to hear a proper explination huh? Why can't you be calm Karkat?" Ryuu spat. He lunged at Karkat, throwing him against the wall before he started wailing on him. This was one thing Feferi had never imagined Ryuu being capable of. Why did guys always like to fight? What was the point of it?

Karkat easily shoved Ryuu off of him. In his blind rage he'd pressed Ryuu against the door before punching him again in the face. Only this time Ryuu's face went through the glass window, Karkat's hand following closly. Ryuu turned, clutching at the broken window frame with one hand while the other tenderly covered his face. Karkat backed off, nursing his injured hand as Ryuu finally fell to his knees, one hand still over his face while the other clutched at his wrist.

"Fuck man, I-I'm sorry! I didn't-" Karkat stammered.

"Fuck off Karkat. Do you see what happens when you let your rage get to you? Shit." Ryuu cursed, trying to keep from pressing any shards of glass into his face.

Feferi stood there a little shocked for a moment. What had just happened? Had they seriously finished their fight that quickly? Her thoughts collected themself just long enough for her to dial 9-1-1 and get an ambulance. "Karkat why would you?" Feferi finally asked when she'd gotten off the phone. "I don't..."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I just don't know what got over me." Karkat had finally broken down, bringing his knees to his chest as he let his head fall on top of his knees, hands wrapped around them, his injured one hanging in the air. Feferi could see shards of glass glinting in the light. He wasn't going to like his visit to the hospital.

"What ever just...dont do it again please? You're my friend Karkat, and I can't stand seeing you hurt my friends anymore." Feferi went over to Ryuu, kneeling down so she could lightly grab at his hand. "Let me see?" The look on her face was full of worry, but she tried to hide it with a smile so he wouldn't worry. But once she saw his face, she couldn't hide it anymore and he quickly covered it up. She blinked a couple times, trying to regain her composure. "Ok...uhm...you'll be fine just...god Karkat."

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><p>Feferi went with the two boys to the hospital. Karkat recieved a few stitches on his hands from where the bigger shards of glass had stuck, but Ryuu ended up with the worst of it. He'd recieved the most stitches, and was told most of them would scar. He'd have those marks for the rest of his life, a reminder of what had happened. One ran right across his left cheek, arcing its way across his nose to end just over the ridge. Another just on his jawline and one along his ear. His brow had also been sliced open in the process.<p>

"Damn man. You look worse than me." Karkat teased.

"Geeze I wonder why. Could it be that you'd punched my face into a window?" Ryuu shot back, but his voice was full of venom even though it was said in a teasing manner.

"Sorry bout that. But think about it this way; if I'd managed to punch you with enough force to break the window, imagine what your face would be like if it'd been a brick wall instead?" Karkat offered. Ryuu thought about this for a while before he finally nodded.

"Alright. You're forgiven. For now. We need to have some serious bro-bonding time so we can get your temper under control. Two fights in one day?" Ryuu shook his head at Karkat.

"Well one of them was some what ok. I suppose."

"Not when you concider the consequences it held." Feferi pipped up. "You made me mad. You told pretty much the entire school what had happened, and you broke Tavros's heart. We already know he's like the tin man from The Wizard of Oz, there's no reason to take what's left of him."

Karkat's face looked mortified as he let that sink in. "I didn't...I didn't think he was around."

"You noticed when he spoke. You don't remember?" Feferi asked. Karkat shook his head. "Maybe it was the rage. It just blocked out everything and you only remember the fight? Well...Terezi and I found him in the bathroom. He was crying his heart out and I felt so bad for him. Like, what did he do to deserve a boyfriend like that? What did he do to deserve finding out like that? And what happens if they never make up and he just ends up with assholes his entire life?"

"You're doing a fantastic job on making me feel like a royal fuck up there Fef." Karkat groaned.

"Aren't you though?" Feferi teased. "My point is, I don't know how to fix that part of the problem. I don't know how to fix it for Tav, because that wasn't his problem. He was just kind of an additive that got dragged into it. He wasn't exactly part of the situation, but in a way he was, and I feel horrible for it. I feel like I should've been able to do something to fix it. To keep him from ever having to feel the way he does now. I wanted him to have that happily-ever-after with Gamzee but now..." Feferi shook her head.

"You can't save everyone from things that are beyond your control you know." Ryuu tried soothing her, but he wasn't sure it would work. "Trust me. I don't think I would've know what to do to make you feel better if you'd told me what had transpired between you and Gamzee when you were at my house. In my eyes, I wouldn't have been able to make it better simply because I was a guy, and I would've thought you'd be afraid I would try to do something if I'd known. And I know that's a biased opinion, but I'm trying to think from your perspective. I understand you were hurt, and sometimes hurt brings along fear."

"Yeah. I probably would've been terrified and left if I'd ended up telling you. Even if you ended up acting really awkward, deep down I think I would've been afraid. But I know better now. I know that in the end, there are a few people I can trust to help me out."

"Did you ever apply for that Dance class?" Karkat asked. "It might be a good outlet for you. You know...let off some steam? Become a little bit more confident in yourself?"

"No. But I don't think I want to anymore. What will the other girls think?"

"Who cares what they think Fef! Just do it."

"I have to agree with Karkat. If its something you want to do, then just do it. No one should be able to tell you, you can't because of something that happened in your past. If you don't like it by the end of the year, then don't go into it next year." Ryuu said. "I know its something you want to do. You held onto the paper for so long. Just get it signed and hand it it."

"But I only have until the end of the week." Feferi said. "I have until tomorrow and I haven't even talked to my parents. What happens if I cant get them to sign it tonight?" Feferi could feel something welling up inside her. Hurt? Sorrow?

"I'll grab an extra one. Just tell me you moms name and I'll have my mom fill everything out and I'll bring it to school tomorrow. Then if you cant get your mom or dad to fill it out, then you have that extra copy right?" Ryuu offered.

"Oh sure. Be the hero Ryuu." Karkat snivelled.

"I didn't hear you offering." Ryuu shot back smugly.

"Guys seriously, stop. And thank you Ryuu. Its probably better if your mom does it anyways. I doubt she'll ask questions about it, unlike Karkat's mom." Feferi gave Karkat an apologetic smile and he just shrugged.

"I suppose you're right there. Mum would just ask me why I'm getting this filled out for you instead of your mom and a few other things. But one question; doesn't one of your parents have to attend the auditioning process? If you cant get your mom or dad to sign it, then how is that going to work?" Karkat raised a brow at the two, as if he were egging them on to think of something.

Feferi looked at Ryuu. Karkat was right. What was she going to do if she couldn't get one of her parents to come? "Wait...who's dad do we know that could come in place of mine? The school doesn't know about my dad right now. I could say that my mum signed it because she'd been the only one home at the time, but she had to be at work during the auditions so my dad came instead. Its perfect!"

"Well you're not getting my dad." Karkat said. "He is nothing like you, or your family. They'll be suspicious."

"And mine...well we know what's up with mine."

"What about Terezi? Or Kanaya? We can ask them can't we?"

Karkat mulled this over, tilting his head from side to side.

"Well Terezi's wont work. He's away on a business trip." Ryuu said. "Sorry."

"Ok, so Kanaya." Karkat pondered a little more. "Well...he's kind of...stuck up lets just say that much. What about Tavros? Do you think they know his dad? We could ask him if he'd help us out?"

"Alright, I'll ask Tavros and Kanaya. Just incase." Feferi said. "We're doing this guys. We're making it happen."

"What's all this 'we' talk for?" Ryuu asked, raising a brow. "I thought you were the only one entering dance class?"

"But you guys are helping me get into it." Feferi pointed out.

And that was exactly what they were planning to do. Get her into that class wether it cost her a parent or two.


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry its such a short chapter, but my hiatus is over! I promise the next chapters will be longer. Also working on another fanfiction at the moment, but all my current works will be updated before that one is even thought of. A Devil's Game shall be updated next!**

* * *

><p>"Mum?" Feferi asked timidly, the piece of paper destined for her mother in her hands. She'd grabbed two extra's, one for Kanaya or Terezi and one for Ryuu. Who knew, things might end up working out better than she hoped, and if she could get a few of them filled out then she'd have that extra back up. This was the first time Feferi had been home in a while, and so she didn't dare go further than the door. This time there was someone home. She heard their footsteps before she saw them, but it wasn't her mother, it was her sister.<p>

"Fef!" Lizzy screamed, throwing her arms around her sister. "Oh God I thought you were dead I missed you so much." She said, burrying her face into her sisters shoulder.

Feferi gave her an awkward tap on the shoulder before she returned the hug. "Didn't you get any of my texts? Or the note?" She asked, holding Lizzy out at arms length.

Lizzy shook her head, wiping at invisible tears. "I don't have a phone anymore. Dad threw it at a wall and smashed it to bits. Mum tried to fix it, but..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "I came home yesterday. There wasn't a note, so either we missed eachother or someone got to it before me."

Feferi nodded her head. "Where are mom and dad now? Have you seen them since getting home?" Feferi asked.

"Yeah. They haven't been looking for you if that's what you're wondering. Don't get me wrong, when dad goes to bed or isn't at home, that's all mums ever been talking about. She wanted to call all of your friends to find out where you were, but she was afraid dad would f-shit dad." Lizzy cursed, turning and walking away from her sister.

"What? Lizzy what's wrong? What about dad?" Feferi's voice rose a little. "Did he do something? Did he hurt you?"

"Dad's pissed at you. He took it out on mom. She's in the hospital right now and dad's on the run because I called the cop. Smacked my head against the table to try and keep me quiet." Lizzy moved her head, revealing a long star from her hairling to her ear, just avoiding her eye brow. It was all stitched up. Feferi winced at it. "But of course, it was too late. I'd already told them what they needed to know and they were on their way."

"But what about mom? How is she? Can we go see her?" Feferi asked, turning towards the door to leave.

"Not right now. She's been fading in and out of coma because of the head trama. The doctors think they may need to put her into a medical induced one until her brain heals enough to keep her awake. They're giving her until tomorrow evening to prove she can stay awake longer than half an hour bursts. So they didn't want her to have any visitors. The last thing they needed was for her to panic or vise versa." Lizzy explained. "They're waiting until we are done school tomorrow so we can go and see her one last time incase they feel its necissary, so tomorrow you can see her."

Feferi looked around, a little bewildered. So dad was on the run, mum was in the hospital not doing so well and tomorrow was when she was auditioning for dance. So many things were wrong with this picture right now. So many things. Feferi lowered herself to the ground to sit down, trying to process things. What was going to happen to them if they're mother was put into coma? What if their dad returned home? "So if mom is put into coma?" Feferi asked, deciding this was the most important question needing answers.

"Grandma and Grandpa said they'd look after us. If that means the house has to be sold and everything moved out to the farm, then that's how its going to happen. Dad doesn't know where they live, so don't worry about that." Feferi sucked in her bottom lip, chewing on it as she looked at the floor. She didn't like that idea. Sure, they could still go to the same school, but she wouldn't be able to hang out with her friends as often and things would be a lot different.

"Ok. Uhm...I think I need to go to bed...to...uhm process things. I just-" Feferi squinted and shook her head. She was in too much shock for this.

"Yeah. You do that. I'm locking the doors and windows just incase." Lizzy said as Feferi got up and walked to her room.

As she climbed the stairs she pulled out her phone and messaged Kanaya and Terezi.

_)(ey, do me a favour and make sure to get that form signed ok? If you cant do it, make sure Kan or Terezi get it before tomorrow. Im sending this to both of you incase your wondering_

Then she sent one to Ryuu and Karkat. Karkat deserved to know.

_)(ey, keep this on the down low, but Lizzy is ok, dad is on the run and mum is in the hospital. May end up having to move to grandparents house._

Kanaya was the first to respond.

_Don't Worry. I've Already Gotten My Mother To Sign It, Stating It Was A Matter Of Utter Importance, And Got My Father To Agree To Attend, So Long As I Am There With Him. That Was His One Condition._

_Ok. Thanks Kanaya your a lifesaver!_

_Of Course. I'm Assuming By The Urgency Of The Text That Something New Has Developed In The Wonderful Life And Times Of Feferi?_

_I cant hide anyfin from you can I?_

_Adding Fish Puns To This? Wonderful. And No, Of Course Not._

_Well, to put things short and sweet, mums in the hospital and dads on the run. No more questions I will explain tomorrow._

_Fair Enough. Give Your Mother My Regards._

_Will do, thanks again._

Feferi closed her phone, sprawling out on her bed, eyes trained on the ceiling. Slowly, things were beginning to sink in. Her mother was in the hospital, in a horrible state, her dad was on the run, and her and her sister were looking at having to move into their grandparents house. There was so much that she didn't understand. What had dad done to mom? Where had Lizzy been all that time? Was mom going to live? How long were they going to have to stay at their grandparents house? What would happen to all of their things? At the moment, the last thing on her mind was of the dance rehersal she had. The last thing on her mind was making up a short routine to show as her audition. Was it her fault her mother was hurt? Or had this been in the works for longer than she'd imagined.

Slowly, Feferi curled into a ball, phone clenched tightly in her hands. There were so many things she needed to fix in this world. She needed to fix Tavros, fix the relationship him and Gamzee once had. Fix the relationship her and Gamzee had. Fix who she was, what her backbone was made of. Fix her relationship with her friends. But most importantly, she needed to fix what she'd done to herself, all the pain and mysery she'd caused, that had fixed nothing. Just made them worse. Feferi moved her arm slightly so she could see the small white lines that laced her arms. These were but mere reminders of her sins, little flickers that would go un-noticed. But she wondered about the ones on her legs, that never got the chance to fully heal. They represented her, something that was seen, interacted with, but covered up. While you saw the surface, you never saw what was underneith. Underneith her clothes were scars. Underneith her skin was pain.

Feferi chuckled at herself a little. "I suppose I should start with myself huh?" She questioned herself. "Fix what created this mess." A small smile spread on her face. In the midst of all the confusion, all the pain, she'd managed to find a small spark in the darkness, and she would turn it into a fire. A flame that burned in the heat of passion.


	21. Chapter 21

The next day was the most important of Feferi's life. She had nothing for the Dance Auditions, and she needed to put in motion her plan to fix what she'd broke. This was something she would take responsibility for, even if it proved to not all be her fault. Slowly, she inhaled a deep breath, eyes closed, letting the air raise her up, then crumple her as she exhaled. Feferi's eyes slid open, taking in the condition of her room. She'd pretty much destroyed it trying to figure out how to reinvent it. To change it into something new so she could start over. The curtain was hanging from one end, having escaped a hinge during the down pour. Clothes littered her floor, drawers hung out of their confinements, left open. The only thing that seemed some what organized was her bed, having only been tempered by her restless sleep. No matter how many times she awoke, she always slipped back into the same dream. One where her dad had returned home, mother in tow. But she was far from being strong enough to come home. Just weak and fragile looking in her fathers angered grip as he tore through the house. Then she was alone. No lizzy. No parents. No friends. Nothing. Just her in this giant house, all alone.

Feferi's eyes swept across her room one last time before looking at the clock. She didn't have much time before she would have to eat something, pack her lunch and head off to school, so instead she set her room straight. For now. Tomorrow was the weekend, and she had all the time in the world to ponder how she would change her room, and put it into motion. Until then, she needed to concentrate on the dance she would perform. She knew she didn't have enough time to make something up, so she was just going to wing it, hope that everything worked out.

When her room was back in an organized state, she pounded down the stairs and got to work fixing her breakfast and lunch. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't heard Lizzy get up yet. "Lizzy?" Feferi calls, stopping in the middle of her preperation. She waits, silently listening for a reply, but none comes. "Maybe I just didn't hear her." Feferi tells herself, wandering over to the bathroom. The doors wide open, but she still pokes her head in to check. Not there. Not in the living room. It doesn't even look like its been disturbed since her parents had been home. The window got boarded up though, since it got smashed and she doubted they had money to replace it at the moment. That left only one place. She must still be sleeping.

Feferi bounds up the stairs, knowing that she only has so long to wake and ready her sister before they have to go to school. At the top, she stops at her sisters door and raps on it a couple times. "Lizzy?" She calls as she opens the door. Low and behold her sister is still laying in bed, covers pulled up to her neck. "Lizzy c'mon. We're going to be late. Its time you get up." Feferi says, flicking the light on. She doesn't even flinch. Maybe she stayed up late, but that didn't excuse her from missing school. With a sigh, Feferi goes over to her sister and tries shaking her away. "Lizzy?" Now she sounds a little concerned. Usually one of these woke her sister up right away, but not this time. Instantly she fears the worse and checks her sisters vitals. She's still alive...so what's going on? That's when the scar flashes in her mind. Quickly, Feferi turns her sister onto her back so she can get a look at her face. The scar still looks the same. No bleeding, nothing. That leaves only one choice; continue trying a couple more times before she calls the ambulance. "Lizzy! This isn't funny wake up!" Feferi yells, shaking her sister a little harder. Still she lays silently. Now her heart rate is going like mad and she picks up the phone and dials 9-1-1.

_"Hello, 9-1-1, what's your emergency?"_ The lady on the other end asks the moment the phone picks up.

"Its my sister. She wont wake up." Feferi says, attempting to stay calm. The other end stays quiet for a moment, almost as if the operator is processing this.

_"She wont wake up? How long has she been asleep?"_ The lady asks, sounding a little skeptical.

"I don't know. She was still up when I went to bed around ten last night. I've tried waking her up but nothing seems to be working. Why wont she wake up?" Feferi's starting to panic. What if her sister was dead, and this was what dead people did in their sleep? Feined being alive until their body finally shut down?

_"Has she suffered any head trama recently? Where are you, I'll send an ambulance."_ The lady seems to be taking her seriously now.

"No. I-I don't...wait yes! My dad threw her into a table yesterday. She has this long scar from her hairline to her ear." Feferi says before giving the lady her address. Its only a matter of minutes before they're knocking on the door and Feferi is running to meet them. She pleads to go, but they inform her its better she doesn't, but asks for a contact number, and gives them hers.

They were right though. This wasn't helping her fix herself, only making it worse. She needed to go to school today. "I'll check on her at lunch. I can do that. Its just down the street." Feferi tells herself in an attempt to reassure herself. When the team has left, sirens died down, she finishes packing her lunch and looks at the cereal she's started preparing for herself. With a groan, she throws it on the counter and grabs an apple out of the fridge. Better to eat and walk so she cant sit and ponder about this. She needs to focus on the other things happening today.

When she arrives, the first thing she does is track down Kanaya.

"Something is troubling you." Kanaya's infinate wisdom never lets her down. "Tell me what is weighing your mind."

"My sister wouldn't wake up this morning. The medics took her to the hospital." Feferi says. "Mum's there too. Dad's on the run."

Kanaya stares at Feferi a moment, before slowly nodding her head. "So from your texts from last night, I've gathered that exactly one more thing has happened. Care to piece them together for me?"

"Well, from what Lizzy told me, dad's mad at me, and he took it out on my mother. Lizzy tried to stop him, and he threw her against a table. She's got this long mark across her face." Feferi explains, tracing where the scar runs down her sisters face. "Everything's just falling apart for me."

"Not yet. Its just testing you. Speaking of, I think if you pass this one," Kanaya holds up the signed form she got for Feferi. "you'll be able to prove life that its not winning, and it'll start to leave you alone." A small smile perks up on Kanaya's face, as if she believes this is the cure to all Feferi's miseries.

Feferi nods. "You're right. This is what I've been waiting for. This is what I came here to do today." With that, she takes the paper and runs to the office. Instantly, the office is upon her.

"Ah. So you're mother will be attending?" The receptionist asks. She must know something about the Rehersals.

"No. My mothers in the hospital. She had a bit of a panic attack yesterday, so they're keeping her a couple days to figure out what triggered it and get her on some medication to control it." Mostly a lie, but part of it was true. "So my father is going to come instead. She intended to come though, that's why she signed it." Feferi points towards the signature, as if that's all the proof she needs.

The receptionist conciders this a moment before nodding and turning away. At first, Feferi assumes this is all she needs and looks around a little confused, but the lady is thumbing through a pile of sheets before pulling one out and returning to Feferi. "This is where you go, and what time you are to audition. This is the time you are allowed to be there to warm up, get changed, do what ever you need to ready yourself for the auditon. Now, make sure to keep this. They'll just call the number on it, so you have to attatch it, this side out, so that they know you are auditioning." The receptionist turns the paper over, revealing the number 314. Surely that's not how many girls have auditioned, which means they've just thrown random numbers together to keep people from sneaking in.

Feferi runs back to Kanaya, a smile on her face. Already she knows Feferi has gotten at least into the audition. "So, when is it?" Kanaya asks. She hadn't even bothered to really pay attention, so she looks.

"Four. There must already be a few ahead of me if I'm so late after school." Feferi says. "But I can be there half an hour early to get ready and stuff."

"Might as well just hang around after school then. If someone doesn't show up, then you'll go sooner. At least you're at four though. There are a lot of people auditioning, so if you think about it, that's a good time." Kanaya points out. "Do you have a change of clothes?"

"I was just going to use my gym strip. I am winging it after all." Feferi replies. "I didn't really have time to try and think of something."

Kanaya conciders this for a moment. "Do you at least have a song picked out?" Feferi shakes her head. Of all the things, this was one she hadn't thought of. "Leave that to me. I'll spend all day creating a play list of songs I think you could pull off, and let you have a listen to them before you go up." Kanaya's smiling so wide, Feferi can't refuse the offer.

"At lunch I'm going to see how my sister is doing, so I wont be able to listen to them then. We'll have to either wait until after school, or you'll have to let me borrow your ipod after lunch." Feferi explains.

"I can do either, but I will keep that in mind. If I complete my list before lunch, I will allow you to borrow it, and you can listen to some of them on the way to the Hospital, and on the way back." Kanaya says. "Then you can pick out your favourites and maybe we can start piecing something together before your audition."

Feferi liked that idea. In a way, it was better if she had something rather than nothing at all. Even bits and pieces of a dance would be easier to wing than the entire thing, and she was sure if she winged the whole thing they would know and never choose her. Unless she managed a good dance. That'd be a feat though.

Lunch couldn't have come quicker. The entire day was spent worrying about wether or not her phone would go off in class, about if she would be able to answer it or convince the teachers she needed it. It never did though. That's what made it seem longer. Was she ok? Was that why they never called? Or was she infact dead and they didn't want to worry her? Kanaya passed off her ipod while they were at their lockers, and then Feferi was off. Kanaya had managed to find twenty songs for Feferi to listen to. Obviously far too many for the short walk to and from the Hospital, so she would take it with her to class to preview the rest.

Fortunatly, Lizzy was ok, but she was prohibited from visiting. She'd slipped into a minor coma from the head trama, and they expected her to wake in a couple weeks. Instead, she sought out her mother, who was awake, but slightly disoriented when she arrived.

"Mum?" Feferi asked, standing at the doorway to her mothers room. For a moment, her mother looked confused, but recognition quickly replaced that.

"Feferi!" Her mother cried, propelling Feferi into her mothers arms. "I've missed you so much. I was so worried! Where were you?"

"I was over at a friends house. I was afraid if I called or something dad would come get me, so I stayed quiet. What about you? Are you ok? What happened?" Feferi was quick to dismiss the topic about her, instead wanting to know what happened. To fill in some blanks.

Her mother smiled, shaking her head slightly. She had a butterfly bandage on her forehead, which meant something had hit her, and her arm was bandaged up, but that was all she could see over the blanket, besides the IV in her arm. "Your dad blames me for your behaviour. Took it out on me. But I'm fine really. Apparently I slept for a couple days, so they're keeping me to make sure I'm ok and wont have a relapse." This made Feferi feel better. She wasn't as bad as everyone made it sound. "Did Lizzy not want to come and visit?" The simple question made Feferi's stomache drop. But she couldn't lie. Not to her mom.

"She's here. In the Hospital. They're keeping her because she slipped into a coma last night. From the head injury." Feferi points to her head so her mom knows.

"Is she going to be ok?" Now her mom sounds frantic and Feferi is quick to make sure she stays in bed.

"They said she is. That is just a minor one and she'll wake up in a couple weeks. It was from the head trama. I think if I would've known, we could've made sure that this wouldn't have happened. But I think they didn't even know either." Feferi explains. "They have my number, so if anything happens to them I'll make sure to let you know. And I can ask them to keep you updated too."

"That would be nice. I should've never let your father come back." Her mom looked away, obviously upset with herself.

"Its ok mom. You thought things would be different. We all did. You didn't know." Feferi says, holding her mothers hand. "We have the house all locked up, so he wont be able to come back. Lizzy told me the cops are out looking for him, so I doubt he'll come back anyways."

"Good. I hope he never does. We'll move if he does." She says this with such conviction, even Feferi cannot argue.

"Well, I just wanted to check up on everyone. I should return to school."

"Ok. Have a good day. Will you come visit me after school?"

"I have an audition after school, but I'll come as soon as I'm done that. Who knows, maybe I'll know how I did?" Feferi beams, getting up. She waves good bye and returns to school.

Even if it didn't go the way she planned, she cant help but feel a little better about the day. And with one thing out of her way, she turns to face the next. The one that will determine how quickly she can piece herself together.


	22. Chapter 22

"Just breathe, you'll do great." Kanaya coaxed, rubbing at Feferi's shoulders as she mentally went over the moved that had been racing through her head since she'd stumbled upon the song in Kanaya's playlist.

"What if they don't like me?" Feferi asked, looking over her shoulder at her friend. Kanaya stayed quiet a moment, processing both answers she could give. She could give a half truthful answer and say they'll love her, or give her the truth of what they could do if they didn't.

"I believe they will concider you." She said carefully. "If they don't like you this year, you can always try again next year. You'll have the knowledge gained from this experience to help secure you a place for next year. You'll know what they are looking for, and have an entire year to work on a routine that will blow them out of the water. They'll want you on a pedistal then."

Feferi smiled. "Thanks. I'm gonna try running through the routine a couple times before I'm called up."

Feferi was the twentieth person to go. She'd assumed this when they'd started calling numbers close to one hundred. Eighty-two, Ninety-eight. She was sure she would be around the twentieth person to go. At least, that's what she hoped. They'd started auditions during last period. If your audition was during that period, you'd ben excused from that class, and during the last half our of the class before hand. Feferi was glad her's was after school. That gave her time to plan out part of a routine, as well as show up right after school to see some of the routines being presented. Some of them were fabulous, which only made her more nervous. But maybe she could take some of their idea's and be accepted?

Feferi started off with stretching. It was simple and no one would laugh at her if her routine sucked before she even got on stage to present. It wasn't simple though. The words kept running through her head, and after doing a very minor warm up, she was timidly going through her dance, making sure that she had some of the moves down. She had to face it. This was probably going to be the worst dance they'd ever seen. They'd dismiss her without batting an eyelash at her. They'd never call her back. Not even hint that she might be accepted into the class. "Don't think like that." She told herself. "Don't do anything you can't handle. Just do what you know you can do."

The beginning was what she was having problems with. Dancing to words proved to me much easier than dancing to simple drum beats. Feferi focused her attention on this. If she could figure out something for the beginning, then she was sure she would be accepted. She tapped her foot against the ground while moving her head in the same manner, eyes closed as she tried to think of something. Why did she have to start standing? Or even straight? She could create some sort of pose that she worked her way out of. A smile streched across her face. Kanaya noticed and gave her a thumbs up. All it took was a little bit of thought and something fantastic could bloom out of it.

"Number Four-Thirteen." Feferi froze. Was that her number? She looked down quickly to check. That was her number. Suddenly she felt numb, but she still managed to get her voice to work.

"Here!" She called, forcing her body to move.

"What are you going to be dancing to?" There were two judges, and the female of the two was speaking to her. Feferi pressed her lips together, playing with her fingers. She hadn't even thought to memorize the name of the song for this.

"Uhm..." Her eyes looked over to Kanaya who grabbed her Ipod and looked at the song currently on pause. She raced over with it and handed it to Feferi.

"Almost forgot your music. Its Dark in My Imagination by Verona." Kanaya smiled at the judges. "She gets a little stage fright until you mention something she knows for a fact." Kanaya smiled at Feferi before rushing off stage. Feferi nodded, gaining some ground.

"That's right. The song I'm dancing to is called Dark in My Imagination. Its performed by Verona. I have it on my Ipod though. Is that ok?" Feferi asked, feeling that little bit of courage she'd mustered up beginning to die.

"That's perfectly fine. May I?" The man asked, extending his hand to take the Ipod. Feferi handed it over.

"Its already on the song. You just have to start it over." She explained. He nodded and replaced the headphones with a new cord, then set the ipod down on his desk, resetting the song and hitting pause. "When ever you are ready."

Feferi took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she exhaled. Beginning position. All she needed to do, was start in that, and work her way through what she knew. Move around the stage. Do leaps. Have a moment on the ground. She'd be golden if she could get all that down. Feferi took center stage, head down in second position. The music started.

Feferi raised her hands, the in time to the beats, pressed them out like there was glass in front of her. Moving them along with the beat, looking at each of them before turning and changing the mimicing of the beat to her feet and hands. The singing started, and back still turned, she pleaed and looked over her shoulder, before using her shoulder to lead her around. Her head turned to look at the crowd in a jagged motion. Almost as if a film was skipping and this was what you were seeing. Feferi walked to the left, moving her hands to her hair where she grabbed it before throwing her hands back down. She turned, then extended her right arm out, while bringing her left leg up, then shauceing to the right. Feferi was beginning to like this. They hadn't told her to stop and get off their stage, that she was an embarassment.

By the time her dance was done, she was panting hard, but she still stood tall to hear their verdict. Of course, they wouldn't learn today if they were in, but wether or not they were being concidered. Both judges remained quiet for a moment, staring down at a sheet in front of them before looking at eachothers to compare scores. Feferi begain to get worried. Maybe they were still going to tell her no, and she would go home crying.

"We would like to see you back. Monday right after school, come here. We will have a routine made up. Your acceptance will be based on how well you memorize and perform the routine." The female explained. Feferi swore she went deaf for a moment and was only hearing what she wanted until the man too spoke up.

"Thank you very much for the performance. See you on Monday." He held out Kanaya's Ipod. Hesitantly she took it, nodding. Unsure of what to say. How was she supposed to respond? It wasn't until she was in Kanaya's arms that she melted.

"Oh my gosh, that was fantastic! I thought you didn't have a routine made up?" Kanaya sounded excited. More excited than Feferi felt at the moment.

"I-I didn't. I just made that up today." Feferi was still in shock. "Did they really like it?"

"They loved it! I'll come with you on Monday for moral support! Even my dad liked it." Her dad? Oh right. Feferi had completely forgotten that he was here. All the parents were supposed to come for this. How could she have forgotten?

Feferi went straight to the hospital after her audition, gushing all about it to her mother. Her mother wished she could've been there to see it, and Feferi promised to try and re-inact it when she was better. Or to make it better and give her a private show. Neither of them had heard more on Lizzy's condition, but they assumed this meant things hadn't changed. That she was still ok, just in a really heavy sleep. At least, that's how Feferi liked to imagine it. Everytime the word 'coma' passed through her head, she just thought of someone who would never wake up.

"Don't go home tonight sweetie. I don't want you in that house alone." Her mother whispered.

"Where am I supposed to go then?" Feferi asked. "Grandma and Grandpa live too far away for me to go there."

"How about a friends house?" Her mother offered.

"How about I go home tonight, keep all the doors and windows locked tight, and starting tomorrow until you are better, I stay at a friends house?" Feferi countered, though it was still a question. "I promise not to answer the door no matter who it is. I'll keep the house phone on me at all times, that way if something does happen I can dial 9-1-1."

"Ok. But promise me you'll tell me where you are staying and the phone number when you find out?" Her mother asked.

"Of course. Every time I end up having to go to a new friends house, I'll make sure to drop by and give you all their information." Feferi smiled, then bent down and kissed her mothers forehead. "I'd better be off now. I should get home before it gets dark."

"Be safe honey. Good night."

"Night mom."

The best day of her life, was officially over. But she still had better days to look forward to, and she wondered if she'd be able to get any sleep tonight because of it.


	23. Chapter 23

Monday came quicker than she anticipated. All weekend she'd been excited about this, gushing about it with Kanaya. But now she was worried. What if she was no good at it? What if everyone else was better than her, and they'd chosen her by mistake? What if she got there and they didn't even want her there? It took Kanaya convincing her that she was good to make her go.

When she arrived, there were already girls there, warming up and streching. The teacher was no where in site. Were they all really early? Or was she just late? Just as that thought went through her head, the teacher walked in.

"Alright girls, I need fourty of you on stage right now. I'll teach you your dance, then you can go off and practice while I teach the other fourty their dance. Then I'll test the first group while the second group practices. Understood?" Everyone chimed in their yes at once. The teacher called the first fourty students up. Feferi wasn't one of them.

"There's so many of us." Feferi whispered to Kanaya. "I thought there would be fewer."

"Well, she only lets fourty students into her class." Kanaya pointed out. "So she would pick those who would show the most promise, even if they weren't that good during their audition."

"But only half of us will get in." Feferi sounded down. That meant one group could get in, or half of each, or a percent of each group.

"Hey. She split you guys in half for a reason. So that she can see what everyone's strengths are. Then she's going to test each of you to see who has the greatest potential. No one says that all of one group is going to get in. That would be unfair." Kanaya was trying to reassure her.

"You do have a point. But still. What if she doesn't see me?" The thought of all fourty of them performing at once was making Feferi worry.

"I don't think she will. I think she'll take ten of you at a time and watch you guys momentarily. That way she can get through you guys quickly while also seeing you guys." This didn't make Feferi feel any better. The thought of having fourty people on stage sounded better in case she messed up big time. Then no one would see her. "Trust me, you'll do great."

The two of them watched as the teacher taught the dance. Each group had a different routine, which was a good idea. That way the group waiting wasn't able to watch and start learning the dance before hand, giving an unfair advantage. Even then. When they were performing, it might still give the ones waiting a bit of an advantage, being able to see it a few times before going up. Finally it was Feferi's turn.

The dance they learned seemed simple enough, but it was probably made up on the weekened. Even then, if you weren't from the front two rows, learning it proved a challenge, what with so many people in there. Half way through, the instructor ordered that everyone switch rows, the front moving to the back, and the back to the front. Feferi stood right behind the instructor. Now her nerves were going. Everyone would be able to see her if she messed up. She looked over to Kanaya who gave her the thumbs up. Maybe she wouldn't do so bad? If Kanaya was cheering her on, maybe she was doing a great job right now? Feferi told herself to stop thinking so negatively, and paid more attention.

Then they were performing. This was the most nerve racking part of it all. Feferi was practicing, but every so often she'd sneak a peek at the people performing. Eventually, she stopped all together and watched with Kanaya.

"Some of them are really good." Kanaya said. "But I think they're the ones who have been in dance since seventh grade."

The ones who'd been in dance in previous years almost had an unfair advantage, but only a percent of them would get in. The teacher enjoyed having an equal amount of sevens, eights and ninth graders in her dance class. This way no class could establish a hiarchy, even though the ninth graders did, or the ones who'd been in dance longer. They felt like they were better than everyone else, but once in a while, a newbie would prove them wrong. Feferi was afraid of doing that. The last thing she wanted was for all their attention to be focused on her, picking on her until she dropped out. But that wouldn't be her. She'd keep a low profile so she didn't have to deal with that.

"I'm still nervous." Feferi finally said.

"That's ok. Being nervous is fine. Learn from that, and when its time to go out on stage, you wont be nervous anymore. You'll see it as another dance class, and you'll do your best without fear." Feferi looked over at Kanaya. Her words made it sound like she'd been doing this for ages. Kanaya caught on and laughed. "I've never been in a dance class once, but I do talk infront of the class a lot, so I figure they're similar. Not the same though, but similar. It'll take a few times, but eventually I'm sure dancing infront of an audience will be the same as talking to your friends."

"Maybe. I hope it is. The last thing I want is to always be afraid." She meant more than just to be afraid of dancing. Afraid of people. Afraid of hurting others, to be neglected, everything.

"Fear is a natural and needed thing. Its what teaches us things and makes us stronger. Without it, I'm sure we'd all be dead. Fear tells us that a fire is hot, and not to touch it. Fear sometimes tells us to do things we don't want to, but once we do, we're no longer afraid. You felt fear when you auditioned, but once you found out you were coming here, you were excited. Its the same thing." Kanaya smiled. "And once you get past this, it'll be the same thing until its routine."

"I hope so. I hate rollercoasters." The two of them laughed, and then it was her groups turn.

Kanaya was right. They were sectioned off into groups of ten. Feferi's was the third to go, and by then she'd seen things she hadn't noticed before. How to point her toes properly, to keep from getting dizzy. Maybe the teacher had doen this on purpose? Picked the ones who she knew would do good and made them go first, then the ones who would do the worst to go last? It made sense. It wasn't giving them an unfair advantage, but helping them.

Feferi wasn't about to lie. She messed up quite a bit during the performance, but she tried to keep her expression stoic and to keep going. When she messed up, she'd pretend that's what she intended to do, and keep going with the dance. In all honesty, she hoped the teacher hadn't seen her mess up every time. That she'd been looking at another girl when she'd done it. But the one time their eyes met when Feferi had messed up showed that she hadn't. That she'd most likely seen every mistake right when they happened.

"I sucked." Feferi panted as she went back to Kanaya.

"I think you did exceptionally well. From what I could see, you kept your composure when you messed up. That's a good thing."

"Really? Why? I messed up." Feferi was shocked. How could that be good?

"Because. If the audience saw that, they would think you were meant to do it, and not that you messed up." Kanaya explained. "When you make a face that says you messed up, that's when they notice and keep their eyes focused on you. They're no longer concerned about the dance, but wether or not you'll mess up again."

"Are you sure you're not confucious or something?" Feferi asked. "Cuz some of the stuff that comes out of your mouth is mind blowing."

"I've studied up on him a little, so I wouldn't be surprised." Kanaya replied. "But no, I am not him. I'm simply stating what I belive, and what I have noticed. I was watching her too. When you would mess up, she would watch you to see how you would react, then continue watching the other girls like nothing happened. I think she's concidering you."

"When I hear that from her, I'll feel better." Feferi replied.

"Alright ladies, attention." The teacher called, making Feferi jump. "I shall be compiling my decisions during the week. On Friday, I will make an announcement on who shall be part of my class. Until then, assume that none of you have made it. I have no favourites, and all of you will be chosen upon your skill. Thank you, and have a great day."

"I guess we wait then." Kanaya said.

The rest of the week would be nerve racking.


	24. Chapter 24

**Tuesday, January 29th's update**

* * *

><p>The school was abuzz with gossip for the remainder of the week. Girls trying to create rumors about them getting accepted early, who they thought was going to make the cut, and attempting to intimidate those they didn't want to get in. Feferi tried to keep to the shadows, but she could hear people talking about her, trying to cut her down. This was how some of the girls managed to get in. They'd intimidate the rising stars out of the pack of newbies into quitting the moment they got accepted. Feferi was beginning to think that was a good idea, and it was showing. She would walk though the halls with her head down and her shoulders hunched. What if she got accepted, stayed and the girls sabotaged her enough that she got booted? Feferi bit her bottom lip. She hated the thought, but she wasn't about to put it past these girls. They'd do anything to secure a spot for themselves.<p>

"Don't listen to them." Karkat sneered at lunch. He almost never talked to her, but as of late he was beginning to warm up. Feferi never blamed him though. Their relationship had failed and then she'd proceeded to lash out at him. Maybe he was beginning to think they were both to blame? Well, there was no reason to ask. It would only open up old wounds. "They're just intimidated by you. Kanaya told me all about your auditions."

"And if I do say, she painted a wonderful mental image." Terezi grinned from ear to ear in Feferi's general direction. Feferi smiled sheepishly.

"Thanks. I didn't think it was that special. If I get accepted, you guys will come watch me right?" Feferi asked, moving her lunch around on her plate, afraid to look anyone in the eyes. Today, Kanaya was home sick, and Feferi wanted nothing more than her to be here. Today was the day they announced who was chosen.

"As long as there are subtitles." Terezi joked. That one seemed to be a running joke amongst the group when it came to plays or shows.

"What she means is yes. Even if I have to dialogue the entire thing for her and get shoes thrown at my head, we'll make sure to come and watch." Karkat elaborated, then he was looking slightly past Feferi as a tray clattered down beside her. Feferi looked over to see Tavros looking very worried.

"Oh...uh...I guess I should've asked before...yeah I-I'm sorry." He stammered, grabbing his tray, but Feferi placed a hand on his arm.

"No no. Its alright." Feferi smiled, allowing him to timidly sit down. He sat with his shoulders hunched, looking up at everyone like a scared kitten. "What's up? I haven't talked to you since..." Feferi looked at Terezi, who simply raised her eyebrows. "Well, since the last time we spoke." Feferi decided that was a good cover up, though she was sure Karkat understood when the last time was.

"W-well there's no one else...I uh...know." Tavros shifted awkwardly in his seat. "And I don't want to sit with Gamzee." He muttered under his breath, but it was still loud enough for Feferi to catch it.

"Well you're always welcome here." Feferi mentally slapped herself. She wanted to fix Tavros and Gamzee's relationship, but apparently that was never going to happen. Tavros didn't seem too thrilled with the idea of being around Gamzee. Feferi made a mental note to herself to try getting them back together in the future. Not the near future, but when this was far enough behind them to not matter much anymore.

"Thanks. So I...uhm...hear you auditioned to be...in dance class?" Tavros twisted his fork around in his mashed potatoes, something Feferi had never been too keen on from the cafeteria.

"I did! Are you gonna come watch me dance if I get accepted?" Feferi perked up. Of all the people she wanted supporting her, he seemed like the perfect option.

"O-oh of course!" Tavros looked up, beaming at her. "Thanks!"

"No problem. All my friends are welcome to come see me." Feferi paused for a moment. That was right. All her friends, and one of them she hadn't seen in a while. "Terezi, where's Ryuu been lately?" Feferi asked, turning her attention to Terezi.

Terezi remained quiet for a while before putting her sandwhich down, and leaning back slightly with a sigh. "He's been at home with his mother and sister." Terezi said slowly. "They got some not so great news from the Hospital."

Feferi's heart sank. His father was at the hospital, and they all hoped he'd get better and come home. Something told her he didn't get better. That he never would. "He died." Feferi breathed. Terezi nodded.

"It's taken quite the toll on his mother. He'd gotten used to the idea of his father never returning, so his death wasn't much of a shock to him. He was upset though, which is understandable. But his mom..." Terezi poked around in front of her, looking for her sandwhich so she could start back on it again.

"Ryuu had said since his hospitalization she hadn't been the same. I can only imagine what she's like now." Feferi rubbed at the back of her neck, staring down at the table. "Do you think it'd be ok if we went and visited him? Tried to cheer them up?"

"I think it would be better when we're all here, and when you have some good news for him. How about Monday? If we're all here, then we can walk over there after school, plus that gives us enough time to let all of our parents know." Karkat spoke up. He made sure to connect eyes with Tavros. "That means you can come too."

Tavros's eyebrows shot up. He was actually being invited to something? "Ok!" He said cheerfully. "I almost never get invited any where...even if the uhh...circumstances aren't that great." Karkat gave Tavros a confused look. Big words.

"It just means situation." Feferi elaborated. "Don't get upset KK." Now Karkat looked at Feferi. He didn't exactly like the nickname, but hadn't told anyone off about it.

"Ok. After school on Monday it is. Make sure Kanaya hears about it ok?" Terezi told Feferi. "Otherwise she'll be confused and wont get permission from her parents. And we all know how well I can text." Terezi had tried it at one point. Borrowed Feferi's cellphone to text Kanaya. It ended up a garbled mess the first time, but once they explained where each button was, and what letters it would produce, she'd managed to make a coherent sentence. Replying to texts was a completely different story. She wasn't able to read the screen, so just replied with whatever she thought the text had said. They'd all had a good laugh about it, but she'd been banned from texting there after.

"Roger that. I'll text her right now." Feferi pulled out her phone and quickly messaged Kanaya before she turned to Tavros. "Do you have a cellphone? It'll be a good idea to keep in touch with you, that way we can invite you to more things we do, and make sure you're able to come with us."

"O-oh...yeah I do!" Tavros beamed, pulling out his cellphone. Feferi assumed the only numbers in there were his parents and Gamzee's. Unless he'd deleted that one, but she wasn't about to ask. Sensitive topic was sensitive. Tavros gave her his number, and in turn, she gave him her's. Terezi also passed her's along, and with a little coaxing, they managed to get Karkat to give his up too.

"I wont give out Kanaya's unless she's here, so on Monday we can ask." Feferi told Tavros. "Better that way, so that she doesn't have to inquire as to who the number belongs to."

"Of course. Wow, I have so many numbers in here now." Tavros was still beaming at his phone. So it was settled, he did only have his parents and Gamzee's numbers in there. So this made about six numbers in total. Feferi looked at her contacts. It wasn't much better. She had her sisters number, her four friends, and Ryuu's number, along with emergency contact numbers, all of which were speed dial set.

"Well," Feferi started as the bell rung. "I guess we will see at the end of the day if I got accepted or not. Keep your fingers crossed alright?" She was met with a unison 'ok' as they got up and left for their respected classes.

With the good, came the bad, and in the end she would have to accept both.


	25. Chapter 25

**Saturday, February 2nd update**

**Also, tomorrows SOLH update may be late, but I spent all day today writing seven chapters for four different Fanfictions xD (two for SOLH, two for Dark Imagination, two for A Devil's Game, and one for Le Peitite Morte.) I will try my hardest to get SOLH done for tomorrow though, as well as a few other chapters for the remainder of the week!**

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><p>Feferi was tapping her pencil lightly against her desk, eyes focus on her math problem when the intercom came on, making her jump in her seat. At first, she paid it no mind, but the names kept going on and on, so she started to pay attention. That was when she heard her name over the intercom. She sat stunned for a moment. Why was she being called down to the office? Had she done something? Slowly, Feferi got up out of her seat, and started down the hallway, a thousand thoughts running through her head, trying to figure out what she had done. That's when it hit her. She got accepted into the dance class. Feferi stopped in the middle of the hallway stunned. No. There was no way she got accepted. None what so ever. But if she didn't go down, would they pick someone else? That lone thought made Feferi pick up her pace.<p>

Sure enough, when she got there, the Dance instructor was handing out pieces of papers to the kids waiting. Timidly, Feferi approached and waited until she was handed a paper. The instructor smiled down at her, but maybe she'd been doing that for all the kids? Something told her otherwise.

The paper had her name on it, when the classes were, and about how much costumes would cost. She had to look at it twice, flip it over, and turn it around to make sure that was her name she saw in big block letters. It was. She was in the dance class! A smile grew across her face as she skipped off down the hall. The first thing she was going to do after school, was hunt down her friends and tell them the good news! But first, she stole a moment and dove into the girls bathroom to text Kanaya. Since she wasn't at school, she deserved to be the first to know. Even if she were at school, she would be the first to know. It was because of her that she even got into it.

The moment the message was sent, another thought passed through Feferi's mind. How was she going to pay for the class? Surely her mother wouldn't have the money to pay the fee's, as well as pay for the costumes. Feferi hoisted herself up on the sink counter and started to chew at her nail. She was fifteen, so she was old enough to get a job, and the classes ran after school twice a week, and once during the week during their rotating block. There was sure to be a place that would work around her dance shedual...right? Feferi looked up momentarily to see Tavros wander into the bathroom.

"Why is it that I always find you in the girls bathroom when something important happens?" Feferi inquired. Tavros shrugged and took a seat beside her.

"Probably because I wouldn't find you in the boys bathroom. And their counters aren't as long and tidy as the girls." His studder had disappeared. Odd. He'd always studdered at least three times in a sentence as long as that. Even during lunch today he had studdered. "So?"

"First, what happened to the studder?" Feferi inquired, narrowing her eyes at him. "Second, I got into the dance class, now I'm just wondering how to pay the fees."

Tavros nodded. "I don't always studder. Its just when I'm nervous or around people I don't know. When I'm in a situation I'm comfortable with, it just...disappears." Tavros used his hands to mimic something dispersing into the air. "Its odd." He commented. So he at least noticed when it was around. "And good for you, but at the same time, that sucks. Didn't you think about the fees before joining?"

Feferi shrugged this time. She was done commenting about his usual speaking habits, and instead just stuck to the dance topic. "I did. But I guess I just never thought about how it was going to get paid. Mum might be able to pay for it, but I'm sure that would put a strain on her. I could ask my grandparents, but they will probably work me to the bone to pay them back. I was thinking about getting a job to pay for it. Or to pay for part of it...or pay my mother back."

"But wouldn't it be bad if you got a job, paid for dance, and then quit the job?" Tavros inquired. Obviously he felt the need to voice an opinion that was bothering him. "In my mind, if you're going to get the job, you should be willing to stick to it. Plus, if you're going to be joining dance again in the future, you'll want to still have the job so that you can pay the fees."

"I know. I wasn't planning on quitting once it was paid off. It would also be nice to have the extra bit of money." Feferi looked down at the paper in her hand. Extra was the operative word there. She was sure this would take months to pay off, and what happened if they weren't willing to let her take that long?

"But...?" Tavros urged, sensing there was more.

"Having a job means that I can't hang out with my friends as often as I do. I don't know if I'll like that." Feferi hadn't even thought about the fact that her free-time would be limited once she had a job. The thought had just occurred to her now that Tavros mentioned it.

"I think it will be a good idea to have one. Yeah, I understand what you mean by not having much free-time anymore, but it'll be good experience for you. It'll help fill up free-time when you're bored, and you'll have money so that you can do things when you can hang out." Tavros pointed out. "Job experience is a blessing when you're trying to get a new job in the future. Some places wont hire you unless you have the proper qualifications."

"True." Feferi nodded. "I guess I'll have to talk to mom after school today and see what she can do. After that, I'll have to make up some resumes and start handing them out. Better than nothing right?"

"Exactly! And even if she can pay for it herself, imagine how much more money you'll have. You could save it all for college and have a fortune by the time you graduate." Tavros pointed out. That was also something Feferi hadn't thought about. College funds. He was right. If her mother could pay for it all by herself, and Feferi saved all the money she earned, she could have more than enough to pay for her college tuition by the time she graduated. Or that's what she hoped. It wasn't like she was going to be making five-hundred dollars every pay cheque.

"Alright, that settles it. Wether or not its actually needed, I'm going to get a job. I should come here more often. You're like my own Buddah or whom ever that was that was really smart." Feferi beamed.

"Albert Einstein?" Tavros offered. "And I only swing by here when I'm pretty sure you or Terezi is in here. Or to...you know...wallow in my own self-pitty." Tavros made a face and hopped off the counter. "Now tell me if the coast is clear. I almost got caught last time by a couple football players.

"Ok." Feferi gave him an apologetic look and peeked out into the hallway. Clear as it would ever be. She folded up her piece of paper, and shoved it into her pocket. There. Now all she had to do was talk to her mother and see what she could do for her.

Turns out, that was the day her mother was released. When she went to the Hospital, they informed her of this, so she returned home. Her mother was already busy trying to tidy the place up a bit when Feferi finally got home. "Guess who got into dance?" Feferi was beaming, and the moment her mother heard that, so was she. "Uhm...one question though." Feferi pulled the paper out of her pocket. "There's a fee for it, and you have to buy dance costumes...I'm planning on getting a job, but I just wanted to see if you could pay for it?"

Her mom took the paper and looked it over. Feferi hadn't thought it was that much. The most it would cost was $200, but she supposed that in itself was a lot of money. More than Feferi had ever had. "I should be able to. When is the money due?" Her mother asked, taking the piece of paper and sticking it to the fridge.

"I'm not sure. We weren't told and I didn't see anything on the sheet. I'd assume soon though." Feferi went over to the fridge and gave the paper a once over herself. Nothing on it indicated a due date for the money. "Maybe on the first day I'll ask, and just let her know that we didn't know, so we didn't get the money ready. Even then, maybe she doesn't want it unti we've picked out our costumes?"

"Maybe." Her mother said. "Just so that everyone pays in full all at once? It would make sense to me, but please do ask."

"I will. Did you get an update on Lizzy?" Feferi asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table. She hadn't bothered to ask about her sister while she was at the Hospital. Something about it just didn't seem right. She wasn't allowed to go and see her sister, and she assumed it was simply because they found it to be a tramatic experience. She wasn't about to fight with that though. Finding her like that was more than she'd wanted to experience.

"No." Her mother shook her head. "But that's not bad news. It just means she hasn't changed since they put her in there."

"They said it should only be a couple weeks that she would be out. I know its only been about two, but still. Shouldn't she be waking up soon? Or have shown signs of waking up?" Feferi wondered. The last thing she needed was to find out her sister wasn't ever going to wake up.

"Things like this take time. I'm sure she's doing well and is just taking as much time as possible to heal up. Better to make sure you're all healed than to assume right?" Her mother smiled. If this was affecting her, she wasn't showing it.

"Like when you're sick and suddenly feel better." Feferi agreed. She knew that one much better than she'd like to admit. There were many times she'd made herself sicker by getting up and running around the moment she felt better, even though she was still sick. She'd never learn from that though. No matter how many more times she would feel sick, she'd always assume she was better the moment she felt better again.

"Exactly. So, did you tell all your friends about you getting in?" Her mother questioned. That was one thing she'd forgotten. She'd planned to tell them the moment school was out, but she'd become too pre-occupied with asking her mom about paying the fees, that she forgot.

"No! I completely forgot." Feferi winned. "I was going to tell them after school too...I'll text them though." Feferi pulled out her cellphone and started informing her friends. She wasn't too happy that this was how they had to find out, but it was better than them waiting until Monday to find out. Monday! That was right. "Oh, mum, is it alright if I go over to Ryuu's house with my friends after school on Monday?" Feferi asked. "His father passed away and we all wanted to go and say we were sorry about his loss and try to cheer him up."

"Oh that's so sad to hear. Of course you can go over there." Her mother replied. "Just make sure to be home before it starts to get dark out ok?"

"Don't worry. I'll make sure I'm home when the sun is still up. Unless I can catch a ride from someone, then I'll make sure to call you before hand so you know." Feferi told her.

Of all the things that had happened, a few had changed, and a few remained the same. Her sister's condition hadn't changed, which was both bad and good news, she was now in dance and going to get a job, and Ryuu's dad had passed away.

She just had to take the bad with the good, that's what she told herself.


	26. Chapter 26

**Tuesday, February 5th update**

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><p>The moment Feferi got to school on monday, the first thing she did was find her friends and tell them the good news. They were all thrilled to hear the good news, and Kanaya even pretended that was the first time she'd heard of the information. At least, that's what Feferi hoped. She'd never gotten a reply from Kanaya when she'd texted her.<p>

After that, the rest of the day was full of strain. Everyone was thinking about what to say to Ryuu when they went over there. What did you say when someone died? Besides that you were sorry? It wasn't like apologizing brought the person back, and did it really make the ones left behind feel any better? Feferi spent most of the day trying to figure out what she would say. Besides Terezi, she was the one he knew best. Then there were some who probably shouldn't even be going, but were anyways, Karkat being the main instigator here. Feferi wasn't sure if they'd really gotten over being mad at eachother, or had simply put that behind them for her sake. She hoped it wasn't the latter, since that wouldn't make her feel any better about taking Karkat over there.

Then there was Tavros. She couldn't remember if she'd ever told Ryuu about what happened, but if she had, she felt like bringing Tavros over would just add fuel to the fire. Even though Tavros wasn't to blame. He was never to blame. The bell rang, making Feferi jump. It was the end of the day. She was not excited at all.

They'd all agreed to meet outside the front of the school, and when Feferi finally arrived, she could tell everyone was about as excited as her. "Alright, lets get this done and over with." She said, giving everyone a little bit of encouragement. At least she hoped.

The walk to Ryuu's was silent, everyone lost in their own thoughts. Feferi tried to keep her mind on what was going on right at that moment, instead of imagining the state her friend would be in, his reactions, everything that could possibly happen. When they got to his house, Feferi hesitated. She thought Terezi would ring the doorbell, but she didn't even make a move to ring it, so Feferi took that role up. At first, there was nothing, then she could hear the faint little thump of feet running for the door. Raina's face appeared around the corner of the door, looking as bright and bubbly as ever. It got brighter when she saw Feferi and Terezi.

"Fefewi! Tewezi!" She screamed, bounding out of the house to wrap her arms around Feferi's legs. Or try. They were still just a little too short to even touch her fingers together.

"Is Aunty home squirt?" Terezi asked, moving forward. She reached out a hand and held it on Raina's head.

"She's sleepin'." Raina replied.

"How about your brother then?" Terezi offered. If her aunt was asleep, it probably meant Ryuu was being drowned with a lot more responsibilities.

"Room." She said, but refused to let go of Feferi. Terezi sighed when she realized this.

"Ok, c'mon. Let Feferi go, she's coming with us, so its not like you're going to lose her." Terezi commented, breaking her hold on Feferi before taking a hand in her own. Feferi took Raina's other free hand.

"Just wait here guys ok? We'll bring him out here to the kitchen." Feferi said to the rest of the group. Karkat rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms over his chest while Kanaya led the others to the kitchen.

Feferi found it weird, watching Terezi slowly navigate her way around the house with Raina's help. This must've been her first time here, since she caught on to her surroundings rather quickly. Raina finally stopped in front of Ryuu's room. The door was closed, and none of us dared try to open it without permission. This time Terezi knocked, waited a moment, then said "Couz, you in there?" No one replied. Terezi knocked again, this time opening the door a crack. It wasn't like she could look in, but it would be enough for her to hear things. "Ryuu?" She asked. Feferi tried to peer around the corner. This didn't seem like Ryuu.

"How long has he been in his room?" Feferi asked, kneeling down to Raina's height.

"All day." She said simply, like this meant nothing. Feferi's eyes flicked up to watch Terezi sneak into the room, leaving the door open a crack.

"What about yesterday? Has your mom been in her room all day too?" Feferi tried. She needed to know how long Raina had been left alone. Sure she was that young, but she could only go so long without needing someone elses help.

"All day." Raina replied again. This time she took her hand out of Feferi's and clasped her hands together behind her back, rocking on her feet. Feferi gave Raina a confused look, but tried to pass it off as playful.

"Who's been feeding you then? Surely not you all by yourself." Feferi joked, but she felt dread with the words.

This time Raina beamed. "I fed myself all weekend! Raina's a big girl now. Come see!" She grabbed Feferi's hand again and lead her to the kitchen. When she got there, she realized what everyone else had. Raina wasn't lying. No one had been looking after her the entire weekend.

Feferi turned around and bolted back to Ryuu's room, reaching it just as Terezi threw the door open in a panic. Terezi stopped just inches from Feferi, and she didn't have to say anything. "Kanaya!" Feferi yelled, pushing past Terezi. She flicked on the light so she could see.

Kanaya came up behind her, phone already up to her ear. Terezi just stood in the door way. The room was a mess, and Ryuu layed on his bed. Feferi went up to him, and at first shook him. When that didn't recieve a response, she checked his vitals. He was still alive, so what on earth was going on? "Terezi?" She asked, turning to look at her friends back. Kanaya was talking to the responder on the phone, giving the location and what she thought was wrong, since she hadn't exactly seen Ryuu, but Feferi wasn't freaking out, so she assumed the best.

"I don't know what's going on." Terezi sounded about ready to cry. Raina was back at the door and looked up at Terezi, before reaching up at her. Terezi knelt down and hugged Raina.

Feferi went back to Terezi. "Its going to be ok. They'll tell us what's wrong with him."

"Is brother ok?" Raina finally asked. Terezi remained quiet, Kanaya taking this as her time to take the conversation on the phone else where. That left Feferi with the responsibility to answer.

"Yeah. He's just not feeling well, so the doctors are going to come make him better." She explained.

That's all she could ask for. That he was just sick, and not dying.


	27. Chapter 27

**Saturday, February 9th update**

**These two updates (chapter 26 and 27) make up for last weeks updates. I'm hoping to have all my fanfictions chapters for the week uploaded by thursday or friday, since I'm really busy during the week and weekend. On that note, please don't expect this weeks updates from any of my fanfictions until THURSDAY or FRIDAY.**

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><p>Two people were now in a place Feferi didn't want them to be, and one of them they were unsure of the cause. Feferi had wandered away from her friends in the waiting room to find her sister. Surely there could be some form of good news today. Anything. Timidly, Feferi went up to the receptionist. "Do you know were Elizabeth Peixes room is?" She asked. The girl looked at Feferi a moment before grabbing a clip board and flipping through a couple pages.<p>

"Just down the hall in room 103." She said, pointing in the direction Feferi was to go. That was good news. They hadn't shooed her away this time.

When Feferi got to the room, she paused. Did she want to go in there? What if they'd called her mother and said this was when they had to say good bye? That she was dead and they were going to move her after today? Feferi took in a deep breath. No. They wouldn't do that. Her mother would've called her. Mustering up her courage, Feferi pushed open the door.

Lizzy sat propped up in her bed, looking out the window. She was still hooked up to a bunch of monitors, but at least she was awake. She didn't even bother to look at Feferi until she was sitting in a chair, then her head whipped around, looking puzzled before excited. "Feferi!" She yelled, holding her arms open.

"Hey!" Feferi replied, giving her sister a careful hug, afraid that things would be torn out of her sister. "How are you?"

"Good. I thought you guys forgot about me. How long have I been here?" Lizzy asked. Feferi had to think about this. She hadn't exactly been keeping track of time.

"Uhm...a little over a week." Feferi said. "I got into dance." Feferi beamed. Good news would cheer here sister up.

"That long? Damn I must've hit my head hard." Lizzy looked away and shook her head. "Good for you! I was afraid I was going to have to console you when you didn't make it. That's a relief."

Feferi laughed. "You wouldn't have been home. Mom would've had to do that."

"Mom's at home?" The tone Lizzy used sounded baffled and confused. Why would her mother return home?

"Yeah. She got out not that long ago." Feferi explained. "Dad's on the run still. Hasn't even bothered to try and swing by the house. He probably thinks the house is being watched, which is good. The last thing I want is for that man to come home." Feferi was bitter. She hated that man, but he was still her dad. She felt conflicted about hating him, but she knew she had a good enough reason. "Do you know my friend Ryuu?"

"The boy who's house you stayed at when you ran away?" Lizzy asked. "That's him right?"

"Yeah. That's him." Feferi's voice was low. "His father passed away, so we went to visit him today to tell him we were sorry. We got there and found out he'd been in his room the entire weekend. Hadn't even gotten up to feed his sister. She managed to find food, but still. We tried to wake him up but..." Feferi pressed her lips together.

"So that's why you're here." It was almost as if Lizzy had expected something. Surely her sister wouldn't come to visit if she thought she was still in a coma. "Do they know what's wrong?"

Feferi shook her head. "They're doing tests right now. Kanaya, Karkat, and Tavros are all out in the waiting room."

"What about his mom?" Lizzy inquired. "Where's she?"

"Still at home. We didn't think to check on her, because Ryuu told me she usually sleeps during the day. I have a feeling she's the reason Raina was able to find food during the weekend. Even then, if Terezi suspected something, she would've had the ambulance collect her. We had to convince them that she was alright, and Terezi volunteered to stay behind so Raina wouldn't be alone. They're cousins." Feferi explained. "We told her the moment we found something out, we would text her."

"Then I hope he's just depressed. That's probably not a good thing to wish, since depression can kill people too, but its better than other things." Lizzy said. "Does mom know I'm awake?"

"No. She doesn't. I'll let her know though. Did they say when you were allowed to come home?"

"No, not yet. I think they want to keep me for a while longer to make sure I don't slip back. And please tell mom. I'm sure she'll be beside herself and come running over." Lizzy smiled.

"I hope she doesn't come running over. She'll end up in bed beside you." Feferi joked. "I'll go call her now. I might as well get back to my friends so they don't get too worried."

"Alright. Come back tomorrow?" Lizzy asked.

"It'll be late. I have dance tomorrow, but I'll come and tell you how it went." Feferi smiled, getting up.

"Good. I'd like that." Lizzy returned the smile, and Feferi started back for her friends, making sure to call her mother as she went. Lizzy had been right. Her mother was on her way now.

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><p>Feferi's mom had seen the group in the waiting room, and on her way to see Lizzy had inquired. Feferi filled her in, then let her go. When her mom came by again, it was already dark outside, but they all refused to budge.<p>

"How about you guys come over tonight then? Call your parents and explain what's happened. We just live down the street, so if its bad you can be here in a matter of minutes." She offered. She must've hated seeing them all in the waiting room like that.

"Thanks mom. We'll come over in an hour if we don't hear anything by then." Feferi said. None of them wanted to leave. Not yet anyways.

"Alright. Even if you do hear something, come spend the night. Its better than nothing." With that, she turned and left.

Everyone called their parents, and Feferi made a point to contact Terezi. She explained that they still hadn't heard anything, but that they were going to stay at her house. Terezi was more than welcome to come over with Raina, since leaving her at home by herself wouldn't be the best idea. She declined though, wanting to keep her some where familiar where she wouldn't ask too many questions.

The group waited around for another hour and were just getting up to leave when a nurse came out. She explained that he was suffering from a mixture of depression and malnurishment, and had managed to get him awake, but that they weren't allowing any visitors. They were afraid of triggering something that would make him go unconcious again. While this was a bit of a relief, they were still worried. Perhaps there was something the doctors weren't telling them? But what use would it do for them to ask? It wasn't like they were going to tell them. Karkat contacted Terezi this time, as the group returned to Feferi's house.

Since Lizzy wasn't there, Feferi allowed for the two boys to share the bed or to fight over it. Feferi offered up her bed to Kanaya, but in the end they decided to share it. Even then, none of them were getting any sleep that night, or not much. They'd all wake up at some point, worried, concerned, or simply wondering what they would find out the next day. If they would find anything out the next day. Feferi made it her priority to sleep. She was afraid that missing the first class of dance would be enough reason for her to be kicked out. She had an excuse though, but would it be enough? Even then, simply worrying about her class was enough to keep her up. To wake her from her sleep, worried that she'd over slept, that she was going to miss her class and be kicked from it.

In the end, they all had a restless night.


	28. Chapter 28

**Tuesday, February 12 update**

**Also, I will not be updating regularly until most likely after May/ beginning of June. I just recently got a promotion at work, so between that and trying to get ready for conventions, I have almost no time to write.**

**On another note, I have no idea why this wasn't uploaded sooner.**

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><p>Two months passed before the Hospital had let Ryuu out with strict orders. Lizzy had gotten out a little over a month and a half earlier, but spent a great deal of her time at home, since she wasn't comfortable moving around quite yet. Feferi had brought home her homework every day until she'd decided to return to school. As for Feferi's dance fee's, her grandparents had agreed to help pay for them, so long as she agreed to stick to them, so she never bothered getting a job. Feferi's dance classes had been a little hard for her though, not only with her friend in the hospital, her sister sitting at home, but also because of a few kids in the class. Some of them remembered her from Karkat and Gamzee's outburst, her chasing after Tavros when he overheard it. They mocked her, claimed she wasn't a victim and that she'd wanted that all along. Talked about how two-faced she was, that they were surprised she had any friends. Then they'd move on to wondering how she'd managed to get rid of the baby. Feferi held her tongue and ignored them long enough to meet up with her friends and rant about it every day. She wouldn't let them win. That wasn't her anymore.<p>

Finally, May rolled around. Up until this point, she'd been practicing dances for her dance show, but now they were also given the option of attempting to make it into the graduation show for the ninth graders. Since Feferi was in ninth grade, she would be at the graduation wether or not she made it into the performance. That wasn't what was bothering her though. What was bothering her was getting up on stage and dancing in front of hundreds of people. Even if she was with a group, it still bothered her. What if people saw her mess up and laughed the entire time? Picked her out after the show just to continue to laugh at her? Rehearsals came, and Feferi skipped out on the first one. She knew what would happen if she didn't attend them. The first one you missed was ok. Skip two or more, and you weren't able to participate in the show, let alone the graduation one.

It was in between classes the day after she'd skipped rehersal when she ran into her dance teacher. Feferi felt her heart drop to the floor. Great. She was going to get in trouble.

"Feferi!" Her teacher called. Mrs. Labelle was her name. She seemed quite happy to see Feferi. "We missed you at rehearsal yesterday. I hope everythings ok."

"Oh...uhm...yeah. Everythings ok." Feferi stumbled. What was she supposed to say to this woman? That she'd missed it on purpose?

"Feferi?" Mrs. Labelle asked, sensing her hesitation. "You're going to come to the next ones right? I'd hate for you to miss the show because you didn't show up."

"Well...I just don't think I'm that good. I don't want to go out there." Feferi looked down at the floor, hugging her books closer to her chest.

"I wouldn't have accepted you into the class if I thought you weren't good. And don't worry, I've heard those nasty things the other girls have said about you." Feferi's head shot up, concern plastered on her face. Great, did this mean the teacher was going to start on her too? "I don't agree with what they're saying, but they do this to at least one girl every year. The one that they think will end up a better dancer than them. They're just trying to get you to quit, but I promise you, next year they wont even batt an eyelash at you. And its ok to be scared of the stage. That's normal. But if you don't come, then you'll be upset at yourself because you put all this effort into learning the dances, and now you can't even show off your hard work." Mrs. Labelle paused for a second, letting that all sink in. "Promise me you'll at least come tomorrow. If you do, I'll let you sit where ever you want in the audience and watch the girls for a bit, before I ask you to go up and try it out. If you still don't like it, I wont force you to participate ok?"

Feferi pressed her lips together. "Ok." She answered. She felt like she was going to end up lying to her teacher and skip again.

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><p>She didn't though. In the end, she convinced herself to go to rehersals, at least to try it out. What could she possibly lose? This was one of two dress rehearsal nights. The very first rehersal was just to get used to the stage and figure out your places. The second was to try the dances out in costume, and the third was a practice run of the real show, so that they could fix the line-up incase they ran into problems with costume changes, or having the same group of girls on too many times in a row.<p>

The moment Feferi walked into the change room, she instantly regretted comming.

"Oh look, she decided to show up. Your 'assailant' change your mind? Or is he really your boyfriend? Its ok to say so. Its not like it'll affect our view on you." One girl sneered. This provoked laughter from a couple other girls. Feferi lowered her head and swung into one of the stalls to change, hands gripped tightly around her bag of costumes.

"Look at that. She can't even deny it. That just proves they're a thing. What a whore." Another girl added on. Feferi bit at her lip, looking at a costume she'd started to pull out of her backpack. They were still laughing at her out there. Just like she was sure the audience would when she messed up. She ignored how the room got a little quieter. A door slamming shut, the sound of feet stepping onto something. Suddenly, cold water was all over her, and the laughter outside erupted into high pitched cackles as Feferi little out a little scream of surprise at the water.

Feferi gripped the costume hard, before ripping her backpack off the hanger and dashing out of the room, the sound of the girls fading behind her. She had to try hard not to cry, but the moment her teacher saw her and came running, she couldn't hold them back anymore.

"What happened?" Mrs. Labelle asked, taking Feferi's shoulders in her hands and kneeling down. "Was it those girls?" Feferi looked around a moment, trying to make the tears go away before she nodded. "I have a good idea who. I'll give them one more chance, and then they're out of the show and out of my class for the rest of their schooling. I refuse to let them bully you like this, no matter what their reasoning." Mrs. Labelle straightened up, took a deep breath, then continued. "Wait here a moment, and I'll find a towel to dry you off. Then you can sit in the audience. Don't worry about changing for today. I'll excuse it."

"No. I want to change for the dances." Feferi said quickly, just barely escaping a hiccup that came right after she'd finished her sentence. The first costume she was supposed to change into was sopping wet from the bucket of water, but she was sure the clothes still in her backpack were dry as a button. At the very least, she could change into those ones for the dances.

Mrs. Labelle stopped in her tracks, considering what Feferi said. "Well then, I will make sure you have some where to change before you go up ok? And I'll make sure you're the only one who can get into it." Feferi stared after Mrs. Labelle as she ran off to the office, retrieved a towel from the staff room, and came back. Why was she being so nice to her like this? All the other teachers didn't even pay any mind to Feferi, let alone what other people did to her, though of her, or even said of her. Even when Karkat and Gamzee had gotten into that fight, no one had said or done anything where it concerned Feferi. Though, the two had gotten a bit of a suspension.

From the audience, the routines looked so much different, and Feferi kept moving about the seats to see them from different angles. Depending on where you sat, certain girls disappeared all together until they changed positions in the dance. That made Feferi feel a bit better, but it was the parts where she was up front that worried her now. Sure, as long as she made sure she knew those parts perfectly, she could mess up all she wanted while hiding behind others, but it still worried her. Finally, she returned to where Mrs. Labelle was sitting in the front row. Here, you had to strain you neck a little to see the girls, so you were almost staring straight up at them. She didn't like sitting here. Mrs. Labelle holding up a single key pulled Feferi away from the dance.

"Up the stairs, there's a door right there. Use that one to change. You're the only one with this key ok? You can bring it back to me if you're afraid you'll lose it while dancing." She said, leaning closer to Feferi so she could be heard over the music. Feferi beamed, took the key and dashed for her change room.

It was a little storage room, but things had been pushed back to make room for a small table Feferi could put her things on. As soon as she was in there, she made sure to lock the door behind her. Knowing those girls, they probably saw her run off to the little room and would try getting in there to bully her more. Lucky for her, as long as the music was playing, she wouldn't be able to hear those girls. She was that close to the stage. The first thing Feferi did was lay out her costumes in the order she would be wearing them tonight, minus the one that was wet, which she'd rung out and attempted to dry earlier. The teacher had set it up so that the sevens would perform half of their dances at the beginning, and then alternate with the grade eights, who would then alternate with the grade nines, before the grade nines performed the last half of their dances at the end. This had given her more than enough time to watch a few performances, and a few girls mess up, as well as gain a little courage to try it out herself. First, she slipped into a gold, glittery long-sleeved shirt and spandex shorts with tanned leggings, and her dance shoes, then she grabbed her key, exited her room and locked the door behind her. When she returned to the front, she was already getting some mean looks from the girls who bullied her. Feferi made sure Mrs. Labelle had the key to her room. Like hell she was going to take a chance that they'd get it. She figured if she kept it on her, it might fall, and someone would make sure to snatch it up before Feferi noticed or had a chance to get it. Even then, if they knew she had the key on her, they might ambush her after a dance just to steal it.

Then it was their turn to go up, and all the happiness, excitement and eagerness Feferi had felt melted into fear.


	29. Update

**As of right now, consider me on a some-what Hiatus.**

**My stories will not be updating on a regular basis due to the following;**

**-I recently got a promotion at work, which is taking up a great deal of my time**

**-I am getting ready for a few conventions, which is taking up even more of my time**

**-I have been filming CMVs for the last couple days, which took up what remaining time I've had left.**

**I will be updating though, I'm just not 100% sure when at the moment. Chances are, I will update with whatever is supposed to be on that day, when I get down to writing. (Ie; if its Sunday when I decide to write, I will write for A Devil's Game.)**

**My Hiatus will most likely be done come June, and will last until August, when I will be going to another convention, and then will be moving out. During this time, I will still try to update/ will update with chapters I wrote before hand, but it will not have a concrete shedual anymore.**

**Come June, the updating shedual may change.**


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